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HE'S PISSED... ANNOYED WITH GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE...in illinois

Posted by on Mar. 13, 2013 at 7:35 PM
  • 13 Replies

i filed under adultery because he did cheat on me. and he is pissed becasue i have no clue why and wanted me to file under irreconcible difference but in illinois that requires 2 year separation.. 


in sept 2011 him and i got in a fight because i had heard he was cheating he hit me went to jail i left him few mnths later i came back because i thought things where going to be good, he never hit me again but was pissed that i had put him in jail... well from the end of january 2012 until april things sucked he was leaving every night but said he was going with friends well come to find out in july he admitted he cheated on me. then one  night during sex he said idk how to tell you this but i love her too. thats when it was really over  i had just had surgery in june and it was taking longer to recover and well i no longer had a job well in sept i got a job and moved out in octover, 


basically we have been separated for 18 mnths because even though i thought we where together  we really where not. i thought we where working on things but i remember now him saying several times we where done

anyhow ive had several ppl tell me he can go to jail for the adultery charge. is this true? because thats not what i wanted i just wanted a reason to get divorced that wouldnt take a 2 year waiting period.. 

by on Mar. 13, 2013 at 7:35 PM
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tottaxi
by Silver Member on Mar. 13, 2013 at 8:31 PM

The two year waiting period can be waived:

http://illinoisdivorce.com/family_law_articles/grounds_for_divorce.php

The two-year waiting requirement can be waived if both parties sign a special waiver form. Even then, however, they must still live separate and apart for at least six months before the case may be finalized.

 

Adultery is a crime in Illinois, but as an Illinois resident I can tell you that I have never heard of a single person being sentenced for cheating.  Half the women I know who are divorced were cheated on and not a single one of their exes went to jail.  If only!!!  LOL!  That would probably be a pretty good incentive to remain faithful :)

shawnalmil
by on Mar. 13, 2013 at 10:35 PM

they told me i can not file under irrec. differences unless we have been apart for more than or close to 2 years. said the judge will not even look at it. PLUS HE DID cheat so its not like its a lie 

tottaxi
by Silver Member on Mar. 13, 2013 at 10:47 PM

I filed under irreconcilable differences (no fault) the day my ex left.  Our hearing was set for three months after that and could have been a final one if we had been able to agree on everything (we couldn't).  The three months was based more on the court docket in my county than anything else.

Here's something that I just googled for you:

An agreement will speed things up, but how fast a divorce goes depends on your local court schedule. With an agreement it is possible to go from filing to judgment in a day or two, but usually the fastest would be about two weeks.

An agreement can speed up a divorce by getting rid of the need to deliver (called "service") a copy of the divorce Petition on the other spouse and by getting rid of the 30 day wait after service that is required before going to court. Without an agreement the sheriff must serve the divorce Petition on the other spouse, and you must then give them 30 days to file a written response. Only after that 30 days is up can you schedule a court date.

But, the other spouse can sign an Entry of Appearance, which says they don’t have to be served with a Summons and which consents to letting the divorce case proceed against them. They can also waive the 30 day wait between receiving the Petition and a court date.

With an Entry of Appearance, how fast your divorce goes depends on how fast your Circuit Clerk can schedule a court date on your divorce Petition. You should be able to get a court date within about two weeks of filing for divorce--possibly even sooner.

You can file a spouse’s Entry of Appearance at the same time you file for divorce. You’ll have to pay to file your divorce, and your spouse will have to pay to file their Entry of Appearance. In Champaign County, it costs at least $210 to file a divorce, and at least $110 to file an Entry of Appearance. Both sides can get those fees waived if they can’t afford them.

You and your spouse can pay only one filing fee if you happen to qualify for a “joint simplified” divorce. Then, it’s a truly joint petition, for both of you, requiring only one fee. 

You qualify for a "joint simplified" divorce if you’ve been married for less than 8 years, have no kids, no real estate, less than $10,000 in combined personal property, and less than $35,000 in combined income. A joint simplified divorce uses standard forms, consisting of the Joint Petition and an Agreement that divides property and debts. Because it’s joint, both spouses must agree and sign. Click on the title below to learn more about how to file a joint simplified petition for divorce.

http://www.illinoislegalaid.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.dsp_content&contentID=4391

 

Who is the "they" that told you this? 

Pink.Sunshine
by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 1:04 AM

I thought all states were no fault now? That really sucks :/

shawnalmil
by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 1:30 AM

he always said if we ever got divorced he would not pay for nothing, so i paid it all i paid $133 for me to serve and then i was going to have him served thinking it was like seriously under$10 but it was $55 and that was just to go like 6 blocks across town and then i was going to pay his filing fee well i told him i was not paying both i could either have him served and he would have to pay the $83 which would have been his filing fee or he could go up and put in his entry with me and i would pay the $83 for him but i was not paying both. 

 he thinks i am trying to screw him over and he said that he was going to tell the judge to prove it was adultery and i was like I HAVE THE PROOF, i have the texts on my phone of you saying you did it and you where sorry that she was just for a piece of ass and so on, and he flipped saying i was doing this to hurt him, which i am not i am doing this because i am over it,  

  there was also alot of emotional abuse him saying he loved me and they where done or just friends and then turn around and say he didnt want me and then when i would go to leave that he wanted me and that things would be ok and that everything was just ok he wanted everthing  her and i both. i could have  filed under extreme mental abuse, or the fact he constantly drank but i didnt just let it go and i am moving on. 


he is totally upset because he thinks i am putting all the blame on him yeah he cheated on me but its not like i was perfect. i never cheated but somethings changed about me

 

tottaxi
by Silver Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 7:53 AM
2 moms liked this

Shawna, it doesn't really matter what grounds are used, does it..as long as you get a divorce?  What I see happening with the two of you is that you are engaging in a lot of emotional dialogue that no longer matters.  Whatever happened in the past to bring you to divorce is unimportant.  Stop talking about it, file whatever else needs to be filed and get the job done.

Divorce is a business issue.  Not an emotional one.  The time for emotional discussions is past.  Don't make yourself upset.  When you walk out of that court room and are no longer married the reasons will never matter.  What will matter is the custody agreement.  THAT is what you should be working out. 

Do you have one child (pictured in your avatar)?  In Illinois you will received CS IF you are the custodial parent and that will be 25% of your stbx's net income.  Unless you were married 10 or more years you will not be eligible for maintenance.  Property division in the State of Illinois is equitable, not equal.  If you are in different states and a considerable distance appart, what do you plan as your visitation schedule?  How will you split holidays and school breaks?  THESE are the things you should be focusing on, not who screwed who and why.

From now on it would be to your advantage to no longer discuss anything but your child.  You should do this by text only or email so that you have documentation.  You want all texts to be brief, business-like and to the point.  Engaging in a war of words could backfire and the custody of your child could be jeopardized.  Do you want sole custody?  Joint?  This is very important to decide and agree upon.  All else is not important.

The reason for filing for divorce NEVER was mentioned in the courtroom.  The judge does NOT give a shit.  Their only job is to dissolve your marriage and set up a custody agreement for your child.

Honestly, in Illinois if you want a good outcome of your divorce you need an attorney.  An attorney will represent your best interests.  If your stbx does not retain one he will be eaten up and spit out.  Illinois is not a state where the judge will hold your hand and guide you through the process if you are unrepresented.  If you do not know what you are doing in court the judge will make the decision and it may not be the outcome you desire.  If you come across as overly emotional and unstable you may not even be awarded CP. 

Change your focus from the route his penis took to get you to this point and focus on your child and the future.

ashleigh24
by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 8:01 AM
That really sucks...we filed for divorce jan 14th (irreconcilable differences) and I'm going to court Friday to finalize it! 2 months here in Mississippi!! I couldn't imagine having to wait 2 years!!! I would tell him suck it up. He messed up and it isn't like you are lying. He needs to step up and take responsibility for his actions. You deserve to be able to move on. I'm not sure about going to jail though because I didn't have to deal with that. Sorry :-( hope things get better soon for you.
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shawnalmil
by on Mar. 14, 2013 at 10:55 AM

the grounds do sort of matter.... exteme mental abuse i could be told i need a pysch eval,  the point for putting down adultery other than it being the reason why is so that way i could get it done and over with. with his ex they had been separated for like 9 mnths when she filed and then they still made them wait 6 mnths. 

i told him when i filed that i didnt have a choice but to choose certain things like that permanent costody be awarded to.... mother/father and had to circle one i chose mom, BUT we still need to talk and figure that stuff out . we are going to plan a time to go out to lunch to talk and write up what we are going to have done and agree to.

he has 4 other kids that he has full costody of i raised those kids from ages 1 2 and 10mnth old twins  its been almost 7 years now, and the mom does not pay child support so instead of taking him for a certain percent i am asking for only a certain amount a mnth, i trust him with this and with the way he did with the boys when they where with their mom before he got them, he wont ever let her go with out ,

he knows that we need to talk about what we want before we go in that way it can be done and over with asap instead of continuing it for a later date because we cant decided what we want or have to go to mediation.

when i filed under adultery it wasnt for the purpose of why but for the purpose of what would make it a speedy thing  

Quoting tottaxi:

Shawna, it doesn't really matter what grounds are used, does it..as long as you get a divorce?  What I see happening with the two of you is that you are engaging in a lot of emotional dialogue that no longer matters.  Whatever happened in the past to bring you to divorce is unimportant.  Stop talking about it, file whatever else needs to be filed and get the job done.

Divorce is a business issue.  Not an emotional one.  The time for emotional discussions is past.  Don't make yourself upset.  When you walk out of that court room and are no longer married the reasons will never matter.  What will matter is the custody agreement.  THAT is what you should be working out. 

Do you have one child (pictured in your avatar)?  In Illinois you will received CS IF you are the custodial parent and that will be 25% of your stbx's net income.  Unless you were married 10 or more years you will not be eligible for maintenance.  Property division in the State of Illinois is equitable, not equal.  If you are in different states and a considerable distance appart, what do you plan as your visitation schedule?  How will you split holidays and school breaks?  THESE are the things you should be focusing on, not who screwed who and why.

From now on it would be to your advantage to no longer discuss anything but your child.  You should do this by text only or email so that you have documentation.  You want all texts to be brief, business-like and to the point.  Engaging in a war of words could backfire and the custody of your child could be jeopardized.  Do you want sole custody?  Joint?  This is very important to decide and agree upon.  All else is not important.

The reason for filing for divorce NEVER was mentioned in the courtroom.  The judge does NOT give a shit.  Their only job is to dissolve your marriage and set up a custody agreement for your child.

Honestly, in Illinois if you want a good outcome of your divorce you need an attorney.  An attorney will represent your best interests.  If your stbx does not retain one he will be eaten up and spit out.  Illinois is not a state where the judge will hold your hand and guide you through the process if you are unrepresented.  If you do not know what you are doing in court the judge will make the decision and it may not be the outcome you desire.  If you come across as overly emotional and unstable you may not even be awarded CP. 

Change your focus from the route his penis took to get you to this point and focus on your child and the future.


tottaxi
by Silver Member on Mar. 14, 2013 at 11:53 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't know if you can unring the adultery bell or not.  I can tell you that you do NOT need to wait two years for a no fault divorce in Illinois.  As that link I provided explains, if the two of you can agree to terms this can be over with every easily.

If he has been awarded sole custody in the past it could happen again if you do not do this properly.  Your previous posts are so focused on the adultery that it seems....at least to me (a total stranger)...that you are not keeping your eye on the big picture here, which is your child.  Even giving him a pass on the State's child support minimum is, IMO, foolish.  You are trusting a man who has proven he can NOT be trusted.  He has other children for whom he is responsible.  It may be easier for him to ask for sole custody of this child and receive CS from you.  You must protect yourself and your child.

I'm not being rude here, just making an observation given what you have provided as facts, but IMO, you are not familiar enough with the law to represent yourself.  Your child looks very young. You will be dealing with the outcome of this divorce and custody for many, many years to come.  Please do this properly.  At least go and take the time to consult an attorney (usually free for the first hour) and see what they have to tell you.  If you do this pro se, at least have an attorney or a paralegal look over the papers before you sign them and file them with the court.  Better to be safe than sorry, KWIM?

shawnalmil
by on Mar. 15, 2013 at 2:03 PM

he was not awarded sole costody the mother who was a crack head and smoked crack while pregnant with her 7th but not his child and then went through dcfs and then she gave up her costody to him as long as she could claim 2 of the kids on her taxes. 

i am not worried about costody here. and even if it was brought up as a fight i have no worries. he has 2 child abuse allegations on him 1 for allowing the 4 boys to go with their mother when he knew she was a risk and 2 for punching and hitting me infront of my then 2 year old child
 he a few battery charges one of which was on me. even though this really doesnt matter he is illegal BUT the fact that he could deported at anytime if he fucks up just one more time... which is what the grounds where of his conditional discharge he isnt to drink or get into any other altercations for the duration which wont end until sept of this year.  

if they are not going to accept the adultery deal then why did they give me a court date? and so soon plus i have proof on my phone of it but thats not the point the point is i want a divorce and its going to happen when they tell me that i can not file for divorce under irrec diffs what am i suppose to do? i did what i thought was the next best thing..  

Quoting tottaxi:

I don't know if you can unring the adultery bell or not.  I can tell you that you do NOT need to wait two years for a no fault divorce in Illinois.  As that link I provided explains, if the two of you can agree to terms this can be over with every easily.

If he has been awarded sole custody in the past it could happen again if you do not do this properly.  Your previous posts are so focused on the adultery that it seems....at least to me (a total stranger)...that you are not keeping your eye on the big picture here, which is your child.  Even giving him a pass on the State's child support minimum is, IMO, foolish.  You are trusting a man who has proven he can NOT be trusted.  He has other children for whom he is responsible.  It may be easier for him to ask for sole custody of this child and receive CS from you.  You must protect yourself and your child.

I'm not being rude here, just making an observation given what you have provided as facts, but IMO, you are not familiar enough with the law to represent yourself.  Your child looks very young. You will be dealing with the outcome of this divorce and custody for many, many years to come.  Please do this properly.  At least go and take the time to consult an attorney (usually free for the first hour) and see what they have to tell you.  If you do this pro se, at least have an attorney or a paralegal look over the papers before you sign them and file them with the court.  Better to be safe than sorry, KWIM?


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