BM and I started out BAD. But then we started forming some type of working "relationship".. some may even call it a budding friendship. We talked on the phone for an hour or two on a couple different occasions.. then of course other people got involved and it became a mess. Things from the past were brought into the present and issues that shouldn't even be an issue made things very tense between her and I for a couple weeks. I backed off and licked my wounds, and we are back to not speaking other than when she is picking up or dropping off SS.
Now what do I do from here? I still feel the desire to reach out to her. Idk if anyone remembers any of the conversations that I have posted that her and I have had.. she is very clearly and vocally uncomfortable with me being in SS's life. She IMO seems to be slightly insecure about her relationship with SS, or at least what my involvement in his life will do to their relationship. I don't know how many ways I can try to explain to her my intentions, she just doesn't seem to want to back down or re-think the situation any.
I know of some women here who say that they don't talk to BM at all, and I've tried that. But it is just in my nature to reach out to people. I WANT to have some type of relationship with her that isn't affected by outside influences and that is real. Maybe I'm just an idealist.. I just think it would be so much better for SS, me, DH, and even her that her and I could get along and form some type of "team" that parallels her and DH's coparenting relationship. I want to be comfortable and her to be comfortable talking to each other about SS.
Maybe it's because I've seen functioning great relationships between BM and SM in real life between my sister and the SM in her son's life. I've seen how they easily get along and co-parent and I wish that for BM and myself. I just don't know how to go about this. More time? More attempts to communicate? I truly genuinely want to be a type of friend to her. I have stopped my griping about her, even to DH. I have started only confiding in my sister who is the most non-judgmental person in my life and doesn't jump on the "lets hate BM" bandwagon like some of my friends tried to do when I confided in them. I'm taking the steps to stop thinking about her in a negative light, and try to put myself in her shoes in some of the situations we have disagreed about. I know you can't change anyone, but I really just want to make this drama-free and just peaceful.