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Hello!!!!!!! and Help!!!!!! please...

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:47 PM
  • 8 Replies
Hi my name is Jessica. I don't actually have any children of my own, I recently just had a miscarriage. My husband and I met at work and right off the bat I knew he was the one I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. He had some "baggage" as most would call it. During his previous relationship. His gf got pregnant and soon after finding out cut off all communication with him. She changed her phone number and eventually stopped replying to emails. When she would reply she would only beg him to just "walk away". Refusing to walk away from his daughter, he took her to court around the time of her last known due date so he could be present at her birth, establish parental rights/custody, and visitation. When he got to court, however, she was no longer pregnant but had the baby two weeks prior. She also admitted to not knowing who the father was. My husband has had visitation and now joint legal/physical custody since then. I have been in this little angels life just as long. Not being a mother myself, at first it was sort of scary lol but it all seemed to come together. She is now 22 months and I can't imagine not having her in my life. I feel as though she is my own daughter and I love her as if she were. The only problem lies with the bio mom.....she hates that i spend so much time with her, hates the bond we have. She refuses to acknowledge me at all and refuses to communicate and work with me. I'm not asking to be her bff I just feel some sort of relationship needs to be established and would only benefit the baby. Can anyone help me?????
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 10:47 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Quinn525
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:13 PM

BM sounds jealous. It has to be rally hard to share her little girl with not only your SO but also you. I have also been  where  you are.In my situation BM was 3 months pregnant and told DH that it wasn't his. After SD was born she needed CS so she got paternity. I started dating DH when she was 6 Mo old. SD is now 12. I love my SD and have raised her as my own. In the beginning I had to be very respectful of BM. She loves her daughter and her daughter loves her. My suggestion to you is be the best SM you can, love yourSd, be nice to the BM (she's in your life for a long time to come,) never say anything bad about BM in front of or to your SD, & take a deep breath before reacting to anything. Good luck! If you ever need to talk, message  me.

jheartsj719
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:23 PM
I have always been nice and shown her respect but she always returns it with bitterness and negativity. I have a feeling she's jealous as well and I know she loves her daughter but I just wish she could get over it and see how much I love her too. I'm not trying to replace her as SD mother, but I am a mother to her.thanks for the advice I'm sure ill message you lol I'm new at this lol
Spades
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:37 PM

What is the custody arrangement?

If the BM doesn't know who the father is, why wasn't there a paternity test, since she didn't want your DH in her life?

jenessamarie
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:52 PM

You really don't need a relationship with her and she doesn't need to communicate with you. You might think she needs to and I might even say I think it's best if that could be worked out, BUT that neither matters in the LEAST if BM doesn't feel that way.

Spare yourself, you can fight it until you relaize i'm right or you can just let go now...

drowning in laundryI thought this was funny.

jheartsj719
by on Aug. 20, 2011 at 12:03 AM
There was a paternity test done that HE actually had to pay for which I thought was wrong...she should of had to at least pay half... SD is his and they have joint legal/physical despite her trying everything she could to have him only at 30% visitation.
Quinn525
by on Aug. 20, 2011 at 12:05 AM

 

Quoting jheartsj719:

I have always been nice and shown her respect but she always returns it with bitterness and negativity. I have a feeling she's jealous as well and I know she loves her daughter but I just wish she could get over it and see how much I love her too. I'm not trying to replace her as SD mother, but I am a mother to her.thanks for the advice I'm sure ill message you lol I'm new at this lol

 

Quinn525
by on Aug. 20, 2011 at 12:18 AM

She may never get over it. I know you have the best intentions but this is her child and she may never get to that point.

 

Angelknot8
by on Aug. 20, 2011 at 1:02 AM

The best thing you can do with bm is nothing. Do what you do when sd is there and let the rest go. As long as shes not keeping sd from dh then just as she can do nothing about your time with sd you can't change her.

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