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Why Abusive Men Sue for Child Custody and Often Get It

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2016 at 10:12 AM
  • 4 Replies

Why Abusive Men Sue for Child Custody and often get it


It is one of the most frightening statistics in the world.  70% of men who sue for custody get it, and of those men who sue for custody, 80% to 90% of them are abusive.  This means that a frightening number of mothers who love their children are having to watch these children raised by the very men that society told them to leave because they were being abused.  This is a horrible injustice and needs to be addressed.

These same menclaim that the women raise false allegations of abuse to get a “leg up” in the divorce.  However, it has been proven that only 1-2% of women who claim abuse are lying, as opposed to 15% of men who bring up abuse charges.  This means that men are far more likely to lie about abuse than women are, yet it is women who get the bad reputation.  Father’s rights groups, some innocently, some not so innocently claim that the mothers are alienating the children from their fathers, when the reality is often just the opposite. 

Part of the problem is that the family courts do not take domestic violence into account at all if you don’t have proof of it, and it is difficult at best to come up with proof unless the woman has almost died from it.  Even with proof of domestic violence, it is often considered to be irrelevant to his parenting abilities, making it a moot point in court.

Another issue that arises is that the courts fear having the appearance of being unfair to fathers, causing them to be unfair to mothers instead.  They also hold women to a higher standard of parenting than they hold men to.  If a woman makes any mistakes in raising her children, the courts frown upon it.  If she has to hold down two jobs to make ends meet, she is not involved enough with her children.  If one job cannot support her children, she is not financially responsible enough.  On the other hand, a man that goes out and works two jobs is considered incredibly responsible and a good role model for the children, even if he comes home to yell at his wife and children.  A woman who protects herself is considered selfish for not protecting her children enough, and if she protects her children, she is alienating them from their father.  Women are put into a catch 22 situation from which there is no escape.

Until these problems are addressed, good mothers will continue to lose custody of their children to abusive fathers.  It is necessary to stop this practice in the family courts and get justice for all mothers and their children.

by on Jan. 31, 2016 at 10:12 AM
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Replies (1-4):
leendersc2013
by New Member on Feb. 1, 2016 at 1:45 PM
This is what I'm running into. Only thing is we have 50/50. Still not goo though.
tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Feb. 1, 2016 at 2:09 PM

Shared custody is terrible.  This seems to be popular with Family Court judges now.  I think it is a cop out so that no real decision is made.  Even though I have sole custody my ex has liberal visitation time so our time is almost evenly divided.  My only "perk" is that I can make decisions without his input...which is a lot, but it doesn't limit ex's time with DS and that is a real problem.  Exposure to someone who is an abusive asshole is NOT in the best interests of the child, IMO.  The damage he is able to do in his time with DS is devastating.

Quoting leendersc2013: This is what I'm running into. Only thing is we have 50/50. Still not goo though.


Corona0426
by Bronze Member on Feb. 1, 2016 at 4:38 PM
1 mom liked this
I honestly feel if my ex hadn't been so painfully obvious and had his testimony not basically proved mine was true that I would be facing this.
That is exactly the fear I had going into this (and even though we have supervised visitation and a whole lot of requirements prior to changing that it is still a fear).
There was not a lot of emphasis put on the domestic violence during any of our hearings. It was almost all about his interactions with the kids (or lack thereof) and the thought that worried me the most from the beginning was

"what happens to the kids when I'm not there for him to take his anger out on me?"

Obviously I felt that his anger management issues should be front and center, and instead (probably because my attorney knew it wouldn't make a difference) they were pushed to the back burner.
tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Feb. 1, 2016 at 5:12 PM
1 mom liked this

Sadly, Family Court feels that just because someone has been abusive to their wife it doesn't mean they will be abusive to the children.  I think this is insane.

I'm with you Corona...I know how ex was towards me and I fear that without me around to be his target it leaves DS wide open.  I think DS feels it, too.  He is so reluctant to talk with his dad about anything.  He feels he has to at least pretend to agree with him on everything or "he'll be mad".

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