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Divorce & Starting Over Divorce & Starting Over

Single for the first time

Posted by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:44 AM
  • 4 Replies
My divorce is final and it's just hitting me that I'm single for the first time in my adult life basically. The last time I was single I was 21 years old! Seems like a lifetime ago! I'm ready to date, not ready for a long term committed relationship, but definitely ready to date. But it's scary. I don't know how this works when you're not just horny 21 year olds. I have no idea what a dating adult relationship actually looks like. I also don't know what a healthy committed relationship looks like. Clearly if I did, I might not be single. Wow, so much to learn, but that means possible rejection.

Maybe I'm not ready to date. Maybe I'll just hide.
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by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:44 AM
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Replies (1-4):
cowboygal
by New Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:32 AM
Same here. Last time I was single was when I was 21. Seems like a lifetime ago. I have no idea how to get out there and start dating again.
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tottaxi
by Silver Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 7:30 AM
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I was in no rush to date.  I had made such horrible choices in the past where men are concerned, I had myself convinced that I wouldn't recognize a GOOD man if he were standing right in front of me.  I decided that I would not go the route of "love" relationships...that I would take my time and get to know someone as a friend first.  Luckily, I met a guy who was in pretty much the same frame of mind.  We went to movies and stuff like that while we got to know each other.  We allowed our relationship to evolve instead of rushing into the sack.  Now we are not only lovers but best friends.

I also keep my eyes open and my head out of the sand where our relationship is concerned.  Just having a relationship is not my goal.  I mostly want to be accepted as myself.  I'm never again going to change who I am in order to get along with anyone...especially not a man.  I lost myself when I was married.  I'm me again.  I'm going to keep it that way!

It is different as an adult.  It's not all just about a physical attraction (not that that is NOT important!!!), but I think we look a little more closely at their character and not just their "cool" factor.  Keep your standards high and don't ever settle for less than a man you can respect and who has similar goals and values.

And try not to actively look for a guy.  The right guy will come along in the course of your regular life.  So just live!  Be yourself!  Enjoy life as a single person.  When the time is right it will happen.

sarahjoy
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 7:53 AM

lol... i was the same way.  I met my ex when i was 15 years old and just got a divorce last september (separated since last March).  I am 28 now and never really had another relationship other than the ex.  It was strange at first.  i realized dating is a pain lol.  I had fun but it was rather exhausting haha.  I'm in a relationship now and its very different like spending the night at his house.  I never did that before.  My ex and i moved in together when I was 17 with our baby.  I'm always wondering if the relationship im in now is how the "norm" is for being in a relationship.  I always think about... how often do I call him (sounds silly but like whats enough to show him I am thinking about him but not too much so he's not thinking im "clingy".,  He's also very shy so different from my ex... its kind of fun but at the same time can be difficult.  As long as the fun part out weighs the difficult I think im good lol.

miss_AP
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:19 PM

I totally feel you. I was 18 the last time I dated and in college. I have NO idea how to meet people, how to pick people up, how to let someone know you're interest, what the levels of interaction and contact with all the technology should be, or even just how to do this. I"ve been online for a couple months and had some fun. I'd like to meet people in person but I have no idea how. I only have one single friend and he and I probably wouldn't have the same idea of someone eligible. Everyone else is in a relationship or married and has no single friends. Its frustrating. But...I try to just go with the flow. I'm missing out on some affection and support, which is funny because I never got it before but I guess the illusion of it was there.

Good luck mama. Take it slow, you can always run away for a week if you need to, but put yourself out there! If nothing else you might get a couple good meals out of the deal and hopefully a new friend or two!

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