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did anybody appeal a custody decision?

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 6:18 PM
  • 7 Replies

i guess my judge is part of the "father's rights" movment because i got screwed. my ex got 4 weekends/month in the summer plus 3 weekends/month during the school year. the judge also knocked my spousal support from over $600 down to $300, made it short term & said I couldn't home school and had to be full-time employed. I have been a SAHM for the last 4 yrs and a faithful wife & mom. I left our home to him and moved in with family. He cheated. Yet the court continued to screw me.

by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 6:18 PM
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ivf_blessed
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 7:32 PM

WOW, that's awful!  I don't have any advice, just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry you are going through that.  I was told in my state that adultery doesn't really matter to the judges.  It's terrible.  Did you have a lawyer?

tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Jul. 2, 2013 at 9:27 PM

Wow is right.  Four weekends per month in the summer?  That's EVERY weekend???  And three weekends per month in the school year?  That leaves you with ONE.  I can see that you need to work full time so that means you won't even get to see the kids except in the evening and one weekend a month.

And not allowing you to home school...isn't this something that you and your husband had decided upon?  I don't know if a judge can tell you you can't homeschool unless your ex has now refused to allow that. What exactly IS the custody?  Joint?  If that's the case and ex has refused to allow homeschooling then that is what prompted that decision.

Spousal support for a marriage under ten years is seldom awarded, so if you got anything even to tide you over until you get a job you are probably lucky.  Most get nothing even though the decision for a woman to be a sahm is a mutual decision.  It's bullshit, but that is the way the rulings are now.

How in the hell did he manage to get so many weekends???  That is bizarre.

And appeals are only possible if the judge has made a legal mistake.  They are not possible just because you do not like the outcome.

What did your attorney say about all this?

SuddenlySAHM
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 8:04 AM
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It is very frustrating. Many fathers have been shunned in the past simply because they were not the mother, although perhaps the better parent. At least this is what I am told. For this we now have affirmative action, pro-father judges and courts. Unless physical harm has been documented through hospital and/or police records or the father does not care to request shared legal custody... that is what will happen.

Locally, where I am, a motion for change in custody will not be heard unless there has been a significant "change in circumstance" Essentially STBX history of reckless behavior dictates that reckless behavior is not grounds to seek a change in custody unless there is proof of physical harm.

Unless you have the money for THE BEST legal representation it appears the father will be granted far more than is deserved or warranted. Some "greater good" idea of a group of suits who have little, if any, first hand experience trying to reason or parent with in a manipulative, high-conflict personality.

One lawyer who is well known in my area requires an $18,000 retainer for a divorce involving any custody dispute. Custody cases frequently exceed this retainer.

goldpandora
by Bronze Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 9:30 AM

Was the judge aware that you and your (special needs) son HAD to move out of your family home when your ex brought is latest doxie home? Did you make a meal of his lack of moral judgement? That your son has needs that your ex simply does not cater to? I think that you're going to have to get really nasty ...

I understand that adultery maybe doesn't matter but your ex was bringing women around your son and drinking heavily while you were not there. Please use all the ammo you can to shoot the jerk down ...

 

SuddenlySAHM
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 11:18 AM

In my "limited" experience the other parent may have a moral compass that spins wildly with the wind. It makes no difference to the court unless the child has been proven physically harmed by or directly resulting from that parent. The father can degrade and demoralize, put life and limb at extreme risk, they are free to parent as poorly as they see fit short of leaving physical evidence on the child. The benefits of having a relationship with both parents is supposed to outweigh any poor parenting.

I do not agree with this view... but this is the view I am up against.

zebra556
by Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 6:53 PM
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So how does one affect a change? How will these behaviors by the parent affect the children in the long run? These lawyers ( and judges are lawyers) are making decisions outside of their field if expertise. The therapists/ psychologists/ psychiatrists can hand out an opinion on these off kilter parents and be ignored by the court in favor of any relationship with parents as better than none. May God help our children now and in the future. Oh and the physical presence needs to be Recent, not a year ago or even a few months ago.
Monsita
by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 3:28 PM

i guess my judge is part of the "father's rights" movment because i got screwed. my ex got 4 weekends/month in the summer plus 3 weekends/month during the school year. the judge also knocked my spousal support from over $600 down to $300, made it short term & said I couldn't home school and had to be full-time employed. I have been a SAHM for the last 4 yrs and a faithful wife & mom. I left our home to him and moved in with family. He cheated. Yet the court continued to screw me.

 

I AM REALLY SORRY FOR WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH!!  I know the feeling of being screw by the law.....I know it well too.

I was married 12 years and I got nothing!!!!

...it used to be the law that couples split 50-50 OF ALL THEIR 100

NOW, it is more like if you have the best lawyer, you get to keep everything...

We shared the kids though, they go back and forth; 4 DAYS WITH ME, 3 DAYS WITH HIM!!!!

You are right!  the law is not in our favor anymore!!!!hugs

 

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