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I feel like he was trying to hide it from me...

Posted by on Mar. 15, 2015 at 2:33 PM
  • 2 Replies

Last night I received a text from my ex around 11:30pm. I'm sure he thought I was in bed already & wouldn't reply- but I wasn't & I did.

The coversation went like this:

Ex: I'll drop them off at your house no later than 6:15pm

Me: I think I have choir practice til 6 tomorrow night so I can get them on my way home. I will let you know for sure after church tomorrow.

Ex: No I will drop them off at your house at 6:30 then.

Me: Why? I'm driving by that way anyways.

Ex: Because you're not driving by me. I'll drop them off.

Me: How am I not driving by you if you live with your mom?

Ex: Cause I'm not there. I'm at the apartment for this weekend. *

Me: Oh... well that's by the church!

Ex: It's okay I'll drop them off. You did both last weekend and I need to make sure I try to keep up with you. **

Me: Then just bring them to the church at 6

Ex: Fine

Me (After church today): It's a good thing I told you to drop them off at the church. We have drama & choir until 7 tonight. I wouldn't even be home.

Ex: You want them there at 6 right?

Me: Well they should be there at 5 but since that's still your time I won't do that to them.

* He never told me he was going to be back at the apartment- I feel he should have been upfront about it. Last I heard was he had moved back in with his mom (this was 2 weeks ago). The way he tried to go about dropping them off to me this weekend makes it sound as if he was trying to hide this info from me. As if the kids wouldn't say anything! They already asked if they were going to grandma's or the apartment. I told them I was never told anything other than he was picking them up at 10am Saturday.

IDK if this is a violation of our parenting time agreement or not. The Local Rule (which we go by) says: PARENTING TIME BETWEEN THE CHILDREN AND THE NON-RESIDENTIAL PARENT SHALL TAKE PLACE AT SUCH TIMES AND PLACES AS THE PARTIES MAY AGREE

If he failed to tell me where they would be then how can I agree to it? 

** I ALWAYS do drop off & pick up.... okay maybe 90% of the time. Usually it's because the girl (IDK if she's GF or not now) would have to work & he doesn't have a car big enough to transport our 4 plus their one. So he would ask me to bring the kids to him. I usually never say anything because I would have things to do (like grocery shopping) so I would plan to do it after dropping them off. 

I didn't realize it was a competition between the 2 of us to see who does the most drop offs/pick ups! 


by on Mar. 15, 2015 at 2:33 PM
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Replies (1-2):
tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Mar. 15, 2015 at 4:00 PM

Your Local Rule is non-specific and that is where the problem lies.  It should be the same each time so that these issues don't arise.

Figure out what the best schedule is and who picks up (takes possession) and adhere to it.  It's nice that you cooperate with each other, but when it takes this much rhetoric to resolve what should be simple then there is more contention in the relationship than either of you want to own.

It's pretty immature of him to not be up front about where he is living.  I think that probably stems from he fact that he has been giving off the vibe that he is interested in you...probably because at that time he was on the outs with his GF, but now it appears their relationship isn't finished but still shakey, he is trying to play both sides...trying to keep his options open.  Or at least what his inflated ego is telling him are his options.

I don't think it is truly a competition.  I think he was being deceptive and didn't want to get found out.

CampClan
by Bronze Member on Mar. 21, 2015 at 11:28 PM

I just text him important info regarding his next weekend. 5yo DS has to be at the soccer fields for team pics at 8:45am so I was texting him to let him know I would just drop the kids off after & to just let me know where. He text back "Am I allowed to use the apartment next weekend for the kids? If not let me know." & then "Sorry that wasn't meant for you". So he isn't even living at the apartment from what I can tell. I don't know if I should say something to him or not! 


Quoting tottaxi:

Your Local Rule is non-specific and that is where the problem lies.  It should be the same each time so that these issues don't arise.

Figure out what the best schedule is and who picks up (takes possession) and adhere to it.  It's nice that you cooperate with each other, but when it takes this much rhetoric to resolve what should be simple then there is more contention in the relationship than either of you want to own.

It's pretty immature of him to not be up front about where he is living.  I think that probably stems from he fact that he has been giving off the vibe that he is interested in you...probably because at that time he was on the outs with his GF, but now it appears their relationship isn't finished but still shakey, he is trying to play both sides...trying to keep his options open.  Or at least what his inflated ego is telling him are his options.

I don't think it is truly a competition.  I think he was being deceptive and didn't want to get found out.


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