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feel so lost and need advice

Posted by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 5:00 PM
  • 6 Replies
So after many talks my dh decided he wants a divorce. He feels marriage should not feel like this and is done. My heart hurts and my thoughts are constantly racing over how I am going to get through this. I still love him with every ounce of my body, but I can't force him to love me back.
We have no children together, but I do have a 4 year old who calls him daddy. He is the only father figure my daughter has known and has been there since she was born. So not only am I loosing my other half, she is loosing her dad.
Him and I made the decision when we got married that I would stay home to raise her. Now I have no job and unable to support her. We were only married for 3 years so I believe spousal support is out of the question.
I am now living with my parents who are helping out, but I feel like a failure.
I know this is long so any advice would be great.
by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 5:00 PM
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tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Mar. 16, 2015 at 8:16 PM

Don't feel like a failure because you chose to trust him.  You took him at his word and he chose not to honor it.  Be glad that you discovered this early in your marriage rather than many years and possibly more children involved.

You were married for three years, so you are entitled to half of the marital assets including whatever he contributed to a retirement plan for that time period.  I would suggest that you go and empty joint checking and savings accounts right now.  The worst that can happen is that at some point you may have to pay half of that back, but it isn't likely. 

While you are still married go and apply for a credit card in your name only.  You will get a higher limit if you apply for it now rather than wait until the divorce is final. 

What is the situation with vehicles?  Do you own your home (are you named on the mortgage)?

You are correct that you are not eligible for child support since he is not the father.  Maintenance is for long term marriages.  Since he was on board with you being a sahm you may be able to have him ordered to pay some schooling.

Other than that you must become independent, find a job and support yourself and your child.   I am glad that you have supportive parents that have given you a place to land during this difficult time.

Tigger0421
by New Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 8:38 PM
The car is in my name only and our house we rent, but is only in his name. I just can't believe it's so real now. I cried a lot today, but am job hunting tomorrow.

Quoting tottaxi:

Don't feel like a failure because you chose to trust him.  You took him at his word and he chose not to honor it.  Be glad that you discovered this early in your marriage rather than many years and possibly more children involved.


You were married for three years, so you are entitled to half of the marital assets including whatever he contributed to a retirement plan for that time period.  I would suggest that you go and empty joint checking and savings accounts right now.  The worst that can happen is that at some point you may have to pay half of that back, but it isn't likely. 


While you are still married go and apply for a credit card in your name only.  You will get a higher limit if you apply for it now rather than wait until the divorce is final. 


What is the situation with vehicles?  Do you own your home (are you named on the mortgage)?


You are correct that you are not eligible for child support since he is not the father.  Maintenance is for long term marriages.  Since he was on board with you being a sahm you may be able to have him ordered to pay some schooling.


Other than that you must become independent, find a job and support yourself and your child.   I am glad that you have supportive parents that have given you a place to land during this difficult time.

tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Mar. 16, 2015 at 9:42 PM
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Good deal.  Was the car yours prior to the marriage?  My vehicle at the time of the separation/divorce was one I had purchased in 2004.  I made the final payment a month after we married in 2007.  In the divorce...because it was paid off after we married...was considered marital property!!

Since he is working and you are not you should ask that marital debts go to him.

Good luck on your job hunt!  Let us know how that goes!

And I know this is a difficult time for you, but the fact that you will not have to deal with a custody battle and years of living under a custody order is a real plus.  You have a LOT to be grateful for :)

Fayanne
by Bronze Member on Mar. 17, 2015 at 5:41 AM

 good luck. Tottaxi has given you great advice.

Expect to run the gamut of emotions, that's normal. You will come out of this better and stronger. Take time to heal when things have settled, and when you can look at the wreckage objectively, you'll be able to make better choices next time.

in the meantime, get copies of all financial documents, etc and ask around to find a good lawyer

hugs

Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Mar. 17, 2015 at 6:05 AM

This is a very tough time for you, feel your feelings, it's okay. You will come out of this a stronger woman and you will be in love again, go to DivorceCare meetings if they are in your town, they help a lot and often have childcare and programs for kids who are grieving too.

Goobergal
by Silver Member on Mar. 17, 2015 at 7:47 AM
1 mom liked this

To taxi covered it all.  She's great as are the other regular ladies here.  Ask away, get more specific as you get further into it and you'll receive help.  

i had been a SAH!M Before duckweed screwed me over.  Best advice is go to the local job office and take the resume training courses and go thru the jobs there. 

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