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Edit....attorney calledUpdate... Court tomorrow

Posted by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:26 AM
  • 11 Replies



EDIT!!!!!!

Just got off of the phone with my attorney. In an odd turn of events... My judge has been called in to jury duty. So all of her cases for tomorrow have been canceled and will be rescheduled. My attorney told me that this was really random and rarely happens... But it did.

She said that she still has not been contacted by my STBX or an attorney representing him. I also let her know that he had not had contact with us in 10 days.

So... No court tomorrow. She did mention something about if he hadn't responded within 20 days plus the next Monday....something about him being in default? I'm not sure.

I just told her to let me know when we have been rescheduled to show and let me know if he contacts her.

She's stunned that he hasn't contacted us or anyone. It's all really strange. Idk. Thoughts? Anyone?











So... Here's where we are at. Some of this may be a little recap...

The last time he saw the children was Sat the 25. We met at a local restaurant so the he could have lunch with the kids and play.

He had his ears pierce with spikes and a new phone. Still not a dime to help the kids.

He had talked to them the night before on the phone which was the first time he had spoken with them in 8 days... And he hadn't seen them in nearly 2 weeks.

When leaving my oldest started sobbing and he was trying to reassure her. It wasn't working. He looked at me to help and I just looked back with the face of "don't look at me. You deserve this. This is your own fault"...

Since that day he has not called, texted, or seen the girls. Or me. So... This is day 10 with no communication.

When I saw my attorney on Friday she let me know that he had been served with papers about an hour after seeing the girls. And as of Friday (6 days after being served)... He had yet to contact her and no attorney had contacted my attorney on his behalf.

First court date is tomorrow morning. I think it's called a temporary orders hearing?

At this point we don't know if he will show with or without an attorney or if he will just not show at all. I'm pretty anxious about it all. I've never had to go to court for anything before... So I'm nervous about it.

I went and got some new clothing so that I could look nice since I mostly have jeans and tshirts. I got a conservative outfit that is somewhat comfortable. I'm just not one of those girls who dresses up often so it's strange. But I'm hoping that looking nice will help to ease my nerves.

So... That's where I am this week.
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:26 AM
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Replies (1-10):
tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:52 AM

Eew on the spikes in his ears.  He must be embracing the new gf's lifestyle.  Creepy.  Spikes in the ears always are such indicators to his employers that he has his shit together and is ripe for promotion....NOT.  No visible weirdness should be a lesson taught early in life.  I'm sure they will impress the judge when and if he appears in court.  LOL!

I hope that he does not hire an attorney and does not show in court.  Then you will get what you want by default.

Good choice on the new attire for the courtroom.  It DOES make a difference.  Always look professional and conduct yourself in that manner.  Comfort is key, too.  You don't want to be distracted by a pair of tight shoes or a wedgie in your undies when you need to be focused on the proceedings.

Something that I have learned is to make sure that you get a transcript of the hearing to refer to for later.  I have just recently learned that you can request a stenographer so that ALL of the hearing is on the record.  This was learned after finding out that the judge had turned off the recorder and some very important instructions were not placed on the record.  Live and learn.

Good luck!  Take deep breaths and stay in control.  Judges don't like drama, so don't participate in any of that...even with rolly eyeballs :) 

Let us know how it goes!!!

good luck

KatUzumaki
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 11:47 AM
He wanted to get his ears pierced when we were married. I always told him it was a bad idea for the exact reason you gave.... It wouldn't look good to his employer. So... I'm not surprised he got it done... Or that it's medium sized spikes. And I'm sure his girlfriend loves them.

I actually have facial piercings. Eye brow and nose. But... They aren't distracting on me... At least that's what I've been told. My attorney told me to take them out for tomorrow... So... I will. I know first impressions are important and since I live in the south I don't want the judge to get the wrong idea of me.

I'm with you... Part of my hopes he doesn't show... But at the same time... It's like... He seems to care so little... Part of me... The part that's still hurting wishes he would. Idk if that makes sense... But it's true. I just wish he was responsible is a better way to say it I think.

Who would I talk to about a stenographer or transcript? Would I ask my attorney before hand? ERMERGERD it's all so confusing lol.

Kid you not... Ive never been arrested or in court for anything at all. The most trouble I've been in are a few speeding tickets. But I've only had 1 of those in the last 10 years.

I worry that my anxiety will make it look like I'm on drugs or guilty of something. I'm not... I just get very very nervous about stuff like that. My mail goal is not to have a panic attack or throw up while I'm there. Sad but true.

The only reaction I worry about from me is crying. I'm sensitive. I cry. Even when I don't want to. Idk... I'm just freaking out.

Quoting tottaxi:

Eew on the spikes in his ears.  He must be embracing the new gf's lifestyle.  Creepy.  Spikes in the ears always are such indicators to his employers that he has his shit together and is ripe for promotion....NOT.  No visible weirdness should be a lesson taught early in life.  I'm sure they will impress the judge when and if he appears in court.  LOL!


I hope that he does not hire an attorney and does not show in court.  Then you will get what you want by default.


Good choice on the new attire for the courtroom.  It DOES make a difference.  Always look professional and conduct yourself in that manner.  Comfort is key, too.  You don't want to be distracted by a pair of tight shoes or a wedgie in your undies when you need to be focused on the proceedings.


Something that I have learned is to make sure that you get a transcript of the hearing to refer to for later.  I have just recently learned that you can request a stenographer so that ALL of the hearing is on the record.  This was learned after finding out that the judge had turned off the recorder and some very important instructions were not placed on the record.  Live and learn.


Good luck!  Take deep breaths and stay in control.  Judges don't like drama, so don't participate in any of that...even with rolly eyeballs :) 


Let us know how it goes!!!


good luck

tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Nov. 4, 2014 at 12:07 PM

I was so stressed out every time we went to court it is a wonder I didn't just collapse.  I wouldn't sleep for days before a hearing.  Try to eat a good meal...nothing funky...about three or four hours BEFORE you go to court.

Take notes.  It's allowed and it will give you something to do.  DO make direct eye contact with the judge when he/she is talking, though.  Before you go decide on a few happy images to think about when you feel the urge to cry....playful kittens, silly puppies, your kids smiling and acting goofy...anything that will take you to that happy place.  Honestly, all the bs that your stbx has done would be enough to make me so angry that I could not be wanting to cry.  Think about your poor dog.  That will raise your hackles!  LOL!  Just resist the urge not to jump over the desk and throat punch him!!!

YOU CAN take someone with you.  I didn't for the bulk of my hearings, but my mom went with me to a couple.  She saw my foot start bouncing (something I do when under stress) and she leaned forward when she had an opportunity and said "Stop jiggling."  It was also good to have another set of ears to hear everything that was being discussed.

OH...at our courthouse you have to wait in a specific area before court.  DO NOT ENGAGE.  Take something to look at or read on your phone or whatever, but do not get into any type of discussion with him....another good reason to take someone with you if you can.

Serabeth06
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 12:37 PM
1 mom liked this

 I just wanted to say, it's ok to be nervous. I think judges really understand that they're intimidating. When I got divorced, my ex was in prison, so I had to get divorced by myself. It was mortifying, and I was so anxious, and nervous, and sad, and scared, and I was shaking and trying not to cry. The judge called me to the stand and I dropped all my paperwork on the floor. I got on the stand and he addressed me and the court and said, "I know this is an intimidating process, but nobody here is in trouble. There's no need for anyone to be nervous here, just take your time, gather your thoughts, and we'll all get through this together." It put me at ease, for sure, to know that he wasn't judging me for being a basket case. xD

Quoting KatUzumaki: He wanted to get his ears pierced when we were married. I always told him it was a bad idea for the exact reason you gave.... It wouldn't look good to his employer. So... I'm not surprised he got it done... Or that it's medium sized spikes. And I'm sure his girlfriend loves them. I actually have facial piercings. Eye brow and nose. But... They aren't distracting on me... At least that's what I've been told. My attorney told me to take them out for tomorrow... So... I will. I know first impressions are important and since I live in the south I don't want the judge to get the wrong idea of me. I'm with you... Part of my hopes he doesn't show... But at the same time... It's like... He seems to care so little... Part of me... The part that's still hurting wishes he would. Idk if that makes sense... But it's true. I just wish he was responsible is a better way to say it I think. Who would I talk to about a stenographer or transcript? Would I ask my attorney before hand? ERMERGERD it's all so confusing lol. Kid you not... Ive never been arrested or in court for anything at all. The most trouble I've been in are a few speeding tickets. But I've only had 1 of those in the last 10 years. I worry that my anxiety will make it look like I'm on drugs or guilty of something. I'm not... I just get very very nervous about stuff like that. My mail goal is not to have a panic attack or throw up while I'm there. Sad but true. The only reaction I worry about from me is crying. I'm sensitive. I cry. Even when I don't want to. Idk... I'm just freaking out.
Quoting tottaxi:

Eew on the spikes in his ears.  He must be embracing the new gf's lifestyle.  Creepy.  Spikes in the ears always are such indicators to his employers that he has his shit together and is ripe for promotion....NOT.  No visible weirdness should be a lesson taught early in life.  I'm sure they will impress the judge when and if he appears in court.  LOL!

I hope that he does not hire an attorney and does not show in court.  Then you will get what you want by default.

Good choice on the new attire for the courtroom.  It DOES make a difference.  Always look professional and conduct yourself in that manner.  Comfort is key, too.  You don't want to be distracted by a pair of tight shoes or a wedgie in your undies when you need to be focused on the proceedings.

Something that I have learned is to make sure that you get a transcript of the hearing to refer to for later.  I have just recently learned that you can request a stenographer so that ALL of the hearing is on the record.  This was learned after finding out that the judge had turned off the recorder and some very important instructions were not placed on the record.  Live and learn.

Good luck!  Take deep breaths and stay in control.  Judges don't like drama, so don't participate in any of that...even with rolly eyeballs :) 

Let us know how it goes!!!

good luck

 

WrongWayDiva
by Bronze Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 4:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Ditto what TotTaxi said above!   I tend to 'chatter' when I get nervous--over explain everything or get defensive and cry easily and then forget important things because I am upset.  I practiced out loud in front of a mirror--just going over the important points I wanted to make and took brief notes on a piece of paper to have something to refer to if I got off on a tangent.   Answer questions briefly, be honest, but without drama.   Figure out the 'must haves' and the 'deal breakers' in your case and decide if there are points you could be flexible on.   Request  temporary support--even if this is just a 'custody hearing' it is good to get on record--in our small county we had the same judge in a later court hearing.   Good luck lady!   You are smart, strong and beautiful and you will get thru this!!!      

tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Nov. 4, 2014 at 4:50 PM
2 moms liked this

 This reminded me of something!!  ONLY answer the question that is asked.  Don't elaborate.  Keep your answers brief and to the point and then zip it!  LOL!  I am like WrongWay in that I tend to over explain things (as I am sure all of you have seen in action by the length of my posts!!).  It may not matter so much at this hearing...especially if he is not represented by an attorney, but in the future just answer the question and if it needs more explanation your attorney needs to ask the right questions.

Which leads me to something else...your attorney should totally explain to you what to expect and what questions he/she will be asking and what you can expect from the judge and the other side of the equation.  If the attorney doesn't volunteer this information before you go into the courtroom don't be afraid to ask "What can I expect in there?"

Quoting WrongWayDiva:

Ditto what TotTaxi said above!   I tend to 'chatter' when I get nervous--over explain everything or get defensive and cry easily and then forget important things because I am upset.  I practiced out loud in front of a mirror--just going over the important points I wanted to make and took brief notes on a piece of paper to have something to refer to if I got off on a tangent.   Answer questions briefly, be honest, but without drama.   Figure out the 'must haves' and the 'deal breakers' in your case and decide if there are points you could be flexible on.   Request  temporary support--even if this is just a 'custody hearing' it is good to get on record--in our small county we had the same judge in a later court hearing.   Good luck lady!   You are smart, strong and beautiful and you will get thru this!!!      

 

KatUzumaki
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 5:06 PM
Made an updAte on post for everyone! This is so weird!
tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Nov. 4, 2014 at 6:29 PM

Bummer that it was rescheduled.  I hate it when that happens.  Just means you have to wait and go through the stress again. A judge on jury duty?  Wasn't that the last episode of "Bad Judge"?  LOL!

Only advice I have for you on all of this is DO NOT MENTION this to stbx.  If he doesn't show up and you get a default ruling that would be damn skippy!  LOL!  I hope he continues the irresponsible behavior.  That will only work to your advantage in court. 

Have you and your attorney discussed what you want for your parenting agreement?

KatUzumaki
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 6:34 PM
Total bummer. November 19 is the new date and that feels like it's soooooooooooo far away.

I'm not going to say a word to him. He hasn't contacted us and I have no need to talk to him.

We have talked about what I want and she doesn't believe that he will contest it and if he does and we have to have a hearing, she's quite confident that the judge will side with me.

Honestly.. The more time goes on... The more I wouldn't be surprised if he disappeared from our lives completely... Which is really sad and pathetic.

But like I said before... Not kidding... The only good thing about him was me. I kept him on a good path, kept him responsible, and made sure he spent time with the kids. He's a piece of shit of epic proportions. It's disgusting that I allowed him so much of me for so long.

But... Ya live ya learn.

Quoting tottaxi:

Bummer that it was rescheduled.  I hate it when that happens.  Just means you have to wait and go through the stress again. A judge on jury duty?  Wasn't that the last episode of "Bad Judge"?  LOL!


Only advice I have for you on all of this is DO NOT MENTION this to stbx.  If he doesn't show up and you get a default ruling that would be damn skippy!  LOL!  I hope he continues the irresponsible behavior.  That will only work to your advantage in court. 


Have you and your attorney discussed what you want for your parenting agreement?

KatUzumaki
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 6:40 PM
Total bummer. November 19 is the new date and that feels like it's soooooooooooo far away.

I'm not going to say a word to him. He hasn't contacted us and I have no need to talk to him.

We have talked about what I want and she doesn't believe that he will contest it and if he does and we have to have a hearing, she's quite confident that the judge will side with me.

Honestly.. The more time goes on... The more I wouldn't be surprised if he disappeared from our lives completely... Which is really sad and pathetic.

But like I said before... Not kidding... The only good thing about him was me. I kept him on a good path, kept him responsible, and made sure he spent time with the kids. He's a piece of shit of epic proportions. It's disgusting that I allowed him so much of me for so long.

But... Ya live ya learn.

Quoting tottaxi:

Bummer that it was rescheduled.  I hate it when that happens.  Just means you have to wait and go through the stress again. A judge on jury duty?  Wasn't that the last episode of "Bad Judge"?  LOL!


Only advice I have for you on all of this is DO NOT MENTION this to stbx.  If he doesn't show up and you get a default ruling that would be damn skippy!  LOL!  I hope he continues the irresponsible behavior.  That will only work to your advantage in court. 


Have you and your attorney discussed what you want for your parenting agreement?

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