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My quote about divorce...

Posted by on Aug. 18, 2016 at 11:12 AM
  • 5 Replies

I wrote this on FB after a friend had posted how he 'didn't know how to be single again'.  From what I gathered, his 20+ year  marriage relationship was over.  I didn't ask him the details of his situation, b/c I don't really feel that it is my business.  If he wants to tell me, that is his decision to make.

"when you have been part of an "us" (or "we") for a long period of time, it becomes difficult to (re-become) a "me" or an "I". You forget who you were, because what you've become is part of another, that no longer wants to share that part with you".

When my nusband walked out after  17+ years and our marriage ended, that was exactly how I had felt.  People would say, "just go out and have fun!"  That was easier said than done.  For over 20 years, our lives revolved around each other and our kids and their lives.

by on Aug. 18, 2016 at 11:12 AM
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Replies (1-5):
tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Aug. 18, 2016 at 11:39 AM

Very well stated.  

So many people think they have to immediately begin dating.  That seldom works out well.  Taking some time to rediscover ourselves is so important.  We do forget how to be an individual because we are so used to thinking about our role as a part of a couple.  We may still be "mom" and that in itself changes us.  So we hae to figure out who we are as an independent person.

There are so many upsides to this process!  Just not having to seek someone's approval is such a relief.  My ex felt he was the king and everything needed his okay that I felt so restricted...suffocated.  Even though I have now remarried, I have decided that this go-round I am going to fight harder for me.  My decisions are good ones.  My choices are wise.  I will no longer let someone diminish my opinion because it is not theirs.

That old line from Jerry McGuire that says "He completes me"....I hate that.  I am already complete.

Corona0426
by Bronze Member on Aug. 18, 2016 at 9:01 PM
1 mom liked this
So funny to see this today. Facebook just reminded me of a post I wrote exactly 1 year ago,
"So I'm dancing in the kitchen while I put away dishes when I suddenly realize I'm dancing in the kitchen while I put away dishes! It's been a long while since I have been that person, and I am ever so happy to be back!"
It took a bit to remember how to be me, and while I am still working on being the trusting happy go lucky girl I was it's coming back one evening dancing in the kitchen at a time ;)
Fayanne
by Bronze Member on Aug. 19, 2016 at 10:58 AM

hmm.. I never became so dependent on someone else that I lost who "I" was.

M4LG5
by Silver Member on Aug. 19, 2016 at 1:52 PM

The other day when I was in such a low moment, my sister kept saying "don't grieve....move on!"  I know that she didn't grieve in her relationship and she went down some really bad relationships.  She thinks that if I go out and have some fun that it will make me feel better.

i want to grieve.....I think it's best for me to grieve to get it out.  More and more I am feeling better about me leaving the marriage but it takes awhile. 

Goobergal
by Bronze Member on Aug. 20, 2016 at 1:07 PM

Incredibly thoughtful.  And after that huge WE becomes just I, if you do date, don't take it seriously.  That was hard learned, but I needed to date and learn to be like, fuck off.  Hahahahahaha.  


Ive become a we again, but oddly often it's just a ME, with an occasional WE.  We each do our own shit and that's odd and unsettling, but really good too.  I can be a ME, learn to be a Me again, but still have a We.  That's a very hard lesson


Adding, after being w a narcissist, that is very hard to be ME, when you were always HIM and WE, but never Me.  It's why I'm neurotic now with the goob.  Hahahahaha.  I think it's good for me though 

Proud mommy to 3 and goober's butterfly 

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