Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

He cheated-what do you tell yourself to help feel better?

Posted by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 12:36 AM
  • 18 Replies

So I found out for sure that he was cheating on me, probably multiple times throughout the marriage. Definitely with the woman he's moving in with now. 

I'm trying to come up with some more positive "redirecting" phrases in my mind when I start down the anger/whiny/victim path. 

  • Thank God that's not my life any more.
  • He taught me something very valuable--to walk away
  • I went out with a man who was separated when I was single; I didn't understand the effect it had on his wife and children. Neither does this girl. She's buying all his BS and maybe it will be on her "lessons learned" list 15 years from now. Maybe not. None of my business.
  • DS14 is a smart kid. He's learning the meaning of integrity (or lack therof). I don't need to point it out for him to understand. I can just be strong for him and loving and set a better example.
  • He was trying to find comfort and fill his needs and simply went about it in the wrong way. His problem. 

What made it easier for you?



by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 12:36 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
HolisticMama
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 3:31 AM
2 moms liked this

You pretty much sumed it up!  Until recently, I thought he cheated for someone younger, prettier, etc. Well, I know one of the girls was.  He would always tell me if I didn't want him there were plenty of other women who do.  Now that I've seen his "friend" I can't help but laugh.  She is about 5 years older than him and not attractive! 

I remind myself everyday I deserve someone who respects, appreciates and loves me.  That was not him. 


zebra556
by Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:31 AM
Yes, " someone who respected, appreciates, and loves me." Also: why would you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you.,
Cenedra64
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 9:03 AM
Youve got good points outlined. I just tell myself he was a sick bastard. It sure wasnt lack of sex drove him to other women like men think. My ex was just becoming the man he despised: his father. An abusive cheating leaving kids in dust creep.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Feb. 10, 2013 at 9:17 AM
2 moms liked this



Quoting Cenedra64:

Youve got good points outlined. I just tell myself he was a sick bastard. It sure wasnt lack of sex drove him to other women like men think. My ex was just becoming the man he despised: his father. An abusive cheating leaving kids in dust creep.


I agree with this ^^^

It isn't about you, it's about him.  He is flawed.  Cheaters cheat.  You could be a freaking Stepford Wife and he would still find a way to justify his cheating.  

Don't take his behavior personally.  He is a man who lacks morals and good character.  

I think many of us mourn the life that could have been.  The thing we have to remind ourselves of is that that life would NEVER been possible because these men are not ever going to be capable of that level of commitment.  Most of these guys are narcissitic assholes that never think anything they do is wrong because it is what they want to do!  Rules never apply to them.

Research "divorcing a narcissitic man".  See if the description fits him.  Chances are it does and you will see that the problems had little to do with you.  He probably has tried to convince him that you are the problem...don't buy into the bullshit.

Cenedra64
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 9:36 AM
Amen to that! Theres a song by Gotye. 'somebody that i used to know', wew if that aint spot on and how my relationship was!

Quoting tottaxi:




Quoting Cenedra64:

Youve got good points outlined. I just tell myself he was a sick bastard. It sure wasnt lack of sex drove him to other women like men think. My ex was just becoming the man he despised: his father. An abusive cheating leaving kids in dust creep.



I agree with this ^^^

It isn't about you, it's about him.  He is flawed.  Cheaters cheat.  You could be a freaking Stepford Wife and he would still find a way to justify his cheating.  

Don't take his behavior personally.  He is a man who lacks morals and good character.  

I think many of us mourn the life that could have been.  The thing we have to remind ourselves of is that that life would NEVER been possible because these men are not ever going to be capable of that level of commitment.  Most of these guys are narcissitic assholes that never think anything they do is wrong because it is what they want to do!  Rules never apply to them.

Research "divorcing a narcissitic man".  See if the description fits him.  Chances are it does and you will see that the problems had little to do with you.  He probably has tried to convince him that you are the problem...don't buy into the bullshit.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Stephd710
by Bronze Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 9:53 AM
2 moms liked this
I don't have to fight him to spend time with me anymore. I don't have to worry about him spending money. I don't have to deal with his first ex anymore. He's going to cheat on this one too, just like he did me....
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Lurion
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:20 AM

Amen!

I definitely haven't wanted to be with him either for some time. The marriage was really over long before this current girl came along. I was the one who finally pulled the plug. I kept trying to make it work and he made just enough effort for me to keep trying. For the kids' sake, sacred vows...blah blah blah. I was naive in believing they were "just friends." 

I just have to deal with it in my face a bit more now, since he's moving in with her. If she had been someone he met after we ended things officially, I would have absolutely no problem. It just kind of makes me go "yuck" that they handled things in such a sneaky way instead of just coming out with it and we could have all dealt with it and moved on. :(


Quoting zebra556:

Yes, " someone who respected, appreciates, and loves me." Also: why would you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you.,



Lurion
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:21 AM

Added to the list! Thanks. 


Quoting Stephd710:

I don't have to fight him to spend time with me anymore. I don't have to worry about him spending money. I don't have to deal with his first ex anymore. He's going to cheat on this one too, just like he did me....



Lurion
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 10:30 AM


OMG exactly!!! That was one of my angry texts to him...that no matter what woman he managed to get, it didn't matter cause he'd lie and cheat and ruin it with her anyway. That he had turned into his father!!  



Quoting tottaxi:



Quoting Cenedra64:

Youve got good points outlined. I just tell myself he was a sick bastard. It sure wasnt lack of sex drove him to other women like men think. My ex was just becoming the man he despised: his father. An abusive cheating leaving kids in dust creep.


I agree with this ^^^

It isn't about you, it's about him.  He is flawed.  Cheaters cheat.  You could be a freaking Stepford Wife and he would still find a way to justify his cheating.  

Don't take his behavior personally.  He is a man who lacks morals and good character.  

I think many of us mourn the life that could have been.  The thing we have to remind ourselves of is that that life would NEVER been possible because these men are not ever going to be capable of that level of commitment.  Most of these guys are narcissitic assholes that never think anything they do is wrong because it is what they want to do!  Rules never apply to them.

Research "divorcing a narcissitic man".  See if the description fits him.  Chances are it does and you will see that the problems had little to do with you.  He probably has tried to convince him that you are the problem...don't buy into the bullshit.



Ecoseem
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 2:09 PM

I just tell myself that all of the "women" he sees/saw are cheap nasty whores.  And it's true, so I feel better knowing that I am no longer being seen by others as just another of his loose women. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)