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It's confusing

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 8:38 PM
  • 12 Replies

My attorney called ex's to discuss the motions that he filed.  Ex's attorney never responded.

Hearing was today and attorneys saw the judge off the record.  My attorney was prepared to file a "Petition of Adjudication" stating that all the charges and request for modification were baseless.  Documentation attached.  

Judge said that we are to resolve this outside of court and set a court date in May in the event that no resolution is forthcoming.

I personally don't know what the hell there is to settle since it is, as my attorney stated, baseless.  I think the judge should have trashed all of it, but I guess there is that "feathering the nest" attitude that seems to always be present in family court.  Everyone will get a few more dollars and another day of job security.

It's frustrating and a waste of time and money.

In the meantime ex spent the weekend telling DS that HE would be making all the rules from now on and that DS should not listen to anything I have to say.  Yeah.  This is the guy that I am supposed to reach a settlement with.  Unreal.

by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 8:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Mar. 5, 2015 at 1:50 AM

I think you are right about them all looking to make a buck, sorry you have to deal with your ex, he is a piece of work!

Fayanne
by Bronze Member on Mar. 5, 2015 at 5:35 AM

 wow.

sorry to hear that.

and your ex sounds like a complete ass. WHO DOES THAT TO A KID? (been there, though...,my ex filled my kids' heads with crap, too)

tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Mar. 5, 2015 at 9:38 AM

Thanks for your replies.  When I filed for divorce I had NO idea that this would be what was in store for me or DS.  Ex had been totally uninvolved.  He never wanted to go to a doctor's appointment, spent no time caring for DS interacting with him in any way.  We led separate lives.

As soon as I filed for divorce he started campaigning for father of the year...still not involved, but staging a PR campaign towards anyone who would listen with him as the victim.  Over the years he has forgotten the truth and now believes his own PR...even though in actions is still totally uninterested.

I feel all this is happening now just to harass me.  This causes me to not only spend money I don't have, but also interfers with my job.  And the stress it is placing on me and DS is horrible.

I read stories of women whose exes have taken them to court like thirty times for things like this.  I don't know how they bear it.   I also don't know why judges allow these frivolous suits to continue without any sanctions to those bringing them.

LauraBee46
by New Member on Mar. 6, 2015 at 1:42 PM
Family courts are also over-burdened with cases. Judges often do what you've stated. In my state, I believe that a divorcing couple can get up to three "chances" to work things out. If they can't, then there are consequences imposed by the court.
tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Mar. 6, 2015 at 7:03 PM

Our first custody agreement was determined by a judge (trial).  Ex is impossible to deal with and only wants what he wants and can't be reasoned with at all.  I discussed our current court order with my (new) attorney and said that I want to clarify the areas that ex has been able to manipulate.  She said that the wording is really pretty good, but that it is his interpretation that is flawed and unreasonable.  

So, I am hoping that this "settlement" is more about getting it through ex's thick head how the court intends the court order to be implemented.  I have always followed the court order and have gone above and beyond the court order to include ex in activities that aren't even required in an attempt to act in DS's best interests.  I think ex spends too much time talking with people who are in joint custody situations and tries to apply those rules to ours and it doesn't work that way.

The court order should always protect me and following it exactly should not come with any penalties directed towards me.  But who knows?

Goobergal
by Bronze Member on Mar. 7, 2015 at 2:53 AM
He lost his audience, YOU. He's an asshole. Some kind of unison emt for what, who the hell knows. Ask myself every day. You did well. Seems like a nonsense thing but you handle it w aplomb.
WrongWayDiva
by Bronze Member on Mar. 7, 2015 at 9:47 AM

Sorry to hear this....I was hoping you could get the whole thing dismissed.   I would ask that he pay your attorney fees and time lost from work if this is found to be baseless or irrelevant.   Hit his wallet and he may fade away.....

tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Mar. 7, 2015 at 10:11 AM

LOL.  Yep, I'd agree with your assessment of him.  His "audience" now is a bunch of women who have their own custody matters to deal with, but prefer to party away their problems.  They are like him, though...worried about the all mighty dollar.  All of this began because ex screwed up and didn't have all of his CS and copays paid by the end of the year as court ordered.  Because I did not constantly remind him that those debts were not paid (I send one notice of a debt and that's it) and didn't file contempt charges against him when he would pay months past the seven day deadline of the court order, I think he figured I would just ignore that deadline and sign the tax form for him to claim DS.  When I told him that my records did not show that he was up to date by the end of the year and needed documentation he started getting pissy.  He provided me with documentation...that proved that he ignored the deadline!!  LOL!  But said he wasn't late "by that much" and that I needed to sign it because it was my fault because I didn't send him reminders!!!!  I just ignored him, and actually, never told him I would NOT sign it.  I have yet to refuse to sign it.  It's not like I don't have time to think it over and I have yet to file my taxes yet.

When my attorney came out of the courtroom she told me that she felt that if I would "just sign that form all of this would go away."  Last week she told me to go ahead and file and claim DS, that he had missed the deadline and had no right to claim him.  I asked her if she had changed her mind on that and she said "It's up to you."  WTF.  I told her that the crux of our biggest issues are his ignoring deadlines and I feel that if I allow this to continue that the future will be more of the same.

I expect our little settlement meeting will be held sometime before April 15th...the tax deadline.  Isn't that what you would suspect, too?  So I will bide my time and use it as possible leverage to push through my own agenda...which is clarifying the court order and stopping his constant threats.

Quoting Goobergal: He lost his audience, YOU. He's an asshole. Some kind of unison emt for what, who the hell knows. Ask myself every day. You did well. Seems like a nonsense thing but you handle it w aplomb.


tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Mar. 7, 2015 at 10:19 AM
WrongWayDiva:

Sorry to hear this....I was hoping you could get the whole thing dismissed.   I would ask that he pay your attorney fees and time lost from work if this is found to be baseless or irrelevant.   Hit his wallet and he may fade away.....

Thanks.  I was hoping it would all get dismissed, too.  But I guess I have to rely on my mantra that "everything happens for a purpose" and hope that by this continuance that I can get some other issues addressed at the "settlement' meeting.

It is all about his wallet (see my reply to goober).  I have done a lot of research about getting my attorney fees paid, and discovered that the "American Rule" indicates that that almost never happens.  Isn't that bullshit?  It is as you suggested, the one way to make this fade away, but the court doesn't issue penalties like that.  Maybe I can have that added to the court order so that the court HAS to take action.

Goobergal
by Bronze Member on Mar. 7, 2015 at 12:23 PM
1 mom liked this

I think that until they pay off attorney fees, you should keep claiming your son on taxes.  You are not his fucking keeper.  Thats called wife and you are no longer that.  Man, he's an asshole.

I forgot where I need to call to try and get my ex' DD 214 for his service records.  He said my son should call him and ask.  No asshole, he sacrificed for YOUR career, he didnt ask for that life.  YOU are the grown man.  Act like it.  

I seriously hope he gets hit by a bus.  I have filed my insurance and the govt is working on the case.  Once that goes thru, he's welcome to die tragically.  Yeah, I am that mad.  But his mother is welcome to go any day now.


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