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Venting!

Posted by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 7:20 PM
  • 5 Replies
The idiot's attorney finally told my attorney what his proposed parenting plan will be. Open and unrestricted contact with the children while he is in Montana.
Ummmm, excuse me??? Who the hell would grant this to someone like him? My attorney says since I can prove he has been supervised with the children throughout our entire marriage AND can prove he has a drug problem AND that he has been physically and emotionally abusive he probably doesn't have a chance of getting anything more than the supervised visitation I have asked for (and probably a much less lenient schedule than I asked for), but PROBABLY??? These are my kids we're talking about! I don't want to hear probably!
Uuugh!
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 7:20 PM
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tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Jan. 6, 2015 at 8:49 PM
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Remember that you have to agree to all of this unless you go to trial where the judge will decide.  Stand your ground until they tell you you can't.

Negotiating a parenting agreement is like selling a house.  You state what you want to sell the house for based on the best case scenario.  You price it high because you know you probably will not get the listing price, but you want it high enough that when you negotiate you end up with something you can live with.  No one ever gets their first offer accepted.  It takes a little give and take before you reach an agreement.

Corona0426
by Bronze Member on Jan. 7, 2015 at 11:10 AM
It'll go to a judge. I can't accept any less than supervised visitation for him. And my attorney is even telling me do NOT back down from that.
I just hope the judge will make the right choice
tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Jan. 7, 2015 at 7:35 PM
2 moms liked this

The only thing that I can recommend in going for sole custody is that you need to stress that while you want the visitations supervised, you are not trying to prohibit your stbx from having a relationship with the children and you will work to facilitate that.  Stress what is in the best interests of the children.

Corona0426
by Bronze Member on Jan. 8, 2015 at 9:44 AM
That's the plan :) if he could prove that the physical abuse would not be turned toward the kids and that he bad learned to take care of them (he never has even tried) and if he could get off the pills then I would love for him to take them for a few hours each weekend, and much later maybe more. Just while he's working on getting his crap together my attorney and I both feel supervised visitation would be safer for the children.
So far I can show that I've been trying to keep him in contact with them and tried to arrange visits, but he's just not shown up so far :( not sure what else I can do, but I did tell him at the beginning that I'm not going to chase him around begging him to see them. I'll try to find a way to work out visits and phone calls, but that it's not my responsibility to make him visit or call...do you think that was a bad idea?
tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Jan. 8, 2015 at 10:19 AM

Until you have a court ordered visitation schedule in place I would suggest that you make it totally his responsibility to arrange for time with them.  Once you do have a CO in place then you need to follow it exactly as stated.  Don't ask him to alter it for you and don't alter it for him.  If a time needs to be changed then it needs to be discussed well in advance.  If it s an emergency situation...like having to work overtime...then notification asap that the time must be altered or that someone else (name provided) will be picking up/seeing the kids.

Odds are that if his abuse has only been towards you the court will not see him as a threat to the kids.  Its not right, but that is how DV is viewed by the court system.  And unless DV is documented by the police it does not exist.  For anyone suffering abuse you need to keep that in mind.  We hesitate to involve the police, but unless we do it becomes a matter of "he said, she said".

I am in Illinois and part of child custody situations is a court ordered parenting course.  That may be all that either of you have to do.  My ex is a piss poor parent.  He doesn't make DS wear a coat (it is supposed to be a high temp of 3 degrees here today), doesn't administer meds properly if at all.  DS broke his collar bone and he told him he didn't have to wear the sling.  I could go on an on...bug bites, sunburns.  Anyway, don't expect much and hang tough on the supervised visitation.  I wish I had that.

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