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mediation tomorrow

Posted by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 12:14 PM
  • 14 Replies
So my husband and I go to mediation tomorrow. And I'm so nerves. I haven't seen him since December and I know those I love him feelings are still there. But I just keep telling my self he did it to him self. But it's not really working. Why does this stuff have to be so hard. Why can't things be like how they were like many years ago. You have a problem you fix it you don't just give up. it's like I read on Facebook the other day if a light bulb goes out in your house you don't go but a new house you fix it.same with a marriage if there is something wrong you fix it you don't just go get a new relationship with someone else. Im having such a hard time with all this.

And also today would be his 30days to have filed and served me his response. And he has not yet. So what do I do now. I know I can file a paper with the court saying he hasn't yet. But would you ladies do that. I mean he barely calls to talk to his daughter, lost his job for fighting with a Co worker has a new girlfriend who has two kids and im not trying to be mean but she looks like she does/did drugs. Oh and did I mentionwe were support to be working on our marriage when he got together with this girl. So I don't know if I should just be the nice girl I have become because of him(he bought out the soft side of me) or go back to the mean girl I once was and not care about him and do what I want and what's best for my daughter. advice please ladies I'm about to lose my mind
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by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 12:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
tottaxi
by Silver Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 12:57 PM
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Yep.  You're out of your mind if you are even considering this guy as anything other than a big POS.  LOL!

Who should you be?  Yourself.  The good, the bad, the ugly.  It's enough.

Stop thinking about what coulda woulda shoulda been.  Go to mediation with YOURSELF and your child as your focus.  Who he is, what he does or has done is nothing more than a blip on your radar.  Think FUTURE, not about the past.

jmoore10
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 1:25 PM
Thank you. I needed to hear that. All my friends tip toe around this because they don't wanna hurt my feeling in calling him names or anything. But I need someone to be tough on me. So thank you


Quoting tottaxi:

Yep.  You're out of your mind if you are even considering this guy as anything other than a big POS.  LOL!


Who should you be?  Yourself.  The good, the bad, the ugly.  It's enough.


Stop thinking about what coulda woulda shoulda been.  Go to mediation with YOURSELF and your child as your focus.  Who he is, what he does or has done is nothing more than a blip on your radar.  Think FUTURE, not about the past.


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RLSMOM59
by Silver Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 1:31 PM
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Make a list of what you want and have options in case he objects. For example visitation is one overnight a week and ever other weekend. Or you claim children one year he claims next/you claim one he claims one. Stuff like that. Yu can also request being the sole decision making when it comes to the children. medical insurance, medical bills, etc. making a list will hope keep you focus. Mediators are trained to keep the bickering down so you shouldn't worry about that. 

If you have an attorney, ask him/her to file a motion of comtempt. If no attorney, you can do it. this will end up as a quick meeting in front of the judge who will give him a little more time. if he doesn't provide answers then you can file a motion for default.

jmoore10
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 10:56 PM
I have made a list of all the reason why I should have sole physical and legal custody. I have a friend who has been though all this so many times so tomorrow before I go in, im going to call her and go over everything im going to say again.


Quoting RLSMOM59:

Make a list of what you want and have options in case he objects. For example visitation is one overnight a week and ever other weekend. Or you claim children one year he claims next/you claim one he claims one. Stuff like that. Yu can also request being the sole decision making when it comes to the children. medical insurance, medical bills, etc. making a list will hope keep you focus. Mediators are trained to keep the bickering down so you shouldn't worry about that. 

If you have an attorney, ask him/her to file a motion of comtempt. If no attorney, you can do it. this will end up as a quick meeting in front of the judge who will give him a little more time. if he doesn't provide answers then you can file a motion for default.


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tottaxi
by Silver Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:12 AM
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Good luck today!  Please update us!!!

jmoore10
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:18 AM
Thank you. I wish it was sooner. It's at 130 this afternoon and it's only 715am right more.. :( my stbxh is not happy with me right now. I had agreed earlier to letting him take our daughter on Thursday and bring her back Saturday but I have changed my mind, and have decided to wait until after mediation to make any plans with him. And he didn't like that.


Quoting tottaxi:

Good luck today!  Please update us!!!


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Ecoseem
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:15 AM
1 mom liked this

File your papers and get rid of him.

I had the same kind of feelings about mine, and that's why it took almost a year to get anything moving, and it's hard to get the work done past those emotions, but it is what's best for your mental health.

Akeso
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2013 at 2:01 PM
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jmoore good luck today. I know how you're feeling, but I have to say something here, before anything was written I was advised by lawyers to play nice with the STBX. Not to do anything to make him angry, because you WANT something from him. IMO it was a tactical mistake to piss him off the day before you're going to mediation, AND change your mind at the last minute. Hope it didn't make any difference in what you get, but you have to realize this is a game, YOU don't want to appear to be the vindictive, unreliable one. You might've just handed him something. Be on your guard.

Ecoseem
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 6:59 PM
1 mom liked this

So how did it go?

jmoore10
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:30 PM
It went great!!! He made him self look like a jackass and I got what I wanted. He basically agreed to whatever I wanted. I could of said eat shit and die and he probably would of. I maybe spoke 10 words from 130 to 3. The whole time the lady lectured him on how to be a father and he was not to happy about that. He was not getting the fact that he can't just come back into her life and take her for a week he had to ease into it. He was just being a ass. The lady was trying to help him see his daughter but he was not getting it. He was just thinking about hook self and not our daughter.

So we both of joint legal custody but he can only make decision on big things like if she had cancer or something. And I get to decide everything else. And I have physical custody since he lives on Arizona. And he has to give me a week notice of when he wants to see his daughter. And when he does it will be first day is a day visit only and the second day is over night but he can only have her up to three days and she is only allowed to miss one activity in those three days. And I have to put him on her emergency contact forms. And he has to Skype her every Sunday at 7 and he will call her one other time during the week. And I will let our daughter call him if she wants to. I will keep him inform with what's going on with her. We both have to notify each other 30 days prior to any change in our daughter residence.

So all and all I say it went ever well for me.
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