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my daughter

Posted by on Mar. 16, 2018 at 12:46 AM
  • 12 Replies

So not really divorced or getting divorced. We were together for 14 years. He helped me raise my daughter. But I had just found out 2 weeks ago that the person that I was going to marry, the person that I loved with my whole being did the unthinkable. He was caught red handed taping her on an old cell phone. He admitted to taping her while she was in the shower. I had also learned that he was doing it for 2 years. I cant believe this is happening to my family. We have 3 boys together and I didnt want our boys to hate him but I dont hide anything from my kids. They know that daddy did something very bad and they hate him. I have lost everything that I have ever known. The person that I had counted on alot for. He was also the main breadwinner in our family, I was a stay at home mom. Im breaking inside. I know that i have the biggest and hardest journeys ahead of me. Please pray for me and my family.


by on Mar. 16, 2018 at 12:46 AM
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Replies (1-10):
belle2780
by on Mar. 16, 2018 at 12:54 AM
Prayers it’s a hard road, But at least you are doing the right thing and leaving. I was the victim growing up and my mother still stayed with him for another 2 years even after knowing what he had done. Every now and then she will still praise him for serving his country or talk to me about it him despite my requests that I hear nothing about him or his son who was in on it. I am civil to his son if I need to be because he is my sister’s half brother and he apologized for his role in it and has been to therapy and it was a little easier to forgive since he was about 12 and he trusted his parent to tell him right and wrong but I still have very little to do with him and it has taken me a long time to see her as a victim as well of being abused and manipulated. The only thing I am glad of his service to the army is because it allows her a widow pension that lets my mother maintain her own apt since she can’t work full time due to health issues.
anonomomma
by Member on Mar. 16, 2018 at 9:11 AM
There is a lady with a post in the Single Moms group whose ex was recently busted for child porn. You should reach out to her. And I am sorry your ex did this do your daughter. That is a nightmare no one should go through.
Oliviasmom72
by Member on Mar. 16, 2018 at 12:13 PM
I hope you called the police and he was arrested? That is just sad and disgusting. I hope he goes to prison and has to register as a sex offender. I feel terrible for your daughter. I get so tired of hearing these stories.

How is she doing?

I hope you have friends and family as a support system.

There was a woman on a local Facebook group of mine who’s soon to be ex was arrested for doing the exact same thing. He had just gotten hired on to work at Walmart and the criminal investigation was just starting and he took his own life.

Lots of luck to you all.
ivf_blessed
by Member on Mar. 16, 2018 at 2:16 PM

I posted that - my ex was arrested for viewing child porn.  They found no evidence of him participating or abusing our children.  Both of my kids had to go through forensic interviews after his house was raided and there was no reason to believe they were ever involved (other than my son being exposed to regular porn on his Dad's phone).  The FBI agent did tell me it was probably only a matter of time before he did something with children, however, it didn't and he's in jail and my kids have been in counseling since the raid.

To the original poster, I am so very sorry this happened to your DD.  My DD is 14 as well - if you haven't done so already, please get your DD into counseling immediately.  My DD wasn't even abused and she is really struggling with this situation.

Is the FBI involved?  If so, ask about the Victim's Grant and other ways they can help your DD.

Prayers for you & your family.

Quoting anonomomma: There is a lady with a post in the Single Moms group whose ex was recently busted for child porn. You should reach out to her. And I am sorry your ex did this do your daughter. That is a nightmare no one should go through.


ivf blessed
tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Mar. 16, 2018 at 10:47 PM

I agree with Oliviasmom.  This should be reported to the police immediately. If you don't then this guy will continue this behavior in your home or with someone else.

See something, say something.  I know this must be devastating for you and your family, but taking appropriate action and seeking counseling will help to heal you and your children.  Thankfully, you never married. You won't have to spend time and money on  a divorce.  Custody shouldn't be a problem  once he is arrested.

Amanda44057
by New Member on Mar. 16, 2018 at 11:23 PM
It was reported to the police. My daughter reported it bc this man chased her to her bus stop to talk to her. He is willing to turn himself in and he will be doing so. They haven't found any evidence of him tapping her but he did admit to it. The FBI is not involved. We lived in the same house and have 3 boys together. I'm getting counseling for every one of us. I have some family but no friends. This just all really sucks. My family has been torn apart. I also have no education and now have to try to find work. This is not going to be easy at all.
Fayanne
by Bronze Member on Mar. 17, 2018 at 8:10 AM

hugs and good luck.

and please please please encourage your daughter, when you are all in a better place, to get an education and establish a career, and learn to be independent.


tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Mar. 17, 2018 at 9:46 AM

So where is he now?  Have you gotten a restraining order to keep him away from you and your family?

His perversion is definitely going to disrupt things, but please don't consider staying with him out of convenience.  I've watched Dr. Phil enough to know that if you continue a relationship with him after knowing what he has done to your daughter that it will destroy her.  Choosing him over her is not a reasonable consideration.

It may be necessary to get a couple of jobs to make ends meet.  Is there a local college that offers job training?  Maybe you can find a career path that does not require a lengthy training period and the school can help you with placement.

I know it seems impossible to face right now, but you can do this.  How old are your children?

Quoting Amanda44057: It was reported to the police. My daughter reported it bc this man chased her to her bus stop to talk to her. He is willing to turn himself in and he will be doing so. They haven't found any evidence of him tapping her but he did admit to it. The FBI is not involved. We lived in the same house and have 3 boys together. I'm getting counseling for every one of us. I have some family but no friends. This just all really sucks. My family has been torn apart. I also have no education and now have to try to find work. This is not going to be easy at all.


Goobergal
by Silver Member on Mar. 17, 2018 at 10:08 AM

you MUST take action and remove him or it will look badly with child protective services.  You MUST act in every way for the kids.  Or your parenting might be at question.  Get ALL the children in individual counseling as well as family.  And if you dont report, one of the counselors as mandated reporters will.  You are experiencing trauma.  All of you.  You MUST act immediately.

Amanda44057
by New Member on Mar. 17, 2018 at 10:35 AM
I have not gotten a restraining order against him. And I'm not with him either. My children are 14,11,8, and 4. He is still the father to the 3 youngest. And by him seeing them and us having a civial relationship for our boys is not me choosing him over her. I have filled out applications online for jobs but haven't gotten anything back. I was looking into going back to school as well.

Quoting tottaxi:

So where is he now?  Have you gotten a restraining order to keep him away from you and your family?

His perversion is definitely going to disrupt things, but please don't consider staying with him out of convenience.  I've watched Dr. Phil enough to know that if you continue a relationship with him after knowing what he has done to your daughter that it will destroy her.  Choosing him over her is not a reasonable consideration.

It may be necessary to get a couple of jobs to make ends meet.  Is there a local college that offers job training?  Maybe you can find a career path that does not require a lengthy training period and the school can help you with placement.

I know it seems impossible to face right now, but you can do this.  How old are your children?

Quoting Amanda44057: It was reported to the police. My daughter reported it bc this man chased her to her bus stop to talk to her. He is willing to turn himself in and he will be doing so. They haven't found any evidence of him tapping her but he did admit to it. The FBI is not involved. We lived in the same house and have 3 boys together. I'm getting counseling for every one of us. I have some family but no friends. This just all really sucks. My family has been torn apart. I also have no education and now have to try to find work. This is not going to be easy at all.

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