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Weekend Drama

Posted by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 10:07 AM
  • 7 Replies

Started Thursday at about 7pm with ex texting me asking me to bring the kids to him Saturday around 11am.

I text back asking why he couldn't get them at 6pm Friday. He had to work 2pm-11pm. Okay fine. Since it's just barely less than 24 hour notice I will let him have them Saturday. BUT I will not bring them to him. I told him if he wants them then he has to come get them. So he said fine.

(Off topic but he also mentioned he WILL switch me weekends in August so I can take my ODS to college but he really wanted to help see him off... HOW??? Because his Jeep won't make it there & he sure is hell not going to ride with me!)

Around 10pm Friday I text him asking if the kids are staying over night Saturday. He said he would let me know when he got home (which I knew would be around midnight). No reply when I got up the next morning. So I text again & made the kids pack just in case (didn't want him getting there & they not be packed & find out they are). Just as we zip up the suitcase he text back & says no. So they unpack & the 5yo throws a temper tantrum (I did text ex about it hoping to make him feel guilty).

He finally got there at 11:30 (his idea of "around 11"). An hour later I get a text saying he wants me to bring the kids to him after church on Sunday! So I ask why he didn't just keep them overnight? His reply was "Because I can't feed them"!!! I said "So what am I suppose to do? I'm not going all the way home to feed them if I'm right there at the church less than 5 minutes from your place. Besides, I wasn't even going straight home after church. We were going to go see my mom at the place she's at in Gahanna." His reply was "I can do lunch & dinner. Just bring them after church. It is my weekend I just don't have the space for them to sleep tonight". (BTW that "we" was the kids & I until I found out he wanted them Sunday too & now my 13yo DD is upset because it's been a week since she has seen Nana & she misses her)

We also argued about what time I'm picking them up tonight (I told him I had a meeting at 6pm & I could either pick them up right before or I could get them at 7:30 & he told me to make it 9 so he could feed them).


by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 10:07 AM
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Replies (1-7):
tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Jun. 29, 2014 at 3:37 PM

So what happened to following the schedule?  It sounds like he is back to getting them when it is convenient and keeping you wondering what the hell is going on from one minute to the next.

Set a schedule and adhere to it.  No substitutions.  Everyone...you and your kids are being held hostage by this ass' whims.   I think it is time that HE come up with a standard schedule.  Until then I'd probably withhold visits and tell him if he doesn't like it to take me to court.

CampClan
by Bronze Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 4:07 PM

I had thought about telling him if he can't have them picked up by 6pm Friday then he forfeits. But he did give me 24 hour notice of a change (barely since it was after 6pm Thursday that he text me). Our papers state he has to give me 48 hours notice if holiday pick up/drop off needs changed & 24 hour notice if regular parenting time is going to be cancelled. It states nothing about giving notice if he just needs to change his pick up time.

And we did get into it (there is way more to it than what I put) about me not letting his family see the kids (on my time) & me being a bitch (yep... saved those texts too). And the fact that he can't keep them overnight because he can't feed them actually turned into he didn't have the room for them to sleep over... it was a mess. 

Quoting tottaxi:

So what happened to following the schedule?  It sounds like he is back to getting them when it is convenient and keeping you wondering what the hell is going on from one minute to the next.

Set a schedule and adhere to it.  No substitutions.  Everyone...you and your kids are being held hostage by this ass' whims.   I think it is time that HE come up with a standard schedule.  Until then I'd probably withhold visits and tell him if he doesn't like it to take me to court.


tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Jun. 29, 2014 at 4:43 PM

He continues to treat you like a doormat.  He needs to understand that you are no longer married and required to help him make shit work.  Not your job.  Either he can come up with appropriate solutions or you won't cooperate.  Pick up time at a specific time.  Not 24 hours notice?  NOT your problem.  Can't find a place for them to sleep?  Don't take them at all.  It is all or nothing.  This back and forth bs is just that....bs.  What if you and SO wanted to go away for a weekend?  It won't be possible the way things are now.

CC, you've got to treat him like a stranger...like this is a business situation.  He takes advantage of you because he knows you will go along with it.  If he suddenly had to deal with someone else in this situation...say ME, for example...do you think he would try to manipulate me like he does you?  Every time he does this he is disrespecting you and making the kids feel like they are an afterthought instead of his primary concern.

He needs to step up and shape up.  He needs to know that the rules apply to him and when he can't follow those rules then there is a consequence for that action.  Don't argue with him.  Just tell him to put it in writing.  You are not a bitch because you are expecting him to follow the rules.  You are an adult.

Goobergal
by Bronze Member on Jun. 30, 2014 at 10:55 AM
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Agreed w totaxi. In my case, jackass went for full custody because he was crazy and hated me.  Fine, then you'll be treated like you know what the heck you are doing at parenting.  Oh no, I have to pick her up at 9 because I m volunteering at wounded warrior.  Too bad,  papers said ten. And guess what, when she was a toddler and I had to pee, still had to accommodate her to even hit the rest room.   He was so pissed.  Had to tell him you know how many times I missed things or rescheduled or dragged a kid alone for their needs?  Wake up.


he gets her one overnight visit, she burns her finger w a flat iron, not bad.  He can't get me at home and calls the sheriffs dept because I left one of the babies alone.  He was fifteen and a half.  So heck yeah I put that dumbass to the parenting test and he kept failing. It's why I have primary, and I have ALL decision making powers and HE is supposed to pay.  


Fatherhood means figuring ring it all out.  We make it easy for them and they act like they can do it, not knowing the concessions and allowance we made for THEM. 

goldpandora
by Bronze Member on Jun. 30, 2014 at 12:08 PM
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You really do need to stop bending over backwards for him. If he pulls this "I can't have them overnight" stunt again tell him that if the children don't have anywhere to sleep at his place that you'll have to get the CO reviewed for no overnights with him ... of course this would also entail modifying CS...

WHY didn't he have anywhere for them to sleep? Doesn't he have the space or had he given up their beds to someone else?

MPD95
by on Jul. 15, 2014 at 1:14 AM

I have started emailing my ex a schedule every sunday for the whole week, complete with times, who will pick up where, etc, who will be feeding them what meals, etc..  There are to be no changes to the schedule unless there is some emergency or unless both of us agree.  Of course, i know it may not solve everything but it may help to have it in writing.  Agree with what someone said above, it's totally black and white, you do this or you don't and then back to court or whatever.  

CampClan
by Bronze Member on Jul. 15, 2014 at 6:20 AM
He can't affairs a place big enough for 2 teenage girls, an 11yo boy, a 5yo boy, & a 3yo boy. He & his GF live in a 2 bedroom apartment with their 3yo son. I'd be okay for now with them sleeping on the floor in his living room!

Our state does not determine CS by the number of overnights. It's strictly income.


Quoting goldpandora:

You really do need to stop bending over backwards for him. If he pulls this "I can't have them overnight" stunt again tell him that if the children don't have anywhere to sleep at his place that you'll have to get the CO reviewed for no overnights with him ... of course this would also entail modifying CS...


WHY didn't he have anywhere for them to sleep? Doesn't he have the space or had he given up their beds to someone else?

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