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Divorce & Starting Over Divorce & Starting Over
So my husband and I go to mediation tomorrow. And I'm so nerves. I haven't seen him since December and I know those I love him feelings are still there. But I just keep telling my self he did it to him self. But it's not really working. Why does this stuff have to be so hard. Why can't things be like how they were like many years ago. You have a problem you fix it you don't just give up. it's like I read on Facebook the other day if a light bulb goes out in your house you don't go but a new house you fix it.same with a marriage if there is something wrong you fix it you don't just go get a new relationship with someone else. Im having such a hard time with all this.

And also today would be his 30days to have filed and served me his response. And he has not yet. So what do I do now. I know I can file a paper with the court saying he hasn't yet. But would you ladies do that. I mean he barely calls to talk to his daughter, lost his job for fighting with a Co worker has a new girlfriend who has two kids and im not trying to be mean but she looks like she does/did drugs. Oh and did I mentionwe were support to be working on our marriage when he got together with this girl. So I don't know if I should just be the nice girl I have become because of him(he bought out the soft side of me) or go back to the mean girl I once was and not care about him and do what I want and what's best for my daughter. advice please ladies I'm about to lose my mind
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 12:14 PM
Replies (11-14):
Lurion
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 10:42 PM

Well since it sounds like we're in a similar situation, I'll suggest we form a club!

The only things I keep telling myself are--

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time (I waited for the 1,000th time and wasted 16 years of my life). While I thought we were "working things out," he started a relationship with a woman who he now moved in with, and now I have to send the kids to their house for visitation! Kids haven't even met her.

So first thing, don't be quick to give him time share if you don't have to! 

It doesn't matter which side of you you choose...he's still not coming through for you or your child. When he could have turned toward you, he spent his time, energy, money and heart seeking out someone else. 

You should be able to pretty much ask whatever you want in court, if he doesn't bother showing up or responding. 

Good luck. Let us know how it goes. 

jmoore10
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:07 PM

 

i so wanna start a club now. lol i know now that the first time i see a guy act totally different im RUNNING!!!! My husband did the same thing you said but he isnt living with his girlfriend yet. i have realize that deep down inside i knew he wasnt the man for me but i didnt wanna believe it. and he wouldnt of came though for me or our daughter. i got pretty much what i wanted as i stated in the above reply. now we just have to wait for a judge to sign off on it.

Quoting Lurion:

Well since it sounds like we're in a similar situation, I'll suggest we form a club!

The only things I keep telling myself are--

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time (I waited for the 1,000th time and wasted 16 years of my life). While I thought we were "working things out," he started a relationship with a woman who he now moved in with, and now I have to send the kids to their house for visitation! Kids haven't even met her.

So first thing, don't be quick to give him time share if you don't have to! 

It doesn't matter which side of you you choose...he's still not coming through for you or your child. When he could have turned toward you, he spent his time, energy, money and heart seeking out someone else. 

You should be able to pretty much ask whatever you want in court, if he doesn't bother showing up or responding. 

Good luck. Let us know how it goes. 


 

jmoore10
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 11:12 PM
1 mom liked this

I JUST WANNA THANK YOU LADIES FOR EVERYTHING!!! IT MEANS A LOT TO ME THAT A BUNCH OF LADIES WHO DONT KNOW ME BUT ONLINE IS SO SUPPORTIVE AND SO WILLING TO HELP ME GET THOUGH THIS HARD TIME IN MY LIFE, JUST LIKE YOU GUYS WERE ONE OF MY REALLY GOOD FRIENDS OR FAMILY MEMBERS!!!

big smile mini

tottaxi
by Gold Member on Feb. 28, 2013 at 7:27 AM

JMHO, but you have been left with many grey areas in custody.  If this guy stays out of your life, no problemo.  But, if he decides to exercise his rights then you've been left with having to ask his permission on many things...not just cancer.

Joint custody requires that you consult him on many issues.  Were extracurriculars addressed?  Does he have to approve before he is required to pay his half?  The visitations...a week before he wants to see her?  That will hold you hostage.  What if you have already made plans?  Does his request supercede those?  Can you legally refuse him if he has given you proper notice?

I would not be please, but maybe since you live so far away it will be okay.  I hope so.  The court system sucks if they give someone who is basically a no-show in a kids life EQUAL rights.  Because that is what he has.  The mediator has told you that you can act in a way that is what SOLE custody would have allowed, but unfortunately, that is not the way it will work if he chooses to be active.

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