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I've decided.

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:28 PM
  • 5 Replies
I've decided to leave him. We've been married two years. Things have never been great. I have been sitting on the situation for about a year and a half and I'm ready. Ready to get it over with. I want to be amicable for the kids but he is benign awful. I have only told him I'm leaving him. One day he hates me and hits me, the next he's sorry and buying me cards and flowers. I'm so annoyed and just want it over with. I'm not sure what the next steps are. Can anyone let me in on how separation and divorce works? We have 3 kids.
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:28 PM
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tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:56 PM

So sorry you are in this terrible situation.  Is there a Women's Shelter or center for prevention of abuse near you?  What state do you live in?  Laws about separation and divorce vary by state.

Stay safe!!!

Iwillsoonhave3
by on Jul. 24, 2014 at 9:13 AM
I'm in indiana.

Quoting tottaxi:

So sorry you are in this terrible situation.  Is there a Women's Shelter or center for prevention of abuse near you?  What state do you live in?  Laws about separation and divorce vary by state.


Stay safe!!!

tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Jul. 24, 2014 at 11:33 AM

You can google "how to file for divorce in Indiana".  You can go to Indiana's website on divorce laws for information.  If you have lived in Indiana for at least six months and the county you plan to file in for at least three months you will be able to file right away. 

Do you plan to get an attorney or go Pro Se?

Iwillsoonhave3
by on Jul. 24, 2014 at 5:20 PM
I have no idea. Do you have any suggestion? Pros and cons?

Quoting tottaxi:

You can google "how to file for divorce in Indiana".  You can go to Indiana's website on divorce laws for information.  If you have lived in Indiana for at least six months and the county you plan to file in for at least three months you will be able to file right away. 


Do you plan to get an attorney or go Pro Se?

tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Jul. 24, 2014 at 5:53 PM

IMO, since you have children you need an attorney.  It is very hard to learn everything we need to know when it comes to custody.  But even in saying that, I think we have to do our own legwork and understand the types of custody and what to expect in each type.  That is what this forum is really great at doing...helping newbies to custody avoid some of the mistakes that we have made and, hopefully, get a better custody agreement.

Once you are familiar with the types of custody, ask yourself how well you and stbx communicate.  My ex is the type of guy that is thinks he is always right.  He never considered my opinion as valid let alone better than his in regards to absolutely anything.  Since your stbx is abusive I would guess that communicating with him is not nor will it ever be easy.  Therefore, IMO, you should start out asking for sole custody.  You can't start out asking for joint and then a month from now change your mind when you realize what a dick he is going to be.  At the VERY MINIMUM, ask for joint custody with you having the final say on decisions.  That means that you will still have to consult him, but if the two of you can not agree you can make the decision on your own.  Without final say it would require going back to court and having a judge decide...that is something most of us can't afford to do financially.  If your stbx is a bully it would be very difficult to communicate and if you can't afford to go to court you would probably end up always giving him his way even though it is not in the children's best interests.

No matter what type of custody you ask for make sure that the judge or mediator knows that you will always act in the best interests of the children.  That means that even if your stbx is a total ass, you will still keep him informed of doctor's appointments, etc. and will facilitate his relationship with the kids by not denying him visitation.

Feel free to ask questions of the ladies here.  Read some of the old posts that pertain to custody.  You'll see some of the things that you are likely to face...most of it is not good...and it will help you figure out the details of your agreement.  Details are the key!!!  The more detailed the agreement the less room there is for argument.

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