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Dealing with my ex husband's wife

She's 20 years old and expecting their 2nd child. She came to pick the boys up about 10 minutes ago and she was so rude to me I wanted to smack her. She was complaining because I didn't have everything ready for the boys to take to their dad's and she told me to get their stuff so they could go. I gave her the stuff she needed and she gave me the dirtiest look and said that I'll need to come pick them up on Sunday she won't be dropping them off. I don't really care I'll go pick them up and the thing is he wasn't even with her she was by herself with their baby in the van. She was putting my youngest son in his car seat and she says leave me alone I know what I'm doing to me. 

by on Dec. 8, 2017 at 5:55 PM
Replies (21-24):
by Battle Weary on Dec. 25, 2017 at 7:10 PM

I'm getting a weird vibe that has me perplexed.  

The fact that you have received NOTHING from his attorney makes me think he is just talking out his ass and jerking your chain.  His comment about the PPO would just be more of his bullying.  Your response to him was perfect.

BUT, you really are disturbed with his wife, her pregnancy, and you feel she is taunting you with her growing belly.  That makes me HAVE TO ASK, are you really as cool and calm as you tell us you are or are you creating drama by calling unnecessarily or engaging too much at exchanges?  For him to threaten you with a PPO he is just blowing smoke OR he is feeling a need to back you off.

If she is still doing the pick up/drop off then there is NO reason for you to make any contact with her whatsoever.  Have the kids waiting at the door and when she arrives you can just tell them good-bye and open the door and send them on their way.  No words need to be exchanged, nothing needs to be sent with them.  If there is something in regards to their health that needs to be mentioned you can text your ex the facts.  She should not be used as a messenger.  No need to talk with her at all. 

Now it is a distinct possibility that she is misrepresenting what goes down at these exchanges.  Is that what is happening?  If that is the case then you need to read your court order and tell us exactly what it states as far as the exchanges go.

You said that he spoke to you and you replied to him, so when did that happen?  Did he actually do the exchange?  Was she present?  This is confusing to me.  Here's what we have:  1.  She does the exchanges  2.  She flaunts her pregnancy 3.  He threatened you with the PPO and previously that he was filing for a change of custody.  See how all that doesn't add up?  Help us make sense of this.

I can understand why her mere existance pisses you off.  I feel that way about my husband's ex.  We don't have to like these women, but we hurt ourselves if we allow them to take up much of our headspace.  I know that you trusted this woman at some point and that you blame her for the demise of your marriage, but while she definitely didn't act ethically she did not do this on her own.  Your ex owns this.  He's a pig.  It seems they deserve each other.  Good riddance.  The fact that your son is now threatening you means that he has picked up on your disgust and knows that the best way to hurt you is to make you think he prefers them to you.  Never give your kids a weapon to use to manipulate you.  You've got to figure out a way to pretend to the whole bunch that what they do is of no significance to you.  Mind over matter.  If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

by Member on Dec. 25, 2017 at 8:04 PM
2 moms liked this
She might legitimately not have maternity clothes. There is a wide gap between her and your exes ages, right? He very well could be controling the finances and leaving her without basic necessities. I firmly believe most men who marry much younger women, especially college aged girls, do so because the girls are easy to manipulate and control. I think you give the girlfriend too much headspace. Like what was previously. Have the kids dressed and ready to go so you can send them out quickly. Text any instructions they may need and quit engaging. People who thrive on drama will get bored if you continue to ignore them. He may explode at first, but it will die out with time.

Quoting brianalandanny:

I'm not even sure. He is so full of it I don't believe anything he says anyway. I am so over this guy I don't know why he keeps trying to feed me this crap. His new wife is going out of her way to show off to me. She can't hide her pregnant belly now and wears the tightest shirts around and then makes sure I can see her belly bump.

Quoting tottaxi:

On what grounds?

Quoting brianalandanny:

Oh I know I don't mention him or her around the kids at all. When my oldest gets mad at me for punishing him (he gets in trouble at school a lot) he'll tell me how he hates me and wants to move in with his dad and his stepmom, he calls her mom too. 

He told me yesterday that he's going to get a PPO against me and get custody of the kids. I just said, do what you've got to do and left. 

Quoting tottaxi:

It would be nice to be able to say "You've mistaken me for someone who gives a shit."  You can't, but that is what he really needs to get through his head.  He thinks you are still longing for him and jealous of his new wife.  He thinks he is so awesome!  LOL!

That's part of the reason why you really have to not make him a factor in your home.  Be happy.  Enjoy the kids.  And never discuss him or his wife. Don't give them any headspace.  I think once I told you to just smile, be cordial and don't let them see you sweat.  Do NOT call him ever.  Send a text or email and keep it businesslike.  Don't feed his ego with any reactions...not even an eye-roll.

It will upset him when he can't push your buttons, but eventually he will get tired and his bs will happen less and less.  Google "Gray Rock" method.  And Parallel Parenting.  It will help.

Quoting brianalandanny:

I've tried but he doesn't want to talk to me at all. He has her answer his phone whenever I call and if she isn't around he ignores it and she always tells me he's sleeping or he's busy doing something and he never calls me back. I heard him in the background once say, "Alicia will be picking them up." Alicia is his new wife. 

Quoting chinaandback:

Wow. Sounds like her behavior is coming from a place of immaturity and insecurity. I agree with the other posters in that your ex husband should be picking up and dropping of the children unless you have made other arrangements. Have you communicated with him on this? Here's an article that may help with custody issues. Hope things get better for you!

by on Jan. 3, 2018 at 6:06 PM

Damn she sounds like a straight up bitch.

by New Member on Jan. 3, 2018 at 6:09 PM
1 mom liked this
School bags, sports uniforms, school project he’s in the middle of, prescription meds like antibiotics, cell phone, all on the list of things kids may need to take back and forth.

Quoting goldpandora:

I'm curious as to what your sons take with them to their father's? I ask because he should have just about everything they need to stay with him at his house.

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