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She should pay the extra!

Posted by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 7:58 PM
  • 14 Replies
We were planning on getting SD 11 for the last half of summer break. I found a good airfare after her day camp. Well, now she has dance she can't miss according to her mom. She can only visit for 1 week now, airfare is $200 more that week! DH pays almost 40% of his paycheck to CS and has to pay all expenses related to travel. He's going to see if BM will budge on the dates (she whines he doesn't see her much but then does stuff like this) or help pay. I think an 11 yo should not be doing over 12 hours of extra activities a week, especially during the school year. She is always on the go and we've had to pay extra to work around the schedule BM gives us, often at the last minute. There is no visitation order. She uses this against DH. She won't let her miss one day of school either, well she will if they're going someplace. Same with dance and the other activities. I found the airfare right before school got out based on the original dates I was told.
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by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 7:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mallowcup17
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 8:10 PM

the only thing i can give you for advice as i dont deal with airfare and stuff with our situation is to get a visitation schedule on paper and signed in a court. its the only way these things will come to an end. best of luck!

ShannaBee
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 8:12 PM
I second that you need to get a visitation order.
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jlg12678
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 8:44 PM

Best advice I can give is to get a visitation order. 

PageKing
by on Jul. 8, 2011 at 9:48 PM

Agree with all the ladies!!! visitation order!

maybaby22
by on Jul. 9, 2011 at 9:56 AM

I hate to say it too but until you have it in writing BM can pretty much call all the shots and do what she wants. You can request in the order that she pay part of the travel. I would let BM know that the flight is much more expensive if you have to change the dates and you'd like to keep your original flight. All you can do is try at this point...good luck!

little_buggie
by on Jul. 9, 2011 at 10:04 AM

Not more than 12 hours of extra curricular?  WOW well that cuts out any sports concidering during the summer there's daily doubles and during the school year there are 2 hour practices.  If she dances that's about 3 days a week 2-3 hours a day of practice.  If the BM is paying for dance class you can't expect her to be happy about letting her daughter miss all that practice, especially if she is good, good dancer = scholarships and maybe even Juliard.  Everything you and Dh want needs to be in writing but while she needs to be reasonable so do you.

maybaby22
by on Jul. 9, 2011 at 10:10 AM

I think the point she was making is that BM packs SD schedule so full it interferes with her visiting

Quoting little_buggie:

Not more than 12 hours of extra curricular?  WOW well that cuts out any sports concidering during the summer there's daily doubles and during the school year there are 2 hour practices.  If she dances that's about 3 days a week 2-3 hours a day of practice.  If the BM is paying for dance class you can't expect her to be happy about letting her daughter miss all that practice, especially if she is good, good dancer = scholarships and maybe even Juliard.  Everything you and Dh want needs to be in writing but while she needs to be reasonable so do you.


stepmozzy
by on Jul. 9, 2011 at 10:27 AM

okay I agree with all the ladies about the visitation order.

Here's a trick we tried:  Once BM tried to tell us this and that and the other about dates that SHE had originally picked.  We hadn't bought the tickets yet, but the stepchildren were so excited.

DH wrote back, I'm sorry those changes won't work for us.  We will have to see them later in the year if there is no flexibility.

She backed down.

lilangilyn
by on Jul. 9, 2011 at 11:53 AM

Encourage your DH to get a visitation order like the other ladies said. Because you don't have any authority with which to back up his parental rights other than BM's good graces. I also like what stepmozzy's DH did.

We are currently using a similar technique with our SS and his mom.

mikiemom
by on Jul. 9, 2011 at 2:26 PM

why is there no visitation order? The place to start.

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