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Not Parental Alienation. Domestic Violence by Proxy.

Posted by on Oct. 15, 2017 at 6:47 PM
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by on Oct. 15, 2017 at 6:47 PM
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Replies (1-9):
tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Oct. 15, 2017 at 6:49 PM

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Goobergal
by Bronze Member on Oct. 16, 2017 at 8:22 AM
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SO True.  Too bad we can’t see the ones who don’t leave bruise so on the outside. 

tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Oct. 16, 2017 at 2:17 PM
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It's no different than it is with Domestic Violence against a partner.  The emotional abuse can be as much or more damaging, but since there is no physical evidience it is harder to prove.  The number of times that my son tells me that "I don't want to make dad mad" breaks my heart. 

I know that feeling.  It would have been easier to withstand a black eye and been able to take real action than to suffer through the gaslighting and mental abuse.  No one believes you because "he's such a nice guy".

Quoting Goobergal:

SO True.  Too bad we can’t see the ones who don’t leave bruise so on the outside. 


Fire_Cracker80
by Member on Oct. 16, 2017 at 5:22 PM
1 mom liked this
Tottaxi...u read my mind! I was thinking this same thing earlier today.

It's not right how some abusers play the helpless victim and have their friends and family fooled yet the REAL victim is portrayed as a heartless person.

Now that my ex has passed recently...he's remembered as this lovable happy person who just wanted to help everyone! All I can think is...where were yall when he was being a horses ass and I was terrified to exit my house after breaking up? The man I remembered refused to work, would stay in bed for weeks at a time, take dope on the sly, and so on... It was like the world "owed" him and he knew best! GRRR! YET...he's a martyr.

Sorry for the vent!

Quoting tottaxi:

It's no different than it is with Domestic Violence against a partner.  The emotional abuse can be as much or more damaging, but since there is no physical evidience it is harder to prove.  The number of times that my son tells me that "I don't want to make dad mad" breaks my heart. 

I know that feeling.  It would have been easier to withstand a black eye and been able to take real action than to suffer through the gaslighting and mental abuse.  No one believes you because "he's such a nice guy".

Quoting Goobergal:

SO True.  Too bad we can’t see the ones who don’t leave bruise so on the outside. 

Fire_Cracker80
by Member on Oct. 16, 2017 at 5:29 PM
1 mom liked this
If people could see the bruises left upon our souls from our abusers...hopfully society would take us more serious. As it is, some abusers are placed on a pedestal because we weren't harmed "physically".




Quoting Goobergal:

SO True.  Too bad we canâ��t see the ones who donâ��t leave bruise so on the outside. 

Smilesunshine66
by Bronze Member on Oct. 16, 2017 at 6:09 PM
1 mom liked this

 Yes, this is exactly what  DS and I are experiencing now. DS is bombarded with emotional abuse by the ex, and the ex uses OFW to spew his venom on me, his posts are never about custody! No matter how many times I testified to this in court, it seemed to fall upon deaf ears. Family law, in my experience, has court ordered us to deal with abusive behavior.

Quoting tottaxi:

It's no different than it is with Domestic Violence against a partner.  The emotional abuse can be as much or more damaging, but since there is no physical evidience it is harder to prove.  The number of times that my son tells me that "I don't want to make dad mad" breaks my heart. 

I know that feeling.  It would have been easier to withstand a black eye and been able to take real action than to suffer through the gaslighting and mental abuse.  No one believes you because "he's such a nice guy".

Quoting Goobergal:

SO True.  Too bad we can’t see the ones who don’t leave bruise so on the outside. 



Goobergal
by Bronze Member on Oct. 17, 2017 at 7:49 AM
YES. I used to almost bait him to hit me. Just so it could be over. Slowly and especially with the media push now, people are becoming more aware. My mom even used to ask me but why. What did you do. And I understood. It was a huge reversal it seemed. Surely no one just acts that way. Now I say something and she says he’s evil. Forget him.

Quoting tottaxi:

It's no different than it is with Domestic Violence against a partner.  The emotional abuse can be as much or more damaging, but since there is no physical evidience it is harder to prove.  The number of times that my son tells me that "I don't want to make dad mad" breaks my heart. 

I know that feeling.  It would have been easier to withstand a black eye and been able to take real action than to suffer through the gaslighting and mental abuse.  No one believes you because "he's such a nice guy".

Quoting Goobergal:

SO True.  Too bad we can’t see the ones who don’t leave bruise so on the outside. 

tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Oct. 17, 2017 at 10:40 AM
1 mom liked this

The "Me, too" campaign in the aftermath of the Weinstein scandal has been shocking to some people and yet I think how in my experience NOT being harassed is more of a rarity.  The need to have physical PROOF puts so many of us in real danger or at a minimum, continued abuse.  

In a perfect world we would be believed.

Quoting Goobergal: YES. I used to almost bait him to hit me. Just so it could be over. Slowly and especially with the media push now, people are becoming more aware. My mom even used to ask me but why. What did you do. And I understood. It was a huge reversal it seemed. Surely no one just acts that way. Now I say something and she says he’s evil. Forget him.
Quoting tottaxi:

It's no different than it is with Domestic Violence against a partner.  The emotional abuse can be as much or more damaging, but since there is no physical evidience it is harder to prove.  The number of times that my son tells me that "I don't want to make dad mad" breaks my heart. 

I know that feeling.  It would have been easier to withstand a black eye and been able to take real action than to suffer through the gaslighting and mental abuse.  No one believes you because "he's such a nice guy".

Quoting Goobergal:

SO True.  Too bad we can’t see the ones who don’t leave bruise so on the outside. 



NutraNut17
by on Oct. 18, 2017 at 11:59 AM
1 mom liked this

There's a group on here called The Guardian Angels.  they have lots of info on DV for anyone who wants it.

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