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Need Examples!

Posted by on Apr. 16, 2018 at 1:31 PM
  • 5 Replies

I need examples or a checklist of what we need to include in a custody agreement, especially if someone has one where the father worked in retail or another industry where he never has a set schedule, compared to the mom who has a M_F day job with a set schedule.  MY STBX wants 50/50 but cannot seem to grasp that his retail job does not allow for that, esp when he lives with his mom & dad an hour away.

Thank you Mommas!

by on Apr. 16, 2018 at 1:31 PM
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by Battle Weary on Apr. 16, 2018 at 2:03 PM

First of all, 50/50 custody doesn't work when there is such a big distance between parents.  I would guess that your children are young and not yet in school because if your stbx is wanting shared custody then he would realize that getting the kids to school each day would be impossible living outside of their school district and even the county. 

Shared custody is something that depends on proximity.  I would suggest you stress those scenarios...getting the child/children to extra curricular activities in their school or park district for practices and games would be impossible if you live a great distance away.  And the children should NOT suffer and be unable to play with friends, attend parties, participate in sports, etc. because of custody issues.  Custody shouldn't be based on the parents' desire for FAIRNESS in time shared, but in what is least disruptive for the kids.

Which is at the crux of the visitation issue. If he wants to have a more equal split of time throughout the year then he needs to live closer.  Since he has chosen to live at a distance (unless you were the one that chose to move...and if that is the case then he may have more of a leg to stand on) then he can really only hope to even out the parenting time during school breaks and summer vacation.

Most of the people on this forum who have a stbx/ex that is wanting shared custody find that this is more about the desire to not pay child support than spending parenting time with their children.  Sounds like your stbx plans to use his parents as babysitters no matter what, so his schedule doesn't really matter.  It is the distance that is the deal breaker for him.

by Silver Member on Apr. 16, 2018 at 2:15 PM

I think that 50/50 can work if the schedule is a bit different if the person is willing to work that out.  I don't think 50/50 can work with that kind of distance as tottaxi said if the children are school age.

by Bronze Member on Apr. 17, 2018 at 6:33 AM

Would ROFR work for you?

by Member on Apr. 17, 2018 at 4:03 PM

I would stipulate First Right of Refusal - if he cannot, personally be with or watch the children for an extended period of time during his arranged time, then he MUST offer the time to you before he seeks other care.

I would stipulate that neither parent can move outside the state or a substantial distance from the other parent and, if necessary, the children's school district.

I would stipulate that each parent is responsible for ensuring their children do not miss on agreed upon extra curriculars or school activities during their arranged time.

Since he already lives 1 hour away, I do not see how he could possibly get the children on a week to week basis during the school year irregardless of his job.  Instead, it sounds like his time would be done during summer/holidays but I would be sure you only agree to sharing holidays either half/half or every other. 

It should definitely be taken into consideration the fact that he lives so far way, however, if YOU moved away from him, that could be an issue for you.

Good luck!

by Member on Apr. 17, 2018 at 10:11 PM
Are the kids in school yet? Who moved and created the distance? You will need to likely agree on a halfway point to meet.
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