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DH got a letter today from BM.  It says that SD, who is 6, won't be available for DH's time Wednesday from 4pm until Friday 10am, because they are "burying" BM's mom.  DH is frustrated with this.  For starters, BM's mom has been dead for 4 years.  SD was 2 and didn't even know her grandma.  They are just getting around to spreading her ashes.  Second, BM has had SD for just about the entire summer, because she didn't give us extended parenting time.  We are going through a custody case now, and the temporary orders didn't spell out summer time. So DH has had regular eow and eo wed/thurs.  Plenty of time for BM's family to do something without cutting into DH's time.  Third, we get notification the day before the visit is refused.  She saw us on Sun, if she'd told DH then, he might have been able to work out an alternate visit time.  Fourth, this is our last time with her before school starts again. And last but not least, BM has been disregarding the orders for the past year.  Constantly taking SD to dr. appts, removing herfrom school, moving, making out of state trips, all without notifying DH until either the last second, or until the event is over.

DH told BM no.  He said SD needs to be there.  He told her that he is tired of her doing whatever she wants.  That they need to stick to the CO.

Do you think this is unreasonable of him?  I realize this is SD's grandma, but they didn't have a relationship, and wouldn't even if grandma had lived.  BM doesn't get along with her family.  Most would literally rather beat the crap out of her than talk to her.  They prefer my DH and are actually going to be testifying against her at the upcoming trial.


by on Aug. 9, 2011 at 6:08 PM
Replies (11-19):
by on Aug. 9, 2011 at 8:29 PM

Not only has she been dead for years but since when does it take that many days to spread ashes. Your being fair, sounds like dh should have started putting his foot down and making bm stick to co long ago.

by on Aug. 9, 2011 at 9:08 PM

Honestly, he has tried.  Every time she deviates, and he actually finds out about it, he sends her an e-mail reminding her of the CO and cc's it to his atty.  But since we are in the middle of a case, and have been for a over a year now, it is all just stacking up.

by on Aug. 9, 2011 at 9:14 PM

Quoting baparrot2:

 Seriously? You know exactly who has been invited to this old womans funeral? How is that?

Why fight this? Just document it. But if it were me....I would NOT bring this particular situation up in court. It will make you look bad.

DH is very good friends with BM's step dad.  That is how we know.  They could have EASILY done this a different time.  And in our opinion, this is just another bit of proof that she doesn't care about DH being a parent to SD.


by on Aug. 9, 2011 at 9:42 PM

What if he sent a follow up e-mail?  "If you take her, would you be willing to give me time at the begining of next week, such as Sun 6 until Tue 12?" I highly doubt that she'd take it, but then it would show he is trying to work with her.

by on Aug. 9, 2011 at 10:27 PM

This is probably one thing he is gonna have to let go. It can be unfair since it is interfering on his time but there are some things he's gonna have to learn to be reasonable on no matter how unfair it is. I'm sorry this is happening to him. I hated seeing my husband hurt when BM would deny visitation.

by Platinum Member on Aug. 10, 2011 at 10:25 AM


Quoting Chris0110:

What if he sent a follow up e-mail?  "If you take her, would you be willing to give me time at the begining of next week, such as Sun 6 until Tue 12?" I highly doubt that she'd take it, but then it would show he is trying to work with her.

 I think something like that would be an excellent idea. Definitely something to take to court.

If you do write an e-mail back, make sure you mirror what she has asked for in it.

"Although gma has passed some 4 years ago, I understand that you would like SD there for the ashes ceremony. I did have plans with SD for that time as it is my weekend with her. COuld we please work out something for the next weekend so that I can still go on with my plans for her? I would request that I have her __/__/___ from 00:00 to 00:00 get the picture. that way if a judge or mediator reads it they will understand exactly what is going on.

by on Aug. 10, 2011 at 10:43 AM
Due to the pattern that BM has created I feel that her reason for denying this visit is a moot point. If I were you I would let her have her way this time. (you can't physically force the kid to go with you without causing irreparable mental duress to the child) I would document every instance. Record the times, emails, and even the phone calls (allowed in my state). Once I had sufficient evidence from giving BM her way(the rope to hang herself with) I would take her to court again. I would try for physical custody on the grounds that she is not allowing the child to have a relationship with her father.
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by on Aug. 10, 2011 at 5:48 PM

DH talked to BM's step dad last night.  Guess plans changed for who was going to be there.  BM's step dad and brother have learned just within the past couple of weeks that BM's mom cheated for about 16 years.  Brother has no idea who is bio dad is, and both step dad and brother refused to go with bm to spread the ashes.  So, it is just BM, her husband, son, and SD.

DH also learned from BM's step dad that they are in California.  We live in KS, she isn't supposed to go without informing DH.

DH told his atty all of this, and atty said no follow up e-mail.  I am personally with you ladies on this, but DH is going to do what atty said.  Atty is documenting all this.  I am so freaking stressed out right now.  I hope to God she actually comes back.  She has threatened many times to run away.

by on Aug. 10, 2011 at 9:03 PM

I agree not to bring it up when you go to court.  DH and I are in a custody situation right now.  SD is with mom and there was no previous agreement set up.  We have had no problems seeing SD until mom met "the love of her life."  Ever since, she is denying visitation, refuses to get a lawyer and we are going to court soon with 8 years worth of documentation of her denying visitation.  DH is going for 50/50 and has a really great shot at it because BB has enough rope to hang herself from the Empire state building. 

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