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in a pickle, need some help plz

Posted by on Jun. 7, 2011 at 1:14 PM
  • 12 Replies

So i had posted before about how much the SC dislike me and they make it a point to tell their dad on a weekly basis. I had my daughter a few weeks ago. They seem to love her always asking if they can hold her if I need help. i decline the help but always let them hold her whenever they ask unless of course im feeding her (reasonable). Their dad talked to them just last week and asked if they wanted to stay at our house for another year, he gives them the choice for a school year. They told him yes. BM comes for her visit brings them back. SD,SS, BM, and my husband all talked IDK what was said but my husband came in really upset and said the kids were leaving permentaly in augs. They finished out my SD probation and then they were gone to go with their mom. My husbands not a crier, so to see him have tears in his eyes hurt me. Like i said IDK what was said but he only usually gets upset like that when the kids or their mom bring up the baby so i think it had to do with the new baby in the house. My question is. BM currently lives with her mom in a houes where the kids will sleep on a couch, SD is on probation they re-evaluate in augs. she committeda  felony when she was living with mom, thats why she is here. When we got them they had 12K of dental work that had to be done and had never been vacinated, to me this shows neglect on BM part.BM had son back a year ago and never enrolled him in school untill a truancy officer threatened to take him from her and she gave him back to us. with us we live in a 4 bd house they are in school have their own rooms do sports blah blah blah. the courts just recently cancelled BMs original custody order and gave custody to us (i think court papers are hard for me to understand). on child support papers it stated she was 8% and we had the other 92%. We have made our lives around them bought a suv so they would have space, renting a 4bd house for them everything and its costing a pretty penny we want to down size as of sept but we dont' know if the courts will say ok the kids want to go with mom done or if they are going to look at living arrangments and so forth its obvious they are better off here but they hate me and baby so they want to leave and go with mom (who doesn't have any rules). what should we do?

by on Jun. 7, 2011 at 1:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
closetmom
by on Jun. 7, 2011 at 1:26 PM

if DH  has custody, why did he ask the kids if they wanted to go live with their mother? I don't understand why he gave them the option. But since he did, I guess he should let them go.

Ms.Gwen
by on Jun. 7, 2011 at 1:27 PM
Thie kids father needs to step up and care for his children, but then again so does thier mother! Kids should not be calling the shots. Give them what they need not what they want!
MrsDavid
by on Jun. 7, 2011 at 1:33 PM

You should all follow the current court order until and if it is changed.  To do anything else is contempt.

Our judge point blank told us that children do not get to chose and it is the adult's responsibility to enforce the court orders as it pertains to the children.  He threatened to hold SS as an incorrigible youth and us in contempt if we did not make him attend the supervised visits with the BM.

It is a mistake to ever let children believe they have such power.  They are not emotionally equipped to deal with the consequences.

Carolina1019
by on Jun. 7, 2011 at 1:34 PM

I am unclear.

If your DH has custody of his children, and the mom isn't properly caring for them, he needs to not give them a choice. They need to come home with him.

 

maybaby22
by Silver Member on Jun. 7, 2011 at 1:35 PM

 I think your step children would benefit from some counseling. Like the other poster said the kids should not be asked what the WANT they should be given what they NEED. DH needs to make the rules and stick with them.

why do you feel they hate you so much? are they acting out for attention?

rebeccasmly
by on Jun. 7, 2011 at 1:40 PM

I think we as parents need to try to do what is best for the children, even when the children hate us for it. I agree with following any and all court orders but also believe in working with the other parent in what is best for the children, even if that means going outside the court order a bit.Our courts actually encourage the parents to work together and come to agreements between each other instead of going to court every time a change needs to be made or something happens

OP, with what you have described, if we were in that position, I think we would keep the children with us unless a judge told us otherwise.

SweetMsMills
by on Jun. 7, 2011 at 3:38 PM

While the preference of the kids is always something to look at, as long as they are minors, the custodial parent has the obligation of making the decision that is best for the kids' welfare.  NOT the one that makes the kids happy, per se....but the one in which the situation created will be the most advantageous for the kids to thrive in. 

I assume all of the mom's issues are documented....the felony arrest, the failure to have them immunized, the failure to enroll in school, etc.....so why would he offer an option to turn custody over to their mother?  It is obvious that you guys have taken very good care of the kids.  Car, house, school, medical, etc.....and she has not. 

I see no reason why he would let them go.  Or why even if BM took you to court, any judge would order you to turn them over. 

SweetMsMills
by on Jun. 7, 2011 at 3:39 PM

VERY good point!

Quoting MrsDavid:

You should all follow the current court order until and if it is changed.  To do anything else is contempt.

Our judge point blank told us that children do not get to chose and it is the adult's responsibility to enforce the court orders as it pertains to the children.  He threatened to hold SS as an incorrigible youth and us in contempt if we did not make him attend the supervised visits with the BM.

It is a mistake to ever let children believe they have such power.  They are not emotionally equipped to deal with the consequences.


pepper504
by Gold Member on Jun. 7, 2011 at 3:44 PM

If there is a current court order in place where DH is custodial parent, then reality is, the kids cannot make the decision on whether they want to go live with BM or not.  BM will have to take your DH back to court and a judge will have to determine what is best for the kids.  BM has to prove that there is a circumstantial change in your household or with DH. 

DH needs to just follow the current court order and not worry about what BM/kids want. 

afwifeandmommy3
by on Jun. 7, 2011 at 3:50 PM



Quoting Ms.Gwen:

Thie kids father needs to step up and care for his children, but then again so does thier mother! Kids should not be calling the shots. Give them what they need not what they want!

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