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Did you go through this?

Posted by on Aug. 25, 2014 at 6:41 PM
  • 3 Replies

I have a feeling I'll be at this board a lot now!  He left over the weekend, after a huge fight (I admit, I told him to leave, that all he does is anger our explosive son and that we'd be better off without him).  I meant it, but didn't mean it to come out in anger.

He came over Sunday to get some things for work, left without saying goodbye to the kids (just snuck out the side door).  So now that's twice he's left them without a word.

Finally communicated today.  I asked if he wanted to come over so we could talk, or should I just contact a lawyer.  His response:  If I called a lawyer, he would quit his job and be homeless, jobless, and we'd never hear from him again.  It's not a threat, that's what he'd do.

As well as some personal attacks against me and what a horrible person he thinks I am, how he only gets joy from the boys, etc..

However, he also says he's going to move back into the house, live in the basement, and will stay until the boys graduate (twins), then we'll get divorced.  They are in second grade.

I'm willing to give it a try, but the threat about the lawyer is really making me angry.  I want to be protected in this and I feel that a formal agreement is in both our best interests.  I also feel like if he's going to be so petty that he makes personal attacks that living in the same house will be just as bad as the last seven years have been (as angry as I got at him in the past, I never name called or made comments of that  nature.  In his eyes, I can see that my comments about him not trying to handle the explosive twin appropriately and that he antagonizes him might be the same.  I want to be fair).

I don't think I'll want to date again, I have no interest in a relationship and since there's been no personal side to ours for well over two years I don't see myself wanting to be intimate with another person again so who would want to date me?  I'm perfectly happy being on my own, I've been thinking about it for a couple of years now and I'm prepared.

Just wanted to know if any of you had a similar situation when you split up, how you handled it, and any advice that you have.  Thanks!

by on Aug. 25, 2014 at 6:41 PM
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by on Aug. 25, 2014 at 7:15 PM
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Mine has threatened suicide. And I'm honestly afraid he might do it.

But I made the decision final this last week that I want a separation and for him to move out. I haven't told him yet... Waiting for the appropriate time.

But the truth is... I finally came to realize that I can't be held responsible for someone else's actions. And living with or without someone who is willing to manipulate through threats isn't something anyone deserves.

If he is willing to abandon his children... That's his decision. But if your marriage isn't making you happy, you've tried every possible option to find resolution, and it's still continued to be destructive... Then do what feels right. And it sounds like you know what that is. Don't let fear be your guide
by Battle Weary on Aug. 25, 2014 at 8:25 PM
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I'd have to call his bluff.  Who cares if he quits his job, is homeless and you never hear from him again?  He'll never do can't get that lucky.

Go ahead and get prepared.  Make copies of important documents like income tax returns, pay stubs, bank account numbers, life insurance policies, mortgage and loan papers, etc.  Take out a credit card in your name only.  Start putting money aside and when the time comes for you to file for divorce go ahead and empty any checking or savings accounts.  I know that doesn't seem right, but my ex cleaned us out and the judge never required him to pay me my half.  At worst  you will have to pay him a portion, but probably not.  You have young children so you need to see an attorney that specializes in child custody.  Research the laws of your state so that you know what the types of custody entail.  Ask questions here about anything you don't understand.

If you are already even contemplating life without him then it sounds as like you are done.  Now you must handle this like a  business situation.  Leave out the drama and deal with it logically.  Document everything, keep your communication brief and limited to text or email so that you can have documentatin of his threats.


by on Aug. 26, 2014 at 4:59 AM

Thank you both!  We had a good converstation last night, he's calmed down and we came to some agreements.  We'll see how it goes from here.

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