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A Narc and a different perspective at least for today I servived....

Posted by on Dec. 31, 2017 at 3:02 AM
  • 9 Replies
1 mom liked this

So in the past 24 hours my STBX Narc idiot has

1 removed me from bank accounts 

2 removed me from credit cards

3 changed the passwords to business email

4 completely ingnored me

5 given me only half my usual monthly alowence (don't laugh it has been in place for 15 years and he cuts in by half..no word no talk I just logged on and saw it,,that's shitty)

***In the past 24 hours I have*********

1 retained an attorney (used a credit card he thought I could not use)

2 filled out her required documents

2 obtained a new business email

3 changed all my passwords

4 ignored him thank you ttotaxi and  Grey Rock/ listened to countless videos on narcs and many more to go

5 moved to a different brokerage so not connected with him (we owned our own brokerage moving companies does not mean I have no interest in the company but frankly he can have it..I make the bulk of that income he can be Seattled with all the fees..for fee of my own during the divorce of course). And ALL my commition will now come straight to ME!!!!!

I was so,pissed this morning when the games begin and had little discoveries all day but ya know what most of this was things he saved me time on by doing them himself and the other things like cards and money well I will work on that tomorrow 🔮🌹🌙

by on Dec. 31, 2017 at 3:02 AM
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Replies (1-9):
goldpandora
by Bronze Member on Dec. 31, 2017 at 3:48 AM

I do hope there was a lot of debt on the credit cards ... :)

Fayanne
by Bronze Member on Dec. 31, 2017 at 7:55 AM

get a copy of your credit report and hang on to it.

be sure you have your own line of credit.

be sure your car insurance is covered.

document everything

tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Dec. 31, 2017 at 9:14 AM

Ask your attorney to file on Tuesday and have him served.  He's taking you seriously this time around, so now it will be scorched earth going forward.  Now it will be all about what he perceives as "winning".

Have you talked with the kids about this?  You need to give them your version and your hopes for the future.  This is your opportunity to be the positive, supportive parent and they will contrast this approach with stbx's negative campaign.

Your attorney will probably get a temp hearing to establish child support for the boys.  Remember that once that begins it is very likely that stbx's attorney will requiring you to provide an item by item listing of all of your expenses.  Keep good records and RECEIPTS of everything.

While stbx's behavior is disgusting it also is helpful.  I know that for me...my ex did the whole crash and burn thing with our accounts...it helped erase any and all doubts I may have had about my decision to file.  It ignited my anger and that sustained me for the duration of the divorce and beyond.  My desire to be reasonable and fair (I had initially considered joint custody) lasted about a minute because of his attack attitude.  That's when I thought "F you" and went for sole custody and never looked back.  

I don't know the laws of California.  They always appears to be a bit different than the norm. Being in real estate you should be well versed in negotiation.  Don't see divorce and custody any differently than a real estate deal.  Work for the best deal for your client:  YOU.

tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Dec. 31, 2017 at 9:28 AM

http://www.familylawgroup.com/california-divorce-can-i-make-my-spouse-move-out/

So it looks as though the law is the same as Illinois' on this ^^^.

Has there been any documented DV by stbx?

Would you be able to handle the mortgage payment/get refinancing for the house?  

I have a friend who is going through a divorce.  Her stbx wants the house.  He is wanting to pay her portion of the equity in like ten years.  I can see stbx doing this to you.  Don't allow that.  Her attorney has told her that the odds are that if she does not get her share before the divorce is final that she will never see a dime of it.  The best thing to do is to sell that house and each take your portion of the equity.  That way it will settle the issue more quickly.

cie
by Member on Dec. 31, 2017 at 5:43 PM

I could care less about keeping the house I only want my equity out of it".and yes I am approaching this in as much of a business manner as I can..going for full custody told attorney about the time he assulted my son ..it was 8 years ago and I still have the torn shirt to prove it...why did I not leave then you ask??? I have seen to many children who are forced to visit an idiot parent because they take 6 months of anger management and start going to church...hell no I wasn't going to let him out of my sight and I have been able to keep him safe that way....it's funny you say "Schorched earth** those are the exact words he tells me....I do get a bit of a pang when I think about my mom dying just 3 weeks ago and he could care less...it truly is all about him and his war against me but then I get a bit more angry then I was before if that can even be possible..and I move forward...

Quoting tottaxi:

http://www.familylawgroup.com/california-divorce-can-i-make-my-spouse-move-out/

So it looks as though the law is the same as Illinois' on this ^^^.

Has there been any documented DV by stbx?

Would you be able to handle the mortgage payment/get refinancing for the house?  

I have a friend who is going through a divorce.  Her stbx wants the house.  He is wanting to pay her portion of the equity in like ten years.  I can see stbx doing this to you.  Don't allow that.  Her attorney has told her that the odds are that if she does not get her share before the divorce is final that she will never see a dime of it.  The best thing to do is to sell that house and each take your portion of the equity.  That way it will settle the issue more quickly.


Goobergal
by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2018 at 3:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like you  made some plans.  Good. Best of luck. 

cie
by Member on Jan. 1, 2018 at 8:16 PM
3 moms liked this

I have simply decided that I have a skill set of survival just like he does and what he fails to realize frankly it that my ultimate goal is to be rid of him....The courts will deside what is fair and I will fight for what I believe I am due but ultmatly my goal is to get my life back..and whatever the cost he can not stop  that from happening....

Quoting Goobergal:

Sounds like you  made some plans.  Good. Best of luck. 


Goobergal
by Silver Member on Jan. 2, 2018 at 8:10 AM
1 mom liked this
I love this. I know i lost money and continue to lose. But NO HIM is a win everyday.

You have a healthy outlook.


Quoting cie:

I have simply decided that I have a skill set of survival just like he does and what he fails to realize frankly it that my ultimate goal is to be rid of him....The courts will deside what is fair and I will fight for what I believe I am due but ultmatly my goal is to get my life back..and whatever the cost he can not stop  that from happening....

Quoting Goobergal:

Sounds like you  made some plans.  Good. Best of luck. 

Fayanne
by Bronze Member on Jan. 2, 2018 at 4:57 PM
2 moms liked this

Same here... I lost nearly half my retirment.. and as much as it drives me batty (when I let it) I know my life is better without him

Quoting Goobergal: I love this. I know i lost money and continue to lose. But NO HIM is a win everyday. You have a healthy outlook.


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