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It's All About Me

Posted by on Dec. 4, 2014 at 8:11 PM
  • 9 Replies
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After 23 years, I finally know what I want to be when I grow up.  LOL Most of you know my back story.  Married my childhood sweetheart.  Married him, had our first son as I finished a dual bachelors degree.  Followed him from failed college attempts to him enlisting in the army and becoming successful.  I was there to watch him graduate basic training and to help him study during flight school.  I was there 9/11 and thru deployments.  We had two more babies, mostly me alone with the kids.  He went crazy each deployment but his last one he went totally crazy.  


Throughhout the many years after Id graduated, he encouraged me to go back to school.  Now I see it was half assed encouragement.  He'd say do for me but he'd throw in a Im glad you don't work so when I have vacation, we can just go.  Or he'd make it known I had to take off from work if I worked for sick kids because his job was more important and too irregular.  I had even looked at grad school 18 years ago to be a special Ed teacher but I knew he wouldn't care for the kids while I did that or studied and the expense to our family would be great.  


After that, I just became housewife, gave up my dreams of that Madison avenue career Id had in college. I knew the kids were the most important thing I'd ever do in life and I'm proud, but I'd lost me.

 Being unemployed for 17 months now, I knew I had to do for me.  The man I love now insisted I do for me. Might as well since my degree is old and I need advanced degree to be marketable.  Maybe a school to help me get jobs.  The loans scare me but I'm investing in me.  I'm going to become a social worker.  I've wanted to do that for some time, that had taken over my desire to be a special Ed teacher.  I see people that need so much in our world and I want to be active in helping others.  


Wish me me luck and pray for Me. My brain  is slow and my memory is crap.  I've become lazy about studying and have no focus.  LOL  but I have great desire.  Wow, graduate school.  It's going to  take me three years but slow and steady wins the race.  So that's my news. It's ME time.  

by on Dec. 4, 2014 at 8:11 PM
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tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Dec. 5, 2014 at 1:08 AM
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That is awesome news!!!  Doing something that will not only help you financially in the end and also give you a sense of accomplishment and service is great!  I don't know that doing social work will make you rich, but it should be very satisfying.

What type of work do you hope to do?  What type of degree will you be pursuing?  What degrees do you currently hold?

Monsita
by on Dec. 5, 2014 at 6:00 AM
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CampClan
by Bronze Member on Dec. 5, 2014 at 7:53 AM

Your DH didn't go crazy. I'm sorry but I have friends in the service & one who is very active in getting the word out about PTSD & how to get help. I can't claim to know what you or your DH is going through but I did not get any sensativity from you about the fact that he has fought for our country & has been through something tramatic. 

HOWVER, go for you that you are going back to school!  I have always wanted to as well to get my property management degree. BUT I also want to be a SAHM so IDK.... my youngest is in kidnergarten right now though.


Goobergal
by Bronze Member on Dec. 5, 2014 at 8:29 AM

Thanks!!! You're right  it won't make me rich.  But I can support myself and help the kids out a little.  I've been doing case management over the years and enjoyed it. But in this state, a bachelors doesn't get you a job.  I'll be getting an MSW   I have bachelors in advertising and history.  As to the work, I am thinking of working with hospitals and the older generation,  maybe even palliative care. 

Quoting tottaxi:

That is awesome news!!!  Doing something that will not only help you financially in the end and also give you a sense of accomplishment and service is great!  I don't know that doing social work will make you rich, but it should be very satisfying.

What type of work do you hope to do?  What type of degree will you be pursuing?  What degrees do you currently hold?


Goobergal
by Bronze Member on Dec. 5, 2014 at 8:47 AM
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No, you don't know me so I can't be mad at you.  If you'd read the history of my posts, you'd know a bit more.,,first, his major malfunction was NOT ptsd.  I know a LOT about ptsd after dealing w a four year history of harassment, abuse, kidnapping and child abuse.   i consulted with health care professionals and even have a friend w PHD in psychology who got to read ALL his communications.  He isn't a ptsd case, he's got sociopathic tendencies or what is known as antisocial personality disorders.  His coworkers would just call him a douche.  Labeling him ptsd is actually an insult to soldiers who truly return home haunted by war.  Of which I know MANY MANY and also given my age, I have been to many funerals.  I can't claim to KNOW friends in the service, my whole life, my family is comprised of service members and we ARE an army family.  I need to be careful about posting on here now as I assumed wrongly everyone knew my story by now.  


Again, sorry you walked into my post in the back end and it should teach me not to be flippant.  But what kept us going for years of intense abuse by this man was humor  and it's my go to.   We are heavily involved in ptsd care, as well as supportive of those causes that help soldiers and their families, volunteering and advocating on a grass roots level.  


Be aware that the label ptsd is often a stamp for bad behavior and shoddy quick diagnosis to remove the problems from an overburdened system. To allow for true care and healing, more time is needed for diagnosis and treatment than what is allotted to each soldier.  If you want sensitivity from me, meet the woman who sent 27 care packages in six months on the last deployment, who gave up sleep to bolster his spirits, keep him strong and focused. Who loved hard and was told over the phone of his duplicity, or meet his son who got the news via voicemail.  How about some sympathy for my youngest baby who did indeed get real ptsd after he harassed and threatened and beat the other kids.   That's where in MY situation the true sensitivity lies. 


As for this woman, she has actually called and written congress for help for soldiers battling ptsd, for the beleaguered system that handles their care.  So please forgive me a flippant joke or hundred as we are REAL people who deal this reality every day, who still cringe when he calls or texts and who still has to take her child to deal with the aftermath, even four years later.  


My advice to you,  begin school part time.  It's nice to be a Sahm but don't postpone dreams for others as I did.  Prepare yourself for life and hopes.   As your youngest gets older, she can handle greater demands on your time for studies and work.  






Quoting CampClan:

Your DH didn't go crazy. I'm sorry but I have friends in the service & one who is very active in getting the word out about PTSD & how to get help. I can't claim to know what you or your DH is going through but I did not get any sensativity from you about the fact that he has fought for our country & has been through something tramatic. 

HOWVER, go for you that you are going back to school!  I have always wanted to as well to get my property management degree. BUT I also want to be a SAHM so IDK.... my youngest is in kidnergarten right now though.


tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Dec. 5, 2014 at 9:56 AM
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This is something we have never addressed here.  So many of us are suffering from PTSD because of what we went through and are still dealing with.  I've discussed this with my mom because she suffers from it, too.  Because she loves me and DS and has been the only person IRL that I feel I can truly vent to about all of this, she has told me how even when I say "I'm sending you the email from ex so that you can read it" that her heart immediately begins to race. 

Do any of you feel this anxiety? When you go to pick up your child after a visitation and know that you have to be in contact with your stbx/ex that you feel your blood pressure rise? When you have to attend a school function and deal with ex and his family do you stress about it for days before it occurs?  Do you see his name appear on your phone does your stomach suddenly move to your thoat?  These are just a few of the many moments that I feel the huge burden of stress.  It is not easy to suck it up and carry on.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"...I tell myself this so much it seems to have become my mantra.  I feel as though it is taking years off my life.  I never feel able to relax.

Goobergal
by Bronze Member on Dec. 5, 2014 at 10:35 AM

We definitely do, totaxi.  We are as healed as we can be at this stage.  Still have a life time of healing left.  When we were leaving for thanksgiving to visit my son, he was texting and then called my daughter.  she tensed up and began to sputter that she didn't know what to do  I tensed too but I tried not to show her. I'm told her just pick up and get it over with or he will keep texting and calling and of course later I get the nasty email about alienation.  She's 14 now, btw.  So she answers and tells him we are leaving and begins the third degree of questions.  My daughter hates talking and questions now because he's relentless. He asks about my middle son who wasn't going   He can't call him because he shut off data to their phones and my son just turned his off and bought a new one with his own money.  Ex doesn't have the number.    Then he tells my daughter he tried to call me but I must have a newnumber.  There he was phishing because I've blocked him for years.  He wants my number.  Anyway, I had special ring tones and text tones set up for him.  One being the tone from the movie Halloween.  LOL  anyway, that didn't help.  I began to turn off the phone at night so at least Id have peace.  Finally I blocked him. we only deal in email.  Nothing else.   He can call the kids.  Sucks for them tho. But I'm an adult and I pay my phone and I refuse to deal with his garbage anymore.  


But he sends an email andI cringe having to open it.  I always think, what now.... It's always something.  I just wish he'd go away.  My daughter has social anxiety.  if someone asks her too many questions, she shuts down.  She has emotional triggers, and an event trigger that if she thinks about it, she panics.  Basically something her father did. She was being treated w some emdr therapy before.   Her oldest brother was so beaten and terrorized by him that he has night terrors.  You cannot awaken him abruptly at night.  So it's funny he gets the ptsd diagnosis erroneously but it's him that inflicted and caused it in his children and to a smaller degree, me

Quoting tottaxi:

This is something we have never addressed here.  So many of us are suffering from PTSD because of what we went through and are still dealing with.  I've discussed this with my mom because she suffers from it, too.  Because she loves me and DS and has been the only person IRL that I feel I can truly vent to about all of this, she has told me how even when I say "I'm sending you the email from ex so that you can read it" that her heart immediately begins to race. 

Do any of you feel this anxiety? When you go to pick up your child after a visitation and know that you have to be in contact with your stbx/ex that you feel your blood pressure rise? When you have to attend a school function and deal with ex and his family do you stress about it for days before it occurs?  Do you see his name appear on your phone does your stomach suddenly move to your thoat?  These are just a few of the many moments that I feel the huge burden of stress.  It is not easy to suck it up and carry on.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"...I tell myself this so much it seems to have become my mantra.  I feel as though it is taking years off my life.  I never feel able to relax.


Goobergal
by Bronze Member on Dec. 5, 2014 at 10:39 AM

Btw, graduation was peachy in May.  We all ran to the cars before he could find us.  LOL.  He saw graduation but never talked to us.  Not even my adult son wanted to come out.  And for me, it's dual edged.  I loved this man my whole life so to see him still hurts.  It's like someone washed all care, love and emotion from him.  It was almost instinct to be kind to him and now I work to be indifferent.   I can't ever relax and slip up and forget that. 

cie
by Member on Dec. 5, 2014 at 2:00 PM

I am not sure what state you live in...but hear in california I have a friend who started on in the system as a clerk..once in the system she has pursued in house leveling up..I dont know is she already had a degree or is also working towards one while she works but I do know that in 3 years she is steadly climing....look into starting at the ground level to get in,get known and go up...good luck

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