Whenever I see that a poster has permanently named her BM in a derogatory fashion, it does cloud my vision of them. It makes me wonder if this person has really moved on from the hatred. Assigning someone a derogatory name is a bullying tactic. Don't we all remember that one girl in high school who got assigned a horrible name by the mean girls? But, I think, more importantly it keeps the namer in a spot in life for no growth to a better place. Giving someone a permanent name that puts them down makes that person look bad not the person they named.
While I think it is certainly any persons perogative to do as they please and to vent as they wish, it makes me wonder if they truly know that the perception of them is what some people look at when reading one of their posts? So, if they are writing that they have many issues in their life that are negative in nature, one certainly could be clouded by the fact they are full of so much anger and hatred towards another human being as to assign a derogatory name permanently, that maybe they may be part of their own problem.
This goes way beyond the occasional name hurling. ie. "BM stood the kids up again! She's such a bitch!"
(woops....put this in the wrong thread)
I admit, we have nicknamed BM - we like to think of it more as a term of endearment instead of something nasty. She is either Friona or Black hole (as in the black hole of happiness).
It's healthy - just like a child calling a scary monster a silly name, it relieves the tension and lets you laugh at the situation.
Just because you've nicknamed the BB doesn't mean you're harboring hate :)
Quoting WifeyC:I admit, we have nicknamed BM - we like to think of it more as a term of endearment instead of something nasty. She is either Friona or Black hole (as in the black hole of happiness).
We have a nickname for ours. I find it harmless and humorous. If she acted more like human being and less like a demon, well, I would call her by her name. But even exorcists know the value of calling out the demon by it's name, the demon name, not the name the demon is hiding under.
I do think it is the post itself that is important, the content. I choose to see that. What a poster calls their BM or SM is immaterial to me.
Quoting Ms.Gwen:
It doesn't bother me' at all when someone calls the BM names. This is a place for venting, so by all means get it out here! It bothers me when we call each other names. We should be helping each other. When one woman starts trashing the others lifestyle, choices, and even husband I am appalled. The purpose of this board is to vent and receive support for our common issues. If your response to an idividual is not in keeping with this objective than please keep it to yourself.
Same here.
Quoting ToraMay:
I don't think a PBFH, TBFH, BB or any other name for a birth mother takes a group down to a negative spot. The negativity comes into play when women choose to react to the name, instead of reacting to the general post. The post is not about the name, but rather the issues going on in the poster's life.
When a poster posts something about a stepissue that has nothing at all to do with BM, but she mentions BM anyway and calls her BB, to me it is very relevant to the isues going on in the poster's life. To me it strongly suggests that there is underlying resentment of the BM which colors the poster's views on other events having nothing to do with BM, such as events involving her children only.
So, to point this out to a poster may be helpful. At least to get her to start thinking about the larger issue going on.
Quoting Ms.Gwen:
It doesn't bother me' at all when someone calls the BM names. This is a place for venting, so by all means get it out here! It bothers me when we call each other names. We should be helping each other. When one woman starts trashing the others lifestyle, choices, and even husband I am appalled. The purpose of this board is to vent and receive support for our common issues. If your response to an idividual is not in keeping with this objective than please keep it to yourself.
This is beautifully put.
Bottling up anger -- or pretending stress, anger and emotions don't exist or can simply be cast aside - is unrealistic.
What is an online support group for if not to empathize with each other's emotions, and offer support? Life is hard, folks. And, honestly, if people think I am a lesser person because I have a silly nickname for the BM -- well, frankly, I don't really value that person's opinion.
Positivity is nice. But it is simply unrealistic to pretend that life is all rainbows and unicorns.
I don't think having a nasty nickname for a BM or posting about life's stresses means that a woman is going around miserable or in unrelenting pain. It means that maybe she had a bad day. We've all been there. We can empathize and help. That's what friends are for. To minimize it or act like she could or should just get over it is disrespectful and not, personally, what I am about.
This seems to happen a lot. People pick out something "wrong" with the poster..... lets all be supportive!!!!!
Quoting Ms.Gwen:
It doesn't bother me' at all when someone calls the BM names. This is a place for venting, so by all means get it out here! It bothers me when we call each other names. We should be helping each other. When one woman starts trashing the others lifestyle, choices, and even husband I am appalled. The purpose of this board is to vent and receive support for our common issues. If your response to an idividual is not in keeping with this objective than please keep it to yourself.
Quoting FrustratedmomX5:This seems to happen a lot. People pick out something "wrong" with the poster..... lets all be supportive!!!!!
Quoting Ms.Gwen:
It doesn't bother me' at all when someone calls the BM names. This is a place for venting, so by all means get it out here! It bothers me when we call each other names. We should be helping each other. When one woman starts trashing the others lifestyle, choices, and even husband I am appalled. The purpose of this board is to vent and receive support for our common issues. If your response to an idividual is not in keeping with this objective than please keep it to yourself.
If BP doesn't have the money to see the kid.
Do You Think 50/50 Custody Is Good For the Kids?
- ShannaBee
on Jun. 14, 2011 at 10:53 PM