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SD posting pics on FB

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:50 AM
  • 10 Replies

My step-daughter who is 14 has a facebook.  We are connected on facebook and so I can see everything she posts.  She is up to almost 1000 "friends" that she is connected with.  Now I know she doesn't actually know all these people.  I have expressed concern to my husband about her connecting with people she doesn't actually know.  He agreed and said he would mention it to her.  He also said he would mention it to her mom.  This has been a while ago and obviously nothing has changed.  

My concern is that my SD has taken some pictures of my 3 & 4 yr old boys and she has posted them up on her facebook.  I am a very private person and am very selective on who my facebook friends are.  I don't want pictures of my kids out there for the world to see.  I am not judging other moms who post pictures because it is a personal preference.  I just am not comfortable with it.  

So my question is this.  Do you think I have a right to tell her to take the pictures of my toddlers off of her facebook page.  I am obviously going to politely tell her why I don't want them up on her facebook page.  Just curious on your thoughts on this matter.


Thank you!

by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:50 AM
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Replies (1-10):
TheStepMonster
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:53 AM

Yes - you have every right as BM to your sons to request ANYONE remove pictures of your children from FB or any other social media, or message board. 

If done politely and refused - then report it to FB.

mikiemom
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:59 AM

Yes of course a mother has a right to ask that her children's pictures not be posted on the Wild Wild West I mean world Wide Web -

mikiemom
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 12:00 PM

Please remember this post when a stepmother comes out here and claims she has the right to post pictures of someone elses child on her page because she is married to or dating the child's father.

packermomof2
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 12:01 PM

Yeah... I was thinking the exact same thing, MM...

The advice seems to be different (although in all fairness I don't know that SMonster is one of the ones who says mom has no say about this regarding her kids) when a mom doesn't want her kids plastered on the net by SMoms...but when it is SMs kids?  She, as the mom, has the right to ask the kids not be online.

TheStepMonster
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 12:28 PM

To reply to you both :)

Thank you packer :0)  You're right, I don't think I've ever said that.  If I have, I take it back...LOL.

I have DH's permission to post pictures of SD.  He sees the one's on FB, I try to tag him 100% of the time, so he gets notified when they're posted.  BM isn't on FB.  She is aware that I have posted pics of SD on FB.  If she ever asked me to remove them, I would first ask DH to talk to her about it - is it because it's SM that's posted them or is it because she doesn't want pics of her DD posted at all?  I think if it were that it was me that posted them, DH would overrule her.  However, knowing me, I would take them down out of respect for BM.  Quite frankly?  Don't ever see that being an issue.

However, here's the difference w/this post.  This isn't a BM who has an issue with SM posting pictures of BM's kids.  This is a SM who has an issue with SK's posting pictures of her own bio-kids.  Both bio-parents are on the same page in regards to the pictures.  They have every right to ask that they come down.

kloesmommy
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 12:35 PM
You can just report it and db will remove them. My husband had to do this once- Bm mother has a business where she "cures" autism, ADHD, and a variety of other disorders. She was using a picture of ss as the poster child for cured mental retardation. (Seriously it was a picture of him with the caption "the majority of the most sever cases of mental retardation our institute deals with are adorable little boys- as seen interacting here in this picture, we can take a developmental and socially disabled little boy and turn them into a fun friendly child that we all want so much") yep reported and removed.
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packermomof2
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 12:48 PM

But the kids, I'm assuming here, are related to the SK in the same manner that SM is related to moms and dads kids... through marriage (or they are half sibs).  And that is normally the reason given by SPs for having pics of their SKs up (outside of the daddy said I could)... they are my family.  Well... they are the Sks family as well...

I think what is good for the goose is also good for the gander in these situations.  And if Sms say contact FB and have them removed they should be prepared to have that advice thrown right back at them when they say there is nothing mom can do about SM having moms and dads kids plastered on the net...

Not directed at you, SM... but the general idea that is okay for one family member (the SP) to do this with other peoples kids but not another (a SK who is also related)

TheStepMonster
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 12:56 PM

I get what you're saying - I still see it as different....

For a SM to post a picture of their SK...that's an adult making a decision.  I believe it should ONLY be done if SM has permission from BF.  And, should BM object, then DH handles the objection and/or SM takes the pics down.  Ie - with SD, DH is CP, that's why I said that I would ask him to handle the objection.  He could overrule, but probably not something he would flex his CP muscles over - they'd be taken down.  I agree that it shouldn't be something that SM does on her own, to hell with what the BP's think.

For the OP - this is a teenager who has made the decision.  A teenager who may or may not understand the ramifications of online security.  Who, really doesn't by their choice in "friends" on their FB.  And in this case BOTH bio-parents are on the same page.  This isn't a BM says one thing and BF says another.  

Maybe it should be the girls dad who requests them to come down - just to keep things easy.  But, does BM(SM) have the right?  Absolutely. 


Quoting packermomof2:

But the kids, I'm assuming here, are related to the SK in the same manner that SM is related to moms and dads kids... through marriage (or they are half sibs).  And that is normally the reason given by SPs for having pics of their SKs up (outside of the daddy said I could)... they are my family.  Well... they are the Sks family as well...

I think what is good for the goose is also good for the gander in these situations.  And if Sms say contact FB and have them removed they should be prepared to have that advice thrown right back at them when they say there is nothing mom can do about SM having moms and dads kids plastered on the net...

Not directed at you, SM... but the general idea that is okay for one family member (the SP) to do this with other peoples kids but not another (a SK who is also related)


TheStepMonster
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:02 PM

To give you real world application -

My best friend has 3 BK's and 2 SK's...her 2 SK's both have FB as does her older BK.  Her youngest BK is 2...and precious - and VERY photogenic - they have some great shots of him.

She allows her DS and SD to post the pics of her YDS.  Between her or her DH they have access to both accounts (she has access to DS and her SD access to SD), both kids limit their friends to only friends and family that they know, and their pages to non-friends are completely private.

They do not allow her SS to post pics because he has changed the password, refusing dad access, he has over 1,000 friends - most of whom he doesn't know personally, and his page is not private. 

Angelknot8
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:08 PM

I also agree that there shouldn't be open pics. Dh HATES the fact that bm has well over friends and open pics of ss it was even put in the court order that she either removed them or keep her page limited to family/ friends she knows. Since most everyone has family from out of town. She won't listen, shes even made ss whos 3 his own page. Dh has pics of ss BUT only his family that are many states away like his mother is on the page and its completely private.

Quoting mikiemom:

Please remember this post when a stepmother comes out here and claims she has the right to post pictures of someone elses child on her page because she is married to or dating the child's father.


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