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How do you adjust?

Posted by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 9:53 AM
  • 9 Replies

SS (11) who we have residential custody just came back from a 7 week summer stay with BM.  I was anticipating his return reluctantly as he is hard to read and can be manipulative and sneaky.  DH and I have three girls under 5 years and it is hard to adjust to an older boy being back in the house.  Last night he wanted to visit with his friends in the neighborhood.  He was gone all day and missed dinner.  When he returned I told him that dinner was on the table and if he wanted I could warm it up for him.  He said no and when I returned into the dining room he said that he was done and took some cookies.  I thought it was weird how quickly he ate but when I looked in the garbage can, I saw that he threw it out.  I didn't say anything because he tries to gain control by being sneaky and I get scared about rocking the boat.  I just really hate adjusting back to anxiety and playing the judge in the house.  How do you guys adjust?  Any advice on how to calm yourself down and stop resenting your SS or SD?  He drives me crazy!!

by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 9:53 AM
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Replies (1-9):
Ms.Gwen
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:10 AM
You have physical custody??? Most of the year?? It seems wierd to me' that he is allowed to act this way in your home? I wouldn't put up with it. In my house he wouldve been home for dinner, sat down with the rest of us, ate his food, and thanked me' for it. No way in hell would he get cookies after pulling that stunt or not eating his dinner! You've got to talk to your DH and set some ground rules that apply to ALL the kids in the house! Otherwise things are going to go down hill like you wouldn't believe when that kids hormones start kicking in!
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cruelella2to
by Bronze Member on Aug. 17, 2011 at 10:12 AM

SD did the same BS and got away with it. If you can put a stop to it. For me it grew to the point where i can't even stand to look at her let alone be in the same room with her.

jazzmonkey
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:01 AM

I feel for you. I have a sneaky SS. I ignore him whenever possible. He likes to call his mom, get her spinning , and have her lawyer call our lawyer. Oh , what fun. Did I mention what a huge liar he is? I get along fine with my other skids, except when he starts playing them. My DD21 refers to him as a worthless piece of something not so nice. She sat back this summer listening to him mistreat his little sister and brother. I told him sometimes family members don't like each other they just need to be respectful to each other. That is our peace treaty. 

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:04 AM


Quoting Ms.Gwen:

You have physical custody??? Most of the year?? It seems wierd to me' that he is allowed to act this way in your home? I wouldn't put up with it. In my house he wouldve been home for dinner, sat down with the rest of us, ate his food, and thanked me' for it. No way in hell would he get cookies after pulling that stunt or not eating his dinner! You've got to talk to your DH and set some ground rules that apply to ALL the kids in the house! Otherwise things are going to go down hill like you wouldn't believe when that kids hormones start kicking in!


All of this...

ShannaBee
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:18 PM
I make DH handle it.
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KamiB79
by on Aug. 17, 2011 at 11:20 PM
This!

Quoting Ms.Gwen:

You have physical custody??? Most of the year?? It seems wierd to me' that he is allowed to act this way in your home? I wouldn't put up with it. In my house he wouldve been home for dinner, sat down with the rest of us, ate his food, and thanked me' for it. No way in hell would he get cookies after pulling that stunt or not eating his dinner! You've got to talk to your DH and set some ground rules that apply to ALL the kids in the house! Otherwise things are going to go down hill like you wouldn't believe when that kids hormones start kicking in!
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Allison427
by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 7:27 AM

Thank you everyone!

Faeta
by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 12:35 PM

don't ever let them know you are afraid of them or anything concerning them. They will use that against you, easily.

Azmommy0105
by on Aug. 18, 2011 at 12:51 PM


  • by Member on Aug. 18, 2011 at 9:35 AM
  • don't ever let them know you are afraid of them or anything concerning them. They will use that against you, easily

  •  

    Quoting Ms.Gwen:

    You have physical custody??? Most of the year?? It seems wierd to me' that he is allowed to act this way in your home? I wouldn't put up with it. In my house he wouldve been home for dinner, sat down with the rest of us, ate his food, and thanked me' for it. No way in hell would he get cookies after pulling that stunt or not eating his dinner! You've got to talk to your DH and set some ground rules that apply to ALL the kids in the house! Otherwise things are going to go down hill like you wouldn't believe when that kids hormones start kicking in!

    ^^^^ ALL OF THAT ^^^^

    If you do all of that then things will get better over time. Trust. My SS tried to pull some stunts like getting his mother mixed into our (me and DH) business, making up lies that I don't feed them or watch them properly. Ugh but hey that's what (sometimes) comes with the package of being a stepmom. I love my Skids so much and notice that skids that act like this need the most help (therapy wise).

    Wishing you all the luck and patience in the world!



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