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Struggling

Posted by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:09 AM
  • 7 Replies
My marriage has been unhappy for a long time... About 3-4 years, basically since it began. I want to leave, but I'm Scared. I've asked him to move out in the past and he's refused and threatened to fight me tooth and nail regarding our daughter. I sleep on the couch and we don't have any physical relationship to speak of.

He is passive/aggressive, controlling, and emotionally abusive. I am financially stable snd fully capable of handling our home and child on my own...

I just don't know how to tell him It's Over. Advice??
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:09 AM
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Replies (1-7):
Goobergal
by Bronze Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 8:09 AM
1 mom liked this

You've told him.  You've even shown him.  Now what you need to do will require stealth.  Start separating any accounts.  Transfer what bills you need to, to you and take your name off what's his.  Secondly, consult attorneys all over town, preferably the best ones. Third, get info on apts.  if he won't leave, you will have to.  And you MUST get therapy. Perhaps even your child.  Sounds like you have some issues within YOU that should be resolved.  I would change locks, but I'm mean and that certainly,leads to hostility.  LOL. 

taylorsmom1987
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 12:45 PM

i would consult a divorce laywer

Nyk1187
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:18 PM
We've gone to counseling as a couple and I've gone on my own. When we went as a couple, he would just say that nothing is wrong and I'm the one with problems.... Even when the counselor would tell him to work on certain things, he won't hear it.

Thanks for the advice! I have talked to one highly recommended attorney and I felt like she didn't tell me anything I didn't know... Like it was a giant waste of $200. But I'm going to look into some others.



Quoting Goobergal:

You've told him.  You've even shown him.  Now what you need to do will require stealth.  Start separating any accounts.  Transfer what bills you need to, to you and take your name off what's his.  Secondly, consult attorneys all over town, preferably the best ones. Third, get info on apts.  if he won't leave, you will have to.  And you MUST get therapy. Perhaps even your child.  Sounds like you have some issues within YOU that should be resolved.  I would change locks, but I'm mean and that certainly,leads to hostility.  LOL. 

tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:34 PM

I hope you continue to go to counseling.  It will help you get the courage you need to make that final step.  I have heard of others using a counseling session as an opportunity to inform their spouse that they want to divorce.  For me, I went to an attorney, had the papers drawn up and when the time came for me to act I had him served at work.  No warning.  No discussion.  I figure we had said all that needed to be said a million times before.  Subjecting myself to another one of those conversations would be a waste of time and energy.  At the same time I filed for divorce I also got a restraining order to keep him from returning to the home.  These are often granted for temporary relief during a highly volatile situation such as this.

Nyk1187
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:37 PM
Thank you. I agree that we've said all there is to say... We've talked, fought, cried, went to counseling, read books, lathered rinsed and repeated so many times and yet nothing really changes. Small things get better, but not the big things, and not permanently. It's maddening.

Quoting tottaxi:

I hope you continue to go to counseling.  It will help you get the courage you need to make that final step.  I have heard of others using a counseling session as an opportunity to inform their spouse that they want to divorce.  For me, I went to an attorney, had the papers drawn up and when the time came for me to act I had him served at work.  No warning.  No discussion.  I figure we had said all that needed to be said a million times before.  Subjecting myself to another one of those conversations would be a waste of time and energy.  At the same time I filed for divorce I also got a restraining order to keep him from returning to the home.  These are often granted for temporary relief during a highly volatile situation such as this.

musicpisces
by Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 1:51 PM
Are you able to move out?

I know it's scary. I'm facing it myself (I plan to tell him and move out Thursday). My husband has a lot of the same characteristics. It's hard, but worth it.

I agree about speaking with a new attorney. Are you in a community property state? If so, the house belongs to both of you, and you'd have to sort out who gets what, even if you move out.
Nyk1187
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 2:12 PM
Good luck! Hope it goes ok for you.

Yeah we are community property and no fault. The problem with me moving is that we live here for my job. He wouldn't live here without me, but might stay in the house just to be a dick.

Quoting musicpisces: Are you able to move out?

I know it's scary. I'm facing it myself (I plan to tell him and move out Thursday). My husband has a lot of the same characteristics. It's hard, but worth it.

I agree about speaking with a new attorney. Are you in a community property state? If so, the house belongs to both of you, and you'd have to sort out who gets what, even if you move out.
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