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Divorce & Starting Over Divorce & Starting Over

watching my daughter drive off today.

Posted by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 11:23 PM
  • 2 Replies
Watching my 4 year old daughter drive off with her dad today for a few days was the hardest thing ever. Not only because she is not with me but because her father I and our daughter are not together as a family. As I was kissing her good bye in his truck I started to cry. My daughter was like don't cry don't cry mommy it will be okay. And my husband saw me and I tried turning away from him but he tried to pull me in for a hug to find out what was wrong. He told me I could go with them. But it wasn't that. I wanted our family together. I told him to spend this time with our daughter.

I wish things were different I want to stop all this divorce and just get back together. But I know that will never happen. And if it ever did my friends and family will want nothing to do with me. And that hurts the most. My mom has already said she doesn't want to be around him. So this is all just to hard for me. I wish there was a switch to turn off your feeling
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by on Feb. 28, 2013 at 11:23 PM
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tottaxi
by Gold Member on Mar. 1, 2013 at 12:38 AM

Time and distance will give you clarity. 

I can not relate to your wanting to be back with stbx.  I wanted to be done with him before I filed for divorce and have never questioned that I did the right thing.

The hardest part for me is seeing my child go off with a man that I despise.  I don't want to be around him, so how I can I want my child to be subjected to him?  I know that is not where you are, but that may be where your family and friends are.

Sometimes we can become addicted to a person.  That sounds kind of like what you are experiencing.  Withdrawal from any addiction is difficult, but with that time and distance I spoke of it will become much easier.  When the fog of your addiction has lifted you will understand why your family views him the way they do.  Until that happens, trust your family...those who have your best interests at heart.  If you've resisted listening to them in the past, it's time to listen to them now.  Eventually you will see what they see and then you will be where I am...loathing the fact that you have to subject your DD to him.

steviechick
by on Mar. 1, 2013 at 2:27 PM

I was once in that state of mind so many years ago and continued to be there until my ex told me of his affair.  My mom told me many times that my ex was no good.  Not verbally but in the way she questioned what he did throughout our marriage.  The decisions that he made always had a domino affect on our marriage.  I always defended my ex's decisions.  Never relenting and never fully realizing just what my ex was - a total loser.  I had no one to turn to open up to because I lived in another state than my mom and the rest of my family.  I kept my torment to myself and pushed myself to continue to work on my ex's many complex problems and personality.  I didn't even have a good friend to turn to and open up about my marriage.  My ex  preferred to be closed off from most people.  That's how he was able to manipulate our relationship.  Just as long as I stayed steadfast and dedicated to being on his side I thought our marriage continued to have a chance.  How naieve was I?  I truly wanted my marriage to work no matter what I constantly went through mentally.

My daughter isn't a minor anymore.  She can make her own decisions.  It didn't bother me that my ex spent some time with our her.   He's her father that's that fathers are supposed to do.  I bothered me hearing what my ex told and did to my daughter when I wasn't there to call him out on being a total jackass.  My daughter was able to open up to me about what my ex did and said to her after their meetings.  Thank goodness she did open up to me and is even smart enough to fully understand just how disturbed her father truly is.  It hurt me even more knowing how cruel he continued to be her and not even knowing what he was doing to hurt her.  Not all of what he said was cruel, but his actions simply made me stunned.

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