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Divorce & Starting Over Divorce & Starting Over

wwyD?

Posted by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 11:30 AM
  • 6 Replies

I've been in this group way too much this week lol

ok. so my stbx waited a year to answer my divorce and now my default won't be granted. He asked that my divorce be dismissed b/c I filed in the wrong county. I didn't file in the wrong county - he's an idiot. But here's the deal. When we separated I moved across state lines from tn to al. This hasn't been issue because he told me to move here and hasn't complained about me being here. We currently meet half way every other weekend. My lawyer is saying we can continue on our path in tn and head to mediation and trial. Or I can take his dismissal and refile in alabama. Alabama is a no-fault state. they seem to not really give a damn why you are getting a divorce or what you did while you were married. If we refile down here he'll have to come to me. No more meeting half way, he can come pick up his son from my front door. My lawyer seems to think that I will have a better chance of getting what I want in AL vs TN, but we'd be starting over from scratch.
I'm currently pregnant and have been living with my s/o since oct. I just want a divorce so we can get married and start moving forward. my ex is trying to use my pregnancy against me, and even though my lawyer says repeatedly that it won't affect anything I'm still scared it will. I don't know what to do. Keep moving foward in TN or make the bastard come to me in alabama?

by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 11:30 AM
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Replies (1-6):
miss_AP
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 1:11 PM

Hmmm, that's a lot to think about. On one hand....things are already in the works. On the other hand....starting over from scratch might not be bad either. I do have to say that being in a no-fault state is nice. I suppose if it were me I would look into a little more closely...though I know the timeframe is compressed when facing a response to a Mot to Dismiss. Even though you moved can you really file in your state? Will the fact that you filed in the other state be prejudicial or allow the court in your state to deny your petition? I have no idea if those are concerns but I would be sure.

I would also take a quick peek at what each state tends to do as custody. Even if its more drawn out...if you are more likely to get what you want in the current jurisdiction, I would stay there. Once something is there and filed and on the books is harder to change becuase you have to show cause why its no longer okay even though it was when it was filed, if that makes sense. If your state will be better custody wise and there are no jurisdictional issues, I would probably do the new state. But....sometimes the jurisdiction for the divorce and the custody are separate jurisdictions....so make sure that even if the new jurisdiction would have authority for the divorce make sure you don't have to have a separate proceeding elsewhere for custody. its such a pain. Divorce jurisdiction is typically determined by the parties, but custody jurisdiction is determined by the children's location.....and every state and sometime every county has different rules about how long as child has to have been in a place and any other requirements.....could he fight jurisdiction for custody because the kids spend enough time with him and have only been gone so long that he can argue their jurisdiction is where it is. 


Man that was confusing. I was just airing some things i would want to know as I talked about them. Overall if the pieces work in your favor go with the new jurisdiction. It might not be true at all, but it seems that courts with no-fault tend to put up with less of the mudslinging even is custody...because ultimately it doesn't really matter.


Good luck with your decisions!!!

slinkerpon11
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 4:01 PM

we have to work out all of the little details too. we've been in al for a year. this is where their medicaid is, their doctors, dentist, etc. we've set up home base here. In alabama you have to live in the state for 6 months to be considered a resident. so when I filed for divorce I wasn't considered a resident yet. He is claiming that I lived in W county for 2 months before seperation and should have filed in that county for that reason, and that's the county and adress he's still at. But I had actually only lived at that adress with him for 18 days, so we filed in the county where our marriage was (next county over.) We couldn't of filed in W county like he thinks. He seems to assume the judge might dismiss the case and let him start over in W county, that won't happen. But I could agree to the dismissal and jump board the alabama train. My lawyer is spending the day going over what she thinks is the best idea. There is a possiblity we could be divorced in TN in june, but I doubt it seeming how he's trying to pull the crazy card and has now thrown in adultery as well. I emailed my lawyer asking about what if we just threaten to swap states on him and see what he does. I would love to make him drive me though, he probably wouldn't drag it on for too long if I keep him in court all the time.

Quoting miss_AP:

Hmmm, that's a lot to think about. On one hand....things are already in the works. On the other hand....starting over from scratch might not be bad either. I do have to say that being in a no-fault state is nice. I suppose if it were me I would look into a little more closely...though I know the timeframe is compressed when facing a response to a Mot to Dismiss. Even though you moved can you really file in your state? Will the fact that you filed in the other state be prejudicial or allow the court in your state to deny your petition? I have no idea if those are concerns but I would be sure.

I would also take a quick peek at what each state tends to do as custody. Even if its more drawn out...if you are more likely to get what you want in the current jurisdiction, I would stay there. Once something is there and filed and on the books is harder to change becuase you have to show cause why its no longer okay even though it was when it was filed, if that makes sense. If your state will be better custody wise and there are no jurisdictional issues, I would probably do the new state. But....sometimes the jurisdiction for the divorce and the custody are separate jurisdictions....so make sure that even if the new jurisdiction would have authority for the divorce make sure you don't have to have a separate proceeding elsewhere for custody. its such a pain. Divorce jurisdiction is typically determined by the parties, but custody jurisdiction is determined by the children's location.....and every state and sometime every county has different rules about how long as child has to have been in a place and any other requirements.....could he fight jurisdiction for custody because the kids spend enough time with him and have only been gone so long that he can argue their jurisdiction is where it is. 


Man that was confusing. I was just airing some things i would want to know as I talked about them. Overall if the pieces work in your favor go with the new jurisdiction. It might not be true at all, but it seems that courts with no-fault tend to put up with less of the mudslinging even is custody...because ultimately it doesn't really matter.


Good luck with your decisions!!!


tottaxi
by Silver Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 5:47 PM

I think ms_AP has given great advice.  If AL is the better state I think it would be worth starting over.  At least all of the hearings would be easier to attend.

Let us know what your attorney has to say!

amonkeymom
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 2:09 PM

I agree, but I'm curious as to what your attorney thinks is best.

Quoting tottaxi:

I think ms_AP has given great advice.  If AL is the better state I think it would be worth starting over.  At least all of the hearings would be easier to attend.

Let us know what your attorney has to say!


slinkerpon11
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 7:49 PM

because tn passed some thing for father's rights and nashville is begining to push for those rights. my ex lives with his parents in the next county over, which is one of the wealthiest counties in america. my county in alabama isn't pushing hard for fathers rights, esepcially not for a father that lives 3 hours away. and my ex keeps me in court b/c it's just a few blocks over from his work. He'd be more willing to end this quickly if he always had to take a whole day off of work for court.

Quoting amonkeymom:

I agree, but I'm curious as to what your attorney thinks is best.

Quoting tottaxi:

I think ms_AP has given great advice.  If AL is the better state I think it would be worth starting over.  At least all of the hearings would be easier to attend.

Let us know what your attorney has to say!



RLSMOM59
by Silver Member on Apr. 23, 2013 at 10:34 AM

In my opinion, your attorney should have filed a motion for default the day after you STBX did not answer.  Did your attorney present you with that? Sounds like your attorney is the one that dropped the ball. Mine did that and I had to finish the divorce myself. I don't know what I would do but I sure as heck you be on the back of that attorney.

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