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The basics

Posted by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:06 AM
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I copied this from the One Mom's Battle facebook page.  I think many of us will find it a helpful guideline.

From an OMB admin a collection of wisdom from herself and members here:
1. Negotiating - THERE IS NO NEGOTIATING WITH TERRORISTS. Do not do so. Avoid mediation like the plague, since it is with a Narcissist it will a waste of time and money.

2. Court Orders - Always follow court orders. Make certain anything submitted to or received from the judge you read and understand them fully. Once these are signed and in place YOU MUST FOLLOW THEM. Make your attorney explain every term, sentence, etc. that is any paper you are being asked to sign and retain a copy for your file. If you do not understand it or agree with it, do not sign it. Orders are harder to overturn once in place. Narcissist are incapable of co-parenting or parallel parenting, make certain any legal representation obtained has full understanding of narcissism.

3. In Person Meetings/Exchanges - Make ALL exchanges or meetings in person at a safe place from the elements, public space, with witnesses, and potential cameras. This is essential for parenting time exchanges. NO PARKING LOTS. See if your county offers a visitation transition program where you can exchange or the local police department is often utilized by many parents.

4. Documentation - Document, document, document. Keep ALL text, emails, and any and all forms of communication. The preferred method of communication with narcissistic parents is talkingparents.com or ourfamilywizzard.com. Both of these online programs are accepted and endorsed by the family court system and domestic violence advocates. They create the chain of custody and eliminates the authenticity requirement to be entered in as evidence.

5. Police Reports - Information police reports are just as helpful even if law enforcement is not going to prosecute, be certain to create the information reports when needed and obtain a certified affidavit authenticating it is an original copy by issuing jurisdiction.

6. Organization - make certain that your documentation is organized. I have binders with protective sheets covering them. Organized by topic and with a table of contents for each section. I have an excel spreadsheet I use for a timeline, a list of exhibits (updated with each new police report or information applicable to support of order or noncompliance of the order). I have created a log of missed visits and times that children are returned.

7. Engage VS. Communication - The purpose of narcissist communication is to engage you to feed their supply. Further, when the non-narcissistic engages it appears as if they are high conflict also. DO NOT ENGAGE. When the narcissist parent communicates only address the information that applies to the children; be business like, professional, and courteous. If there is something in the communication that you disagree with or inserted to bait age you, do not acknowledge or if it is something you believe you need to acknowledge seeing or addressing simply state: I disagree with your characterization of events. - Take what you need and leave the rest theory. Remember just because things are true doesn't mean they need to be said and NEVER justify, rationalize, defend, or explain things to a narcissist. This is hugely important for people new to the battle. Normal people you do these things for enhanced communication but with narcs it is a trap causing you frustration and them to feel empowered and energized to prolong the fight/discussion

8. Consistent - Broken record - always be consistent. See rule #2, there is no room for flexibility with a narcissistic parent.

9. First things first - Put your oxygen mask on first. Take good care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Never get to hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (H>A>L>T>) people make mistakes more often under these circumstances. Ask for help. Develop your network who understands narcissism and what it is like to attempt to parallel parent with one.

10. Resources - Utilize all available resources in your county - domestic violence shelter, therapy, and support groups.

11. Lingo - Learn the lingo. Be certain to understand the full meaning of words. What a word means in the legal dictionary could deviate from the Webster; understand the implications of the language or industry lingo used.

12. K.I.S.S. - Keep it simple. Because most of us have lived so long with the domestic terrorism invoked by narcissist we tend to try to figure out their next attack and our counter move; it is important to keep it simple. Overthinking distorts our logic and our responses if needed.

by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:06 AM
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tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:08 AM

Karenax....have your son read this or make a copy of it for him.  Narcissists exist in both genders and his ex is definitely in that category.

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