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Posted by on Nov. 16, 2015 at 4:02 PM
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Well the petition for divorce has been filed today.  I just completely am at a loss, he doesnt' want this and has been telling me he will change & do anything to make it work. But, I've heard these words, yet, they still effect me!  WHY!!!??? UGH!!  I still love him, but I don't trust him.  He was supposed to be the one person that would always be honest with me & never hurt me! 

by on Nov. 16, 2015 at 4:02 PM
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by Bronze Member on Nov. 16, 2015 at 6:37 PM
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give up the dream of what you thought he'd be, and focus on what he's shown you to be. Your other post mentioned lies, cheating, and drugs, I believe?

My HS friend eloped and got married at age 18. I remember her MIL giving her an analogy of marriage. It starts out like a beautiful piece of marble.. but every time you disrespect each other, lie, fight, etc, whatever, you chip away at the marble until it just crumbles and falls apart.

Your dh's behavior has done just that. He's chipped away at your marriage until there's nothing left. Better to just sweep up the dust and move on. It sounds like he's shown you, time and again, that he just can't change.

Head down and plow through. Stay strong.


by Member on Nov. 16, 2015 at 9:05 PM
I'm trying, I remind myself of all the hurt he has caused.
by Silver Member on Nov. 17, 2015 at 8:20 AM

Fayanne just rocked the answer.  Allow yourself to feel that pain. You have to grieve. That's normal.  But you must begin to distance yourself. Quit communication. Answer only email and only on business, nothing personal.  Don't reminisce with him.  Guys like to go back to th to good times because they know it sucks us in, but oddly doesn't do the reverse.   If they truly wanted it to work, steps would have been taken,

i never gave gave my ex the chance to rectify. I think he expected me to sit around and wait while he shit all over me.  But when it affected the kids, that had more value than I placed on myself.  I deserve better.  I deserve someone who sees the value of me as a person and not a convenience    So do you

by Battle Weary on Nov. 17, 2015 at 10:36 AM
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Goobergal's response made me think about ex after he was served (at work).  He called me (this was after he had left the house yelling "You will be hearing from my attorney!") and said "Can't we work this out?  Can't we try counseling?"  I told him "Those were options a year ago.  You weren't interested in them then.  I'm not interested in them now.  Anything you have to say to me can be said through my attorney."  That was it.  I wasn't going to give him the opportunity to emotionally destroy me any more.

I think when we are pushed to the point that we file for divorce there is nothing more to be said.  The good has been overshadowed by the bad.  If you are like me you begin to doubt the good was as good as I thought it was and question whether anything good was just a set up for him to be able to abuse me.

Second guessing yourself is a symptom of abuse.  Treat yourself gently.  It gets easier to deal with them over time and given enough space.  As Goobergal suggested, only discuss business.  Keep it all in writing.  No more verbal communication.  That will help.

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