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Reason for BM's crazy behavior?

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:41 PM
  • 23 Replies

I'm a SM to four children = (one BM has 1 child another BM has 3). When me and DH were living together before we got married we would have our kids faithfully every weekend and afterschool on days the BM's agreed to. I've always kept good communication with each one as did my DH. Fast forward 4 1/2 years later (plus two children of our own) and a marriage between me and DH and NOW each BM has an attitude problem. They each decided to act out in their own way in front of Skids, screaming and yelling at DH and me to leave the kids alone, they mainly don't want ME <--- in their lives.

Now before we got married I had a good relationship with each BM for the sake of our Skids and DH. What the hell do I do now? DH has stepped up and told his BM's to stop acting irrational, especially in front of the kids and keep my name out of their mouths.

I've tried being nice with them and now I know exactly why BM's get such a bad name. frustrated

Is this the case will ALL BM's? Please tell me it isn't so.....

Would love some advice on how to cope with this ****



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by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
New_momtoAngel
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:49 PM

This is actually similar to what happened to my SD BM.  She has always been very nice and personable with me, DH, and my MIL.  She used to talk to DH on FB and update him on their daughter (losing teeth and such).  Recently she married a man that she barely knows and he has affected the whole mix.  BM now calls DH names in front of God know who, she screams at him on the phone, sends nasty text messages, and won't even look at me.  Sometimes I think this guy drove her insane.  After we went back to court to get SD, BM drops her off by herself and she is totally fine.  When she is around her husband though, it is like the master Manipulator and puppet strings. 

I wouldn't worry too much about them though because when you are just he GF the BMs are thinking it won't last and we can be nice to her because it probably won't work.  Once you are married, they come to the realization that they have to deal with you and your children and how they react with theirs.  You are lucky to have DH that is defending you.  I have heard of others who won't. 

Ms.Gwen
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:49 PM
You have 2 seperate BMs acting the same way? It sounds like more than a coincidence to me...? I hate to be the one to tell you, but you have to look at the common factors in the equation to explain this phenomenon. That would be you.
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Ms.Gwen
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 1:51 PM
Unless they are good friends and working in cohoots that is...?
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Azmommy0105
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 2:10 PM

I pray these two BM's aren't scheming together.

@ New_Mom this does explain some of it.

I just want to know is this with EVERY BM?

packermomof2
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 2:44 PM

It always cracks me up when dads tell the ex to never mention the  wife even though the issue might just be the wife. 

Now, I don't know if it is or if it isn't... you say you do the communicating with them... maybe they feel you are just overstepping and were humoring you for a while until they got tired of the ex not dealing with them... or maybe they're both just plain crazy and don't really have any beef with something you are doing... or maybe the husband could ask exactly what the problem is instead of telling them they are just being irrational.

Do all moms act that way?  if you believe everything you read on CM you'd think a good portion of them do.  However... it isn't always just the mom who has contributed to the problems... it normally takes two to cause problems and unless, as someone else mentioned, they ganged up to make your life miserable, there might actually be something going on that either you or your husband are contributing to (not causing ALL the issues, but adding to)

mikiemom
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 3:01 PM

It's actually only bm's who have overstepping sm's in mose cases.

Of course it's not with every bm how ridiculous a statement could you make?

I think there is a common denominator here and that is you and / or your dh,

Quoting Azmommy0105:

I pray these two BM's aren't scheming together.

@ New_Mom this does explain some of it.

I just want to know is this with EVERY BM?


Pero
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 3:31 PM

One question ... most SM 's on here have a difficult BM. Fine, that's tough luck, because millions of SMs, who are for obvious reasons not on this forum, don't.

You have TWO of them! Could it be you? Could it be that you tried to implement a few changes post-marriage that didn't go down too well?

pepper504
by Platinum Member on Aug. 19, 2011 at 3:39 PM

As a BM, no, not all BMs are like that with regards to SMs.  I get along fine with DD14's SM.

As a SM, DH's exwife is a nutcase who hates me merely because I am breathing.  That being said, who cares what BM says/thinks about you.  I sure as hell could give to shits what DH's exwife thinks of me.  She is of no importance to me. 

pepper504
by Platinum Member on Aug. 19, 2011 at 3:40 PM


Quoting Pero:

One question ... most SM 's on here have a difficult BM. Fine, that's tough luck, because millions of SMs, who are for obvious reasons not on this forum, don't.

You have TWO of them! Could it be you? Could it be that you tried to implement a few changes post-marriage that didn't go down too well?

Apparently they are not on here because they do not have a problem with their BM.  I know that my ex's wife is not on here.  Wonder why that is?  Oh that is right, because I do not interfere in their lives as it is none of my business.


Pero
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 3:49 PM


Quoting pepper504:


Quoting Pero:

One question ... most SM 's on here have a difficult BM. Fine, that's tough luck, because millions of SMs, who are for obvious reasons not on this forum, don't.

You have TWO of them! Could it be you? Could it be that you tried to implement a few changes post-marriage that didn't go down too well?

Apparently they are not on here because they do not have a problem with their BM.  I know that my ex's wife is not on here.  Wonder why that is?  Oh that is right, because I do not interfere in their lives as it is none of my business.


You are taking all the glory now ... is it maybe a 50/50 split, where neither of you interfere?

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