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just a little sad tonight

Posted by on May. 7, 2015 at 9:09 PM
  • 11 Replies
Oh my heart is feeling so heavy tonight after hearing my 6 year old dd telling her dad over the phone that she wants to live with him :( it made me sick to my stomach!

The schmuck who hasn't called in 4 weeks finally called today and my little girl who misses him so much feel so torn up inside because she can't understand why he dosnt visit her or call more often.

After the phone call I sat down with her and asked her why she wants to live with him and she said she just wants to spend more time with him that's all. I tried to keep my emotions from her but once I looked at her face when she said she dosn't understand why he is so far away and why we can't all live together like we did when she was a baby It just made me cry a little with her.

This is by far the hardest part after divorce when you see your kids hurting like this. when she asked me why we are no longer together the first thing I wanted to say was because your dad made that choice to live with his gf but ofcourse I did not say that. I explained to her that sometimes people that love each other are not good for one another and sometimes things happen that make you sad and you don't want to be with someone that Hurts you all the time. We huged and cried together and talked some more.

She looked at me and told me that she changed her mind and understands now where she belongs but still it really really hurt hearing her say that :( Im sure this made him feel like super dad while I'm trying to put the pieces together for our kids.

Anyone gone through this?

by on May. 7, 2015 at 9:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
peaches_04
by New Member on May. 8, 2015 at 4:22 AM
1 mom liked this
I feel your pain. The hardest part is hearing them cry for their daddy:*(
Hugs momma
Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2015 at 7:15 AM
1 mom liked this

No, my marriage didn't fall apart until the kids were grown up, but I can imagine how awful you would feel! Just know that she needs you and loves you so much. He does sound like a schmuck, can you make it any easier for him to call her? Does he know when the best time is, do you let her answer his calls directly?

Crystaa
by Member on May. 8, 2015 at 8:24 AM
He can call when ever he wants too but I tried to tell him that Tuesday nights is the best or anytime on the weekends. It's so random that there will be no calls for weeks and if noone answers the phone he will just sound snippy saying that he wants to talk to the kids.

when he calls I have them pick up the phone right away and my ds who is 5 is the opposite of my dd. He could care less if he calls or not. It's just sad to see her heartbroken about this and knowing when he gets off the phone his life at home with his gf and their dd goes on normal while my dd cries that she misses her dad.

Quoting Lindalou907:

No, my marriage didn't fall apart until the kids were grown up, but I can imagine how awful you would feel! Just know that she needs you and loves you so much. He does sound like a schmuck, can you make it any easier for him to call her? Does he know when the best time is, do you let her answer his calls directly?

ChrissyReznor
by Member on May. 8, 2015 at 12:10 PM
1 mom liked this
Every time my daughter comes back from seeing her dad she tells me she wants to live with her dad. I worry when she gets older she will end up living with him. I love her so much I can't imagine living without her.
WrongWayDiva
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2015 at 12:32 PM

It is heartbreaking but it's very normal.  I think you handled it very well.  She just knows she is missing her Daddy.  Honestly, she is 6.   My granddaughter wants to go live with Elsa and Anna in an ice castle or with Diego in a jungle depending on the day--kids don't really understand the whole "live with" concept.

Crystaa
by Member on May. 8, 2015 at 6:16 PM
I guess it just hit me so unexpected and felt so many emotions at once that I totally forgot to see things the way she does. Ofcourse she wants to spend time with him and I really hope for her that he actually comes visit her more but I Think after our talk last night she really understood that living and visiting are so different.

I rather have her live with Elsa and Anna lol

Quoting WrongWayDiva:

It is heartbreaking but it's very normal.  I think you handled it very well.  She just knows she is missing her Daddy.  Honestly, she is 6.   My granddaughter wants to go live with Elsa and Anna in an ice castle or with Diego in a jungle depending on the day--kids don't really understand the whole "live with" concept.

M4LG5
by Silver Member on May. 8, 2015 at 6:21 PM
1 mom liked this

 My nephew said the same thing to my sister about wanting to live with his dad.  It wasn't because he preferred him over her.  It was more because he knew that no matter what, she was going to be there for him and he just thought that maybe by living with him, he would see his dad more.

They maintained 50/50 for years but it was rough for him.  The dad sucked and my sister was always stressed about handling things with her ex.  It wasn't until my nephew was in high school that he stayed with my sister more and then his dad moved away. 

tottaxi
by Battle Weary on May. 8, 2015 at 8:58 PM

DS has never said that he would rather live with his dad.  Usually he just says he wishes he didn't have to go there at all.  But ex has made DS feel responsible for HIS happiness.  DS says he just wants to make everybody happy. I think he isn't able to express his feelings to his dad because his dad turns on him if he does.  M4LG5 nailed it when she said that her nephew knew that his mom would be there for him no matter what.  Ex's love is conditional.  Kids know this.  I think DS knows that he can throw me under the bus occasionally and he will still have my love. With ex he walks on eggshells.

The saddest part of all of this is that children have to learn how to deal with adults in their lives with an understanding well beyond their years.

Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on May. 9, 2015 at 1:31 AM

Have you told him how sensitive she is, and that she really needs to hear from him? It must be so maddening for you! 

Quoting Crystaa: He can call when ever he wants too but I tried to tell him that Tuesday nights is the best or anytime on the weekends. It's so random that there will be no calls for weeks and if noone answers the phone he will just sound snippy saying that he wants to talk to the kids. when he calls I have them pick up the phone right away and my ds who is 5 is the opposite of my dd. He could care less if he calls or not. It's just sad to see her heartbroken about this and knowing when he gets off the phone his life at home with his gf and their dd goes on normal while my dd cries that she misses her dad.
Quoting Lindalou907:

No, my marriage didn't fall apart until the kids were grown up, but I can imagine how awful you would feel! Just know that she needs you and loves you so much. He does sound like a schmuck, can you make it any easier for him to call her? Does he know when the best time is, do you let her answer his calls directly?


Goobergal
by Bronze Member on May. 10, 2015 at 9:54 AM
1 mom liked this

Wow..... Seems to me you handled it just right and with more respect than the asshole deserves.  I know you did it for her but you could have gone even further in and you didn't.  You're a good person.  Keep being what you are and she will be fine,.


as mothers we want to give our children everything and take away all hurt.  I wish I could give my babies today a Mother's Day with their family intact, rather than a slightly empty feeling.  But I think about it more and I'm giving them more than what they had.  I'm giving them a healthier me, my boyfriend who's showing them how much he loves me and cares about them to plan a day for me, even as I am not the mother of his children.  That's a love of a higher power.  


Look for the love that  lives in her life now.  The greater love of family and friends that have plugged what is missing.  Show her that it's not so much about him choosing not to be there but about all the people that have stepped up to plug in any holes and have in fact filled it even tighter than what she had before.

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