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Have you ever read your child(ren) the Dr. Suess tale the Zax? Both refused to budge out of one another's way. All it would have taken was one to respect the other and step aside for the other to continue on his journey. This reminds me of SMs and BMs. All it takes is a little respect for the other. This is why some ladies have a problem with a BM being called names. The back and forth gets old and tiring and two wrongs don't make a right. I know many of you have difficult BMs to deal with and respecting them is the last thing on your mind. I was in that position before so I know what it's like. But to me, the name calling sets a negative atmosphere for our group so let's lighten it up. Moving past some of the negative lightens our burdens. So she may be a bitch. She may be mean. She may not be brilliant. But she is a mother and let's respect that. Let's all be the bigger person! So let's not fight over names so we can get to the bottom of things and that is dishing out advice and encouragement.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jun. 14, 2011 at 10:53 PM
Replies (21-30):
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jun. 15, 2011 at 8:29 AM

 

Whenever I see that a poster has permanently named her BM in a derogatory fashion, it does cloud my vision of them. It makes me wonder if this person has really moved on from the hatred. Assigning someone a derogatory name is a bullying tactic. Don't we all remember that one girl in high school who got assigned a horrible name by the mean girls?  But, I think, more importantly it keeps the namer in a spot in life for no growth to a better place. Giving someone a permanent name that puts them down makes that person look bad not the person they named.

While I think it is certainly any persons perogative to do as they please and to vent as they wish, it makes me wonder if they truly know that the perception of them is what some people look at when reading one of their posts? So, if they are writing that they have many issues in their life that are negative in nature, one certainly could be clouded by the fact they are full of so much anger and hatred towards another human being as to assign a derogatory name permanently, that maybe they may be part of their own problem.

This goes way beyond the occasional name hurling. ie. "BM stood the kids up again! She's such a bitch!"

(woops....put this in the wrong thread)

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jun. 15, 2011 at 8:30 AM

I admit, we have nicknamed BM - we like to think of it more as a term of endearment instead of something nasty.  She is either Friona or Black hole (as in the black hole of happiness).

 

Scuba
by on Jun. 15, 2011 at 8:38 AM

It's healthy - just like a child calling a scary monster a silly name, it relieves the tension and lets you laugh at the situation.

Just because you've nicknamed the BB doesn't mean you're harboring hate :)

Quoting WifeyC:

I admit, we have nicknamed BM - we like to think of it more as a term of endearment instead of something nasty.  She is either Friona or Black hole (as in the black hole of happiness).



Ms.Gwen
by on Jun. 15, 2011 at 8:40 AM
It doesn't bother me' at all when someone calls the BM names. This is a place for venting, so by all means get it out here! It bothers me when we call each other names. We should be helping each other. When one woman starts trashing the others lifestyle, choices, and even husband I am appalled. The purpose of this board is to vent and receive support for our common issues. If your response to an idividual is not in keeping with this objective than please keep it to yourself.
lilangilyn
by on Jun. 15, 2011 at 8:40 AM

We have a nickname for ours. I find it harmless and humorous. If she acted more like human being and less like a demon, well, I would call her by her name. But even exorcists know the value of calling out the demon by it's name, the demon name, not the name the demon is hiding under.

I do think it is the post itself that is important, the content. I choose to see that. What a poster calls their BM or SM is immaterial to me.

lilangilyn
by on Jun. 15, 2011 at 8:41 AM


Quoting Ms.Gwen:

It doesn't bother me' at all when someone calls the BM names. This is a place for venting, so by all means get it out here! It bothers me when we call each other names. We should be helping each other. When one woman starts trashing the others lifestyle, choices, and even husband I am appalled. The purpose of this board is to vent and receive support for our common issues. If your response to an idividual is not in keeping with this objective than please keep it to yourself.

Same here.

closetmom
by on Jun. 15, 2011 at 8:49 AM


Quoting ToraMay:

I don't think a PBFH, TBFH, BB or any other name for a birth mother takes a group down to a negative spot. The negativity comes into play when women choose to react to the name, instead of reacting to the general post. The post is not about the name, but rather the issues going on in the poster's life.

When a poster posts something about a stepissue that has nothing at all to do with BM, but she mentions BM anyway and calls  her BB, to me it is very relevant to the isues going on in the poster's life. To  me it strongly suggests that there is underlying resentment of the BM which colors the poster's views on other events having nothing to do with BM, such as events involving her children only.

So, to point this out to a poster may be helpful. At least to get her to start thinking about the larger issue going on.

Carolina1019
by on Jun. 15, 2011 at 8:52 AM


Quoting Ms.Gwen:

It doesn't bother me' at all when someone calls the BM names. This is a place for venting, so by all means get it out here! It bothers me when we call each other names. We should be helping each other. When one woman starts trashing the others lifestyle, choices, and even husband I am appalled. The purpose of this board is to vent and receive support for our common issues. If your response to an idividual is not in keeping with this objective than please keep it to yourself.


This is beautifully put.

Bottling up anger -- or pretending stress, anger and emotions don't exist or can simply be cast aside - is unrealistic.

What is an online support group for if not to empathize with each other's emotions, and offer support? Life is hard, folks. And, honestly, if people think I am a lesser person because I have a silly nickname for the BM -- well, frankly, I don't really value that person's opinion.

Positivity is nice. But it is simply unrealistic to pretend that life is all rainbows and unicorns.

I don't think having a nasty nickname for a BM or posting about life's stresses means that a woman is going around miserable or in unrelenting pain. It means that maybe she had a bad day. We've all been there. We can empathize and help. That's what friends are for. To minimize it or act like she could or should just get over it is disrespectful and not, personally, what I am about.

FrustratedmomX5
by on Jun. 15, 2011 at 9:51 AM

 This seems to happen a lot. People pick out something "wrong" with the poster..... lets all be supportive!!!!!

Quoting Ms.Gwen:

It doesn't bother me' at all when someone calls the BM names. This is a place for venting, so by all means get it out here! It bothers me when we call each other names. We should be helping each other. When one woman starts trashing the others lifestyle, choices, and even husband I am appalled. The purpose of this board is to vent and receive support for our common issues. If your response to an idividual is not in keeping with this objective than please keep it to yourself.

 

SquishiPook
by on Jun. 15, 2011 at 9:55 AM
I like these!


Quoting FrustratedmomX5:

 This seems to happen a lot. People pick out something "wrong" with the poster..... lets all be supportive!!!!!


Quoting Ms.Gwen:

It doesn't bother me' at all when someone calls the BM names. This is a place for venting, so by all means get it out here! It bothers me when we call each other names. We should be helping each other. When one woman starts trashing the others lifestyle, choices, and even husband I am appalled. The purpose of this board is to vent and receive support for our common issues. If your response to an idividual is not in keeping with this objective than please keep it to yourself.

 


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