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What to do with unbearable baby momma drama!?

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:01 AM
  • 11 Replies

Same old, same old with this story right?

My name is Vicky and I'm a stepmom to four children plus two of my own. I've got a brady bunch :) I love my kids sooo much as if they were my own. Lately we've been having drama with the baby mommas (yes plural, 2) one baby mother had 3 kids with my husband and we're trying to get them down to our house for summer vacation. Well #1 is acting crazy, we recently went to their house to visit and the house is soooo nasty, kids act like they don't know what to do. We took them out to eat some lunch come back and she takes off! So me and hubby help kids clean their room and are lecturing them at the same time. It's the same damn story with this one. We leave the house then hubby starts getting texts about how the kids aren't coming with us for summer vacation and that Vicky (me) should stop talking about her. WHAAATT? I never said anything.... I'm going crazzzzy!! What the hell do I do? Because right now I feel like getting in the car and paying her a visit. I need some help. Has anyone ever dealt with anything like this or worse?

Thanks ((Sorry long post:: Venting::))

 

P.S. We've always been cordial with each other, this is the first she's mentioned my name.

by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
angelrach86
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 8:27 AM

Oh yes I have a crazy Bm #2 I have to deal with, In my situation it will never get better.. Does your DH have a CO for visitation??

DevotedStepmom
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 8:32 AM

The same thing is happening with me. Baby momma is a drug addict and got out of prison back in January. I've been married for 2 years but here with these guys for 3 and have been a mom and step mom to them since getgo. This is how I handled and am handling it. Don't know if this will work for  you but want to help if i can.

When it comes to baby momma, she is insecure, no self esteem and is fully aware that she isn't half the mom I am. This is her choice. I have tried the supportive route and told her what she needed to do to step up and be a good mom to these kids, but to no avail. So.... one thing I am absolutely certain of is that I don't give a flying f*ck about how my being a mom makes her feel about herself. It's not about her and its not about me, it's about these kids and being there for them 100%. It's about giving them everything they need. My hubs has sole custody of my two so it's a bit different as far as what we have to put up with. I do occasionally get sucked in to her drama but I know it's a signal to let me know that I need to step back and reevaluate. When you know that someone is acting "crazy" it's always good to remember that trying to talk sense to a crazy person is like trying to have sex to get virginity back. It's impossible and will only make you feel nuts. You don't have control over their cleaning habits or bad parenting etc... what you do have control over is making sure that when those kids are in your home that they follow the rules of your house and when they are in your home they know that they are loved and safe. If you guys legally have control over the summer vacation thing, exorcise that right and if not perhaps one last kick at the can to get the mommas to see that it's not about them it's about the kids happiness. If there is no budging, there is no budging. Do with what you have control over and the rest, all you can do is throw it up to God/Universe or whoever your higher power is. Just trust that despite appearances, EVERYTHING is exactly as it should be in this moment in time. You can't see into the future to know how events will unfold and often we sit and look back on things and say thank God that happened because it turned out well. Hugs to you. I feel your pain. Wooooo saaaaa Momma/step-momma!!!! You are doing a great job!

4kidsmomma4life
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 8:33 AM

It gets better in time.  They say it takes about 3 years for the ex to calm down when the previous spouse gets remarried.  It has proven true in our case.  I hope things get better quickly for you.  My only advise is to let their dad handle all communication with their mother and you just don't get involved.

Mommie2Max
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 8:57 AM
If there is no CO, your DH needs to get one so visitation can be enforced. If there us a CO, file contempt every time she refuses visitation. I'm not sure why you are going into her house when she is not there. That sends up a red flag to me that there needs to be some boundaries in place, KWIM? Things get muddled and what should be more of a business relationship becomes too friendly. This can cause problems if you are dealing with a "crazy", as you call her. Good luck.
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charliesangel23
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:00 PM


Quoting 4kidsmomma4life:

It gets better in time.  They say it takes about 3 years for the ex to calm down when the previous spouse gets remarried.  It has proven true in our case.  I hope things get better quickly for you.  My only advise is to let their dad handle all communication with their mother and you just don't get involved.


This is sooo true. We got married in 2007 and we finally started acting nice to eachother in 2010!! lol. Now were changing our visitation schedule without having to go to court and her and i talk and make decisions without having to involve dh. Its so much nicer this way. But it was like psycho crazy that first three years.

mallowcup17
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 1:07 PM

i agree with this. it was really hard the first few years we were together then married but in the last year things have calmed down, the problems aren't completely gone but they aren't as wild and crazy as they once were. best of luck to you! i also agree with letting DH handle all of the communication to BM. 

Quoting 4kidsmomma4life:

It gets better in time.  They say it takes about 3 years for the ex to calm down when the previous spouse gets remarried.  It has proven true in our case.  I hope things get better quickly for you.  My only advise is to let their dad handle all communication with their mother and you just don't get involved.


nmaxwell816
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 2:01 PM

 I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a hug!  I know what you are going through and I suggest you get a court ordered schedule.  About driving down to pay a visit-I've been on that boat and DH would never let me.  I've learned that if you don't react to her then she'll probably get more mad!  then you can laugh at her behind her back for acting retarded!

Angelknot8
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 3:27 PM

My first thought is why are you guys going there? Second thought is if the house is that nasty I would be making a cys call.

MayAnn
by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 7:54 PM

yeah momma drama is 1 way to put it. 2 step kids myself SD is 14 & SD is 12 been w/DH for 11yrs drama has yet to stop (small break when hubby w/in Iraq & she didnt have to share the kids) They have been taught since they was in diapers their daddy is a POS & lies have been spread over the yrs. I love them as they r my own. growing up idk the diffrence both my BP remarried i was raised as its twice the love so this has been difficut. we have CO but almost ever visitation weekend she has something they have to do so its changed around & summer breaks r a joke we r to have them all but every other weekend & she gets 2 weeks. last yr it was if u spend time w/your dad i take away your horse riding & karate this yr she enrolled daughter in drivers ed didnt ask & son in weight lifting 3 days a week all summer total BS. the trash talk she does & not to mention daughtr 1st MD dance momma sat @ the dance table crying bout her baby growing up (in front all her friends) she is up in their business 24-7 if she dont reach daughter on cell she calls every # we have freaking out i dont answer the phn its our time. last time here not even 2 hrs after getting here her momma calls her & i could hear her crying i miss u so much. im all for loving & nurturing but u have to let them grow & teach them how to interact not baby them & idk how to help them its so tense btwn me & DH w/this matter i want to slap her w/CO & enforce visit & he is broken after fighting 14yrs & not getting to see them w/o fight ever time he dont see where it will do any good.

Azmommy0105
by on Jun. 5, 2011 at 8:30 PM

Thanks girlies...

Yea this situation makes me and hubby fight alot, and I have to stop myself because duh! he's doing this with baby momma #1.

I've told him to call Child Protective services, that house is unbearable, then comes out with he has backpay on child support payments. What does this effect? I would love to know.

About us being at her house with the kids alone, well Baby Momma really just up and left, not telling us anything, it really looked like she was coming right back in the house. That's what really drove me over the edge. Other times she has calmed down right away but this tantrum she's throwing is still on as we speak.

Poor hubby is stressed to the max and all we can do is pray and pray and pray about this. I understood what I was getting myself into but I agree I think it was me and DH getting married that probably put her over the edge.

I really don't care that she's jealous of the bond me and her kids have grown over the past 5 years and just pray that she learns how to keep the kids out of her low self esteem issues and jealousy.

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