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Divorce & Starting Over Divorce & Starting Over

Does it ever stop feeling wierd?

Posted by on Oct. 27, 2013 at 12:41 PM
  • 9 Replies
1 mom liked this

My ex left me January 2010 because he wasn't happy being married. We were high school sweethearts and had been married for 12 years. At 1st I felt that my whole life came crashing down around me. I sunk into a deep depression and almost took my own life. I started counseling and anti-depression meds as well as going back to church. My family was also a big help at this time.

It's now been almost 3 yrs since my divorce has been finalized. I met and fell in love with a wonderful man and am planning on moving in with him next summer. We've been talking about getting married but neither one of us can afford that right now. The thought is that we will move in together and then save up for our wedding. This man treats me like his queen and there isn't a doubt in my mind that he loves me. His co-workers, friends, and family all tell me he is crazy about me.

I know that there is a part of me that still loves my ex and likely always will. He was a big part of my life for many years and the father of my 3 children. I still have contact with him since we have joint custody of our 3 children. I would NEVER date the man again because he caused me so much emotional pain, cost me a lot of money and totally ruined my credit. I'm civil to him for the kids sake but that's it.

From the time we started dating until he left me, we always ended our phone conversations with "I love you" and whenever we parted ways, we would always kiss. CLEARLY we aren't doing that now and haven't for some time. I haven't seen him in months (which is AWESOME) and most of our communication is via text. The other day he must have been lonely because he actually called me. He wanted to talk about the kids. Nothing big, just wanted to talk. Anyway, at the end of the conversation, it still felt weird. Like neither one of us knew how to end the conversation.

Does anyone understand what I'm saying?

Sorry this ended up being so long.

by on Oct. 27, 2013 at 12:41 PM
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Replies (1-9):
tottaxi
by Silver Member on Oct. 27, 2013 at 2:06 PM
2 moms liked this

It sounds like the "I love you" became a habit.  Sometimes it takes awhile to break a habit...compare it to smoking..some people stop smoking by replacing it with chewing gum.  Find a replacement sign off..."Talk to you later" comes to mind.  Or "See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya" would work ,too!!  LOL!!!

Bonnie_
by Member on Oct. 28, 2013 at 3:33 AM

Yes I understand.  Don't  be surpised  when you  find  that  you  miss him.  And you will  but  only  because   of  your history.  12  years  is a long time.   But  don't  fall for any  tales of wore.  The  same  thing  that  caused  him  to run  off before  will be there again.  And don't  try to  jump  into a  marriage  with  this new guy.  Honestly   you  should  date someone 5 years  before  you  marry them  so  you  have a chance to  see how  they  handle different  situations  should they arise. Give  you  a chance  to  see something  you  may  have otherwise missed...

A  good way to end the call  is this

' Well it's been good  hearing  from   you again!  Take care!!!'

Akeso
by Bronze Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 4:18 PM

I know what you mean. We normally end texts with two "xx's", now it's just one (keeping civil), which also means "EX". "Bye" would do just fine over the phone.

Cenedra64
by Loria on Oct. 29, 2013 at 4:37 PM
I was married for 16 yrs. I went on with my life. In time you dont even think about the ex. Well i guess for me its easier since he dont have nothing to do with the kids.
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newbie1198
by Bronze Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 4:44 PM

 I COULD HAVE ALMOST WRITTEN YOUR POST MYSELF.  MY EX LEFT OCT. 2011 OUR DIVORCE WAS FINALIZED FRIDAY APRIL 13,2012.  WE WERE HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEARTS I HAD BEEN DATING HIM SINCE I WAS 15 AND WE WERE MARRIED FOR 15YRS.  JUST LIKE YOU IN THE BEGINNING MY WORLD SHATTERED, I TOO WENT TO COUNSELING FOR A WHILE AND MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY KEPT ME TOGETHER.  UNLIKE YOU I HAVEN'T MET ANYONE YET, AND LIKE YOU WE HAVE JOINT CUSTODY.  DEEP DOWN I KNOW I STILL LOVE HIM AND ALWAYS WILL BECAUSE HE WAS A HUGE PART OF MY LIFE FOR A VERY LONG TIME AND BOTH OF MY KIDS I HAD WITH HIM, BUT I WOULDN'T TAKE HIM BACK IT HURT ME AND THE KIDS DEEPLY.  HE LEFT 1 WK BEFORE OUR DAUGHTER'S 6TH BIRTHDAY, HE MARRIED THE MISTRESS AND THERE CHILD WAS BORN SHORTLY AFTER OUR DIVORCE WAS FINAL I'M SURE YOU CAN DO THE MATH.  HOWEVER WE HAVE JOINT CUSTODY SO I AM CIVIL TO HIM FOR MY KID SAKE.  ONCE IN A WHILE HE AND I CONVERSE OVER THE PHONE ABOUT THE KIDS, AND IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE FRIENDS, BUT I DIGRESS WE ARE NOT!!!!  BUT HE WAS MY VERY BEST FRIEND FOR SUCH A LONG TIME THAT IT FEELS WEIRD NOT BEING.  AND WE ALWAYS ENDED OUR CONVERSATIONS WITH I LOVE YOU TOO THAT IN FACT ONE NIGHT HE WAS TALKING TO OUR SON AND MISTAKENLY TOLD HIM TO TELL ME AND HIS SISTER THAT HE LOVES US

bjane01
by Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 11:09 PM
Makes me sad to hear this. Maybe love never ends. I still think of my ex alot. I was hoping by now that it would stop. It is just so hard to not think of him as my husband. It is hard because my ex wants us to get back together too. It breaks my heart. I hate that.
bzyblondmomof5
by on Oct. 30, 2013 at 1:19 PM
my hubby left in august after 12 1/2 yrs of marriage. i have known him since i was 14. its odd cause now he just says bye bye. and when i pick up kids as he gets them on saturdays i still want to give him a hug and a kiss. its getting better but going anywhere as a family even though we are not divorced yet is now weird, we always held hands wherever we went. i will love him always. right now i feel like my insides are mush and im a puddle. the last 2 weeks i have actually been not so depressed and feel like i can accetp things as they are.
Discovermyself
by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 12:06 AM

My ex and I have been together for 20 yrs and married for 16 yrs.  I have never left the house without kissing him goodbye.  My divorce has only been final for a week now and he's been gone from the house since March this year.  I still catch myself walking out of the house in the morning feeling like I've forgotten something.  Then I remember that he's been cheating on my off and on for years and I just recently found out about it.  Thinking about that makes me feel better that I don't have to kiss his cheating a$$ any longer.  :-) LOL! 

Seriously, I fully understand what you are saying and agree that it's really a habit that is hard to break.  I've transfered that good bye kiss in the mornings to my sons and our dog.  It's been working for me these last 7 months and I think it makes the kids feel good in the process.

Stephd710
by Bronze Member on Nov. 1, 2013 at 11:15 AM

Yes, i my ex accidentally ended a few phone conversations with "I love you" a few times.  I would just laugh. Its hard to break the habit.  Now we just end it with "Ok bye". 

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