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Has anyone been through the Custody Battle

Posted by on May. 25, 2011 at 6:07 PM
  • 23 Replies

My DH and I got a lawyer a couple of months ago and my SD BM got served about 2 weeks or so ago and now we have started the process of becoming my SD CPs. And sadly the BM is a nasty biopolar (we think) and just so off the wall. Has anyone else went through the process with the courts? What was the outcome? What is the status btwn you n the BM?

baby

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by on May. 25, 2011 at 6:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
4kidsmomma4life
by on May. 25, 2011 at 6:27 PM

DH had a letter sent about a month ago, inviting her for mediation.  She is basically refusing.  If they can't set something up in the next 2 weeks we will be on to the next step with an attorney.  We are just starting this process.  I can't imagine things would be very good with BM after the papers were served, but in our case, things are already not good.  She interprets the paperwork to say whatever works to her advantage at the second, saying that her attorney told her she can do whatever she wants.  She won't be happy when she finds out that is not the case in reality.

lilangilyn
by on May. 25, 2011 at 6:46 PM
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We went through a very costly and prolonged custody battle. It ended with us settling in mediation for some modifications in the court orders. It lasted for well over two years and could have gone on a year longer with BM requesting a jury trial. Jury trials in our state cost around $100,000.

Then we walked away. Completely away. DH still pays his child support and will for one more year. He doesn't try to enforce visitation at this point. He does call his child and keeps in touch through the Internet.

If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't do it, because the physcial, emotional and monetary costs were too much.

4VirgoMom
by on May. 26, 2011 at 10:41 AM

Wwe went thru a diffrent custody battle that involved Child Protective Services (CPS) for 5 long years (that I did it with him. He had been doing this since she was 18 months). It was a very long drawn out battle. We would fight for dsd and all she would do is complete parenting classes and they would give custody back to BM...BM now has a total of 8 neglect charges and they finally decieded 2 years ago that she was unfit to raise children....Currently pregnant and the state will snatch the child as soon as it is born. In the beginning we didnt have a lawyer because we could afford a lawyer. This last time we had a pro-bono attonery that faught a good battle for us and stated that he had never seen a case like this before.

We tried mediation she wouldnt show up and we would have to pay for the counceling regardless. The court would order her and she still wouldnt show. We offered to pay for a mental health evaualtion so that if there is and issues she could get medicated and have a relationship with her child. She denied, and even when the courts ordered her she didnt follow thru again.

Although it was a long fight, we kept with it and it was worth it.

Good luck!

KatieD82
by on May. 26, 2011 at 1:00 PM

We are in the process now. BM was keeping sd from seeing her father so DH went for 50/50 back in Nov. and got it. They agreed to start out slow so it wouldn't disrupt sd schedule too much. Since then BM has gone against the court order and only agrees to what works for her. She also missed their last court date. The judge ordered they go to mediation before the next court date to try to work things out. DH has offerd to work things out with her to avoid the extra cost, but she refuses, still trying to deny him his time. Now Dh is going to go for full custody.

jessiesluv
by on May. 26, 2011 at 2:29 PM

 We have went through court twice, once in mediation and is looking like it might be happening again soon. Oy vey.

LWhite85
by on May. 26, 2011 at 2:34 PM

It feels like it never ends! That's all I can say. Because despite what the courts rule, if the child feels like you banished the other parent (even though they are unfit) it ends in a horrible relationship. I don't know, it's just hard. Ours probably won't end until he's 18.

nmaxwell816
by on May. 26, 2011 at 2:35 PM

 BM and DH have 50/50 custody since Dec 2010.  Then in January, she put the kids in daycare that's 5 minutes from her house and didn't tell DH til it was his week to get them.  He told her he wasn't taking them so she refused to let him have them.  Then she told him, she was okay with him just taking them every weekend til he got a new vehicle.  He totaled his truck a few weeks before all this happened and only had liability insurance.  Then she went to court and filed paperwork the day after this agreement.  The court denied her request since it hadn't been but like 3 weeks since the last hearing.  In Feb, we got married and the Monday afterwards, she filed the paperwork then.  They went to mediation in March and DH told the mediator that they had agreed on this new schedule and BM told the mediator that she did but didn't want him seeing the kids as much anymore cause she wanted more child support.  Also said that she wanted my money to be taken for her kids.  Told mediator that he was useless and didn't pay any money for his kids.  There is a support order in place and it's paid in full every month.  Mediator told BM she couldn't just put the kids in daycare without discussing with DH.  Mediator told DH to continue with the verbal agreement until they go before the judge.  BM refused to agree with DH cause she wants to go before the judge.  She ended up getting kicked out of medation for cussing at mediator.  Mediator also said she was going to put in the notes that she recommended couseling for BM as for she was unstable.

LadyBrass
by on May. 26, 2011 at 2:40 PM

It is a lengthy ahrd hard road, so prepare yourself. things you think would be common sense toa judge will not be. Try to remember, the judge HAS to be completely nonjudgemental to all involved. Do not ever say anything bad direclty about the BM (especially around the kids) and do not piss off the judge.  Hold your tongue in court, one wrong move and you are the judges enemy.  Remember, most of the time, the judge wants to side with the BM in divorces and custody battles.

mallowcup17
by on May. 26, 2011 at 5:16 PM

we have to go for modifications a lot, mostly for child support issues or when she decides she wants to play games and not let us see SD then we go to the courts and she plays fair again. 

CPS had tried to help us get custody several times but the courts won't sign the papers so we are at a standstill. it makes no sense at all to me that CPS has deemed BM unfit but because a judge won't sign it usually for their own selfish reasons that she is allowed to keep her. its ridiculous. 

Gnomes
by on May. 26, 2011 at 6:49 PM

Custody battles are just that. Battles. My husband and his daughters mother have fought as long as I have known my husband. It's a long hard road to travel.

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