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I posted before that ex-SD has been in contact since before Christmas. I knew something was up and couldn’t get her to really tell me because I was worried about prying (and having ex use it in court). I knew she was trying to get away from the boyfriend she’d been living with (but not why) and that her dad’s family (ex’s family) had disowned her.

Well she called me in hysterics 2 days ago, sent me photos of herself covered in bruises and bite marks. Boyfriend tried to strangle her and beat her up. He’s now in jail and she’s homeless. Her mom got on the phone (FIRST TIME I’ve ever spoken to her mom - in the 11-12 years since I met her dad). Kiddo succeeded in finding someone JUST like her dad. The mom has a 1 bedroom apartment with 4 people living there, and no job (she’s on disability). I spoke with them both and agreed to let kiddo come stay with me and help her get on her feet. My parents got her a plane ticket and are giving her use of one of their cars until she can buy her own.

I asked my ex (bc court) “Is there any reason you think N shouldn’t be around DS?” He went off on me as he usually does and said no and how dare I accuse his daughter blah blah (in writing). Ok. I got my written consent. Let him know she’s coming and he flipped out. Started texting her about how I’m such a horrible person and doesn’t she realize how bad this will make him look (didn’t offer to help her himself). Have those screenshots in writing as well, showing it’s about me, not her.

She lands next Thursday. I’m nervous but trying to be optimistic. It’ll be an extra set of hands in the house, she’s a clean/neat person and while she had a lot of issues as a teen, I’m hoping she and I will be able to coexist. Most importantly, she needs SOMEONE to help her out and it’s sad that her family won’t (they never valued education and they never prepared her to get a job, so that’s on me now). But I am now in contact with ex’s first ex (OMG the things she told me). And I’m hoping I’m doing the right thing and not compromising this court battle by inviting drama into my world just as things are all settling down and looking so great.
by on Jan. 19, 2018 at 9:55 AM
Replies (21-22):
by Bronze Member on Jan. 26, 2018 at 1:54 AM
So she arrived tonight. My mom had sent her money to use at airport, etc. HER mom took it from her before she left bc she “has a bald tire and needs a new one.” So this kid was in transit from 11 am today until 12:30 am without any food or anything to drink. I made her food and brought it to the airport - she ate it like she hadn’t eaten in days. She was always skinny but now she is like a stick. She had dirty hair and just looked exhausted and...I don’t know. As a parent, I would go without before doing that to my child. Her father makes a six figure income and let her stay homeless.
by Battle Weary on Jan. 26, 2018 at 10:50 AM

Why would she give her mom her travel money?  She is NOT A KID.  I really, really hope that you do NOT give her a pass on this sort of thing.  You have to treat her like the 22 year old she is no matter how immaturely she behaves.  To do otherwise will be insulting to her and you will enable her to stay in that immature rut she is in.

Her dad may have a six figure income and her mom might be the Queen of Sheba, but she is an adult and no one owes her anything at this point.  Especially not you.  Don't be her savior/enabler.  Have expectations.  Don't feel sorry for her.  She is NOT a victim.  She made shitty choices that put her in a vulnerable position.

Tough love.  Expectations of responsible behavior. No mulligans.

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