Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I probably shouldn't..but I feel guilty

Posted by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:28 AM
  • 14 Replies
Extra time used to be a constant battle. If we wanted an extra day we'd have to give up a day, picking up early would mean dropping off early. Nothing was ever easy.
Until lately.
Sadly bm and her hubby have seperated. Idk if they are working on getting back together or what the whole story is (not really my place anyway). Since the seperation, we have seen so much of ss13 that I'm starting to feel guilty. What used to be EOWE and one weds night eow, has turned into ss being what we joke as " the guy on the couch". Just this past wkend (not our sched) we had him sun over night to mon, then again tues night, our reg weds visit and today we get to pick him up early for our wkend. All without a fight!! And thats just this past week. I know I should be grateful, I love having him here, my girls love seeing there big bro all the time & df has actually been easier to get along with when it comes to this situation, but it almost seems like we are only getting him cause bm has to much to deal with (rightfully so). I guess thats why I feel guilty, we are sort of using her hard times to see ss more.
Should I feel guilty our should I just be glad we can see him so much and give him some sort of stability?
How do you think you would feel?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:28 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
goobersmom713
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:34 AM
I be happy but sad at the same time. We have custody of them so they are here all the time but lately it seems we have them every weekend to. She keeps saying we are taking her money and she has to work to jobs but lately her visitions have been really short because she is doing other things like going to hang with buddies. I feel like I sort of have to distance myself from his kids so they don't slip up and call me mom. They have called me mom before but by complete accident
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
chanizen
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:36 AM
My suggestion is to accept it as a gift and enjoy it. It's nice that you are empathizing with bm. But. It sounds like you are having more time with ss and isn't that wonderful?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
bigbrownk9
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:40 AM

Tough one. Feel happy about being able to provide him the stability that he undoubtfully needs - that's an okay feeling. I also have a SS who is 13 and it's such a tough age - sometimes a kid and yet sometimes not. Your guilt is understandable, but remember how tough it will be for him when he returns back to BM and a quieter house. He's bound to hurt, but it's not wrong to feel happy to have him in order to help alleviate the pain he would feel, but know that he will eventually feel it.

I realize I really haven't answered your question, but just sort of rephrased it, but I can easily imagine the different feelings that you are all feeling. But there's nothing wrong with making the best of the situation, even if it means you are happy to have him around - he's obviously a good kid and should feel the extra love.

suark
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:43 AM

I say be grateful for the time you have and give him the consistency that he needs. BM, whether she will admit it or not is probably grateful to have someone else to help her out with him right now.

KoJosMom
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:44 AM
He's the best kid.. And its so wonderful him being here. I think what hurts me must is that although he is old enough to not slip & call me mom, hes old enough to figure out whats going on.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Charli627
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:45 AM
I would be happy for the extra time esp if there's no fighting and more stability for him. You and your Dh are there for him. And you guys are probably helping out Bm as well.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mallowcup17
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 12:18 PM


Quoting suark:

I say be grateful for the time you have and give him the consistency that he needs. BM, whether she will admit it or not is probably grateful to have someone else to help her out with him right now.


Angelknot8
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 1:23 PM

I understand feeling somewhat bad for another persons hard times, and I completely agree with it. That also shows your human and not a mean cold hearted person BUT I also think its great and its also just showing that bm could have been being this easy the whole time but chose not to. Dont feel guilty. Its ok to feel bad for someone but keep in mind all shes put your family through. I completely beleive in Karma and maybe this is hers

Quinn525
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 1:38 PM

When SD was little her mom kept her away for almost 2 years, then gave her to us almost every chance (she was pregnant with her 3rd and got pregnant with her 4th when 3rd was 6 months old and none of the other fathers were involved.)  We ended up being very stable for SD, spent alot of time with her, and ended up getting custody when she was 5.  Your SS doesn't need the drama of his homelife and you love spending time with him.  I think it's a win-win situation.

PageKing
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 3:52 PM

This!!!

Quoting suark:

I say be grateful for the time you have and give him the consistency that he needs. BM, whether she will admit it or not is probably grateful to have someone else to help her out with him right now.


 [


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)