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How are all your children doing

Posted by on Dec. 31, 2017 at 11:33 PM
  • 4 Replies
That’s one of the things that’s kept me staying as long as I have. It’s all about the kids. I’m so worried about them. And they’re both young adults.
by on Dec. 31, 2017 at 11:33 PM
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by Battle Weary on Jan. 1, 2018 at 9:40 AM

As young adults they will be responsible for the relationship they have with both you and your husband.  You won't have to deal with visitations and the worry of whether they are safe and cared for.

I really think that for young children it all depends on the people involved.  If you have a parent who uses their child as a weapon against the other parent then it can be really difficult.

My son is now ten.  He still doesn't want to go to his dad's, but accepts it.  It appears that the dread of going is worse than actually being there, but he is always relieved when he gets home.  He has a hard time voicing his opinion around his dad.  I know how difficult a person his dad is.  He is a "my way or the highway" kind of guy that one doesn't dare to defy.  I think DS has learned to keep to himself when he's with his dad.  He talks a lot about being in his room and is thrilled that he finally got a television there.  The every other weekend is tolerable mostly because his dad works one of those days.  Mostly he hates that everyone on ex's side of the equation smokes and he comes home hoarse.  He also hates going to school on the Friday he is with his dad because he stinks and kids have made comments about it.  He is very aware of his appearance and hygiene, so this really weighs on him.

by Bronze Member on Jan. 1, 2018 at 11:19 AM

I can tell you I stayed in the marriage too long 'for the kids' because of the negative impact it had on my youngest, and the guys she chose to have relationships with.

then, the stbx filled their heads with crap, and my oldest did not speak to me for pretty much five years. We are just now mending the relationship, but she and the youngest hold a grudge against SO, as if he is the one to blame for the divorce, which is just not true. But, I'm countering the effects of ex's smear campaign.

The best thing you can do is take the high road, avoid negative or derrogatory comments about you stbx, and hope for the best.

by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2018 at 11:42 AM
I stayed for too long because I was worried about the kids but when saw our a lawyer (mediating lawyer), he said something like "with every decision you make through the divorce process, you must ask 'What is best for your kids?'"

The biggest thing for me love them the same, be amicable with ex...especially in front of him,, and work with my ex.

It's been a year and I check in with them and they seem to be doing great. They are happy and have a routine. My ex and I still talk out things before we make decisions that impact them.

by Member on Jan. 3, 2018 at 11:46 PM

My son was not my ex-h child. We got together when ds was 5 and divorced when he was 12. I had a step son who was 16 when we divorced.

It has been 2 years and my son doesnt say much but I know he misses his "brother" and our family. It breaks my heart.

I tried to stay in touch with my step son by inviting him to family events and sending him birthday/christmas presents but never got any sort of response. This Christmas was the first holiday that I did not do anything for him.

My whole divorce was confusing and heartbreaking for both my son and I. Luckily he has a stable relationship with his father and we are both healing as time goes by.

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