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I Have Been Forced to Leave My Husband_PIOG

Posted by on May. 4, 2014 at 6:11 AM
  • 5 Replies

I have had CINC cases for my kids since my husband and I's domestic dispute in October. Last night he tried to steal from a neighbor and had the police called. He has been doing so poorly lately that if I had not made the decision to leave him today, our children would have been removed from both of our custody. As it is, I'm not really sure that they won't be removed from mine alone, but I'm going to fight to keep them as best as I can.

With all of that being said, I am struggling with my feelings about all of this. I feel cheated. I feel rage. I feel sadness. I feel happy. I feel guilt for my kids. And these all just vary. I can be completely fine for a minute, and the next be struggling because I was forced into this decision. I WANTED MY HUSBAND! It's as simple as that. I want my kids more, obviously, because I have made it so I can't change my mind about him being in my life without severe consequences. I want to be happy and lighter and feel like I did the right thing but I don't. My husband was not a monster all the time. Not even most of the time. He just had a problem. And I hate him for putting me in this position. I hate him for breaking my heart time and time again for the past almost 6 years of my life. I hate that he will not have the chance to make things the way that he promised for so long. I flat out just hate him right now.

I cannot stop crying right now. I don't want this, and yet I do. I am struggling very much right now. It feels hard to breathe just because of how much my heart hurts that my marriage is over for a reason out of my control. It hurts because he saw alcohol and drugs as more important than me, than our kids! How does someone do that? I don't feel like this could possibly be right because of how awful I feel, but I know that it was. I know that the pain will get better with time. I pray that someday I will stop blaming myself for my failed marriage and for my beautiful babies growing up without a father.

by on May. 4, 2014 at 6:11 AM
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Replies (1-5):
tottaxi
by Battle Weary on May. 4, 2014 at 9:40 AM

I want to be able to respond appropriately, but in order to do so I feel like I need to know more about the details of the "domestic dispute".  If you could provide some background it would be helpful.

kh4irish
by Member on May. 4, 2014 at 9:42 AM

He is responsible for his own choices.  You are responsible for how you deal with his poor choices. I feel your pain.  But stay strong.  And your voice is being heard.  Perhaps you are hearing your own voice for the first time.  I always say that I may not know what I wanted but I better damn welll know what I didn't want...And let that lead you.  I say, I ended the marriage, but he destroyed it. So be it. I often agonized about why I stayed so long...and I had to tell myself, that I did what I thought was best at that time.  Time has changed. Now it is all about being safe and happy.  Your kids will see that you are strong if you do not engage anymore with this toxic man.

LuckyNLoved
by on May. 4, 2014 at 10:40 AM

He hit me when I refused to give him money that was for a bill. He wanted it so he could buy drugs. I called the police and he was arrested.

 

tottaxi
by Battle Weary on May. 4, 2014 at 8:54 PM
1 mom liked this

First, let me give you a link to a website where you may find some answers:

https://www.whengeorgiasmiled.org/

EVERY woman who has been the victim of domestic violence will tell you that "he was not a monster all the time."  Of course not.  No one would purposely become involved with a "monster".  It is because of those moments when he is treating you well that you forgive those moments when he is not.  Those good moments cause you to wish for the relationship that could have been instead of the relationship that you actually have. 

It is sad that someone else had to make the decision for you.  It is sad that you could did not feel worthy of a better relationship.  I am glad that you can see that even though you were not ready to give up on the relationship and would have stayed only to suffer more abuse, that you have accepted that your children do NOT deserve to see that sort of relationship and are willing to accept the decision of others as the correct one even though you are struggling to accept it yourself.  You need support and you really should seek counseling as a victim of domestic violence.  Hopefully, he, too, will receive the help he needs to work on his issues, but do NOT think that even with help he will ever truly change.  That happens very, very, seldom.

The longer you are away from him (and DO stay away from him), the healthier you will become and you will see that your "love" may have been based more on what your image of what could be a good husband and a happy marriage than the reality.

You DO deserve better and your children definitely deserve a better role model than he is or that even you are at this moment.  Work hard to show your children what a happy, healthy person, mother, and relationship (in the future) looks like.  Their future matters.

Monsita
by on May. 5, 2014 at 9:58 AM
So sorry!

Please keep this in mind: Your husband, the one that you loved with all your heart, was gone\lost on his drugs world.
He was not the one who hitted you! That one that did it was the one is addicted to drugs. You lost your husband at the moment he decided to use drugs.
He took a different journey, instead of loving, taking care of you and his kids, he stopped caring for anyone, but himself and his drugs.
So sorry you are emotionally destroyed, but with help and time, you can raise and be even much stronger than you ever were before!!!!!
You are alive and it counts as a second chance!
A chance to work on you and your kids.
Best of luck.
Hugs.

Quoting LuckyNLoved: He hit me when I refused to give him money that was for a bill. He wanted it so he could buy drugs. I called the police and he was arrested.
 
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