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What should I do?

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:54 PM
  • 6 Replies

DH has been CP of SS13 for a little over 2 years.  BM has been upset with both DH and I ever since DH went for custody.  She has completely disengaged from her son's life when he is in our home.  No phone calls, no PTC, no ARD meetings, no sporting events, no ECs.  She participates in nothing.  Tells SS that his sporting events are a waste of her weekend.  She just picks him up for her EOW visitation.

For ECs, she is to meet DH at the meeting point, so he can get SS to ECs.  It was put in order because initially she just refused to bring him or meet us.  Tomorrow SS has a football equipment issue.  BM insisted on taking him to school for the activity.  She is refusing to meet us at meeting place as CO states.  First off, we arent really sure if she will show with SS. 

Second, DH and I have been involved with football with SS...concessions, booster club, etc, so we would still like to attend equipment issue day for any information that may be distributed.  My first question...should we attend?

Third, since she insisted on taking him, DH emailed her letting her know that she would need $20 for SSs practice clothes.  This is the email.

Tomorrow you will need to buy him a set of practice clothes at the football equipment issue.  The set is $20.  They take cash or check.

BM responds with this...

I don't have to pay anything for anything except what I am court ordered to do.  As much grief as you like to cause me- I refuse to give any extra.  I will not be accepting any communications through email.  Your emails have turned into a Harassment method by you and ******** and I wish not to be harassed.

There is no harrassing in this email.  Does BM not realize that being a part of SSs ECs costs money?  That we had planned to pay for it but that she insisted on taking him and we may not be there?  DH was just making sure she was prepared for what was in store for her tomorrow at the middle school. 

We pay for everything.  Her minimal CS hasn't been paid in several months.  She owes us nearly $300 in medical bills, but she is only going to pay what she is court ordered to. 


 

by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:54 PM
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Replies (1-6):
Queen1382
by on Aug. 20, 2011 at 12:07 AM

I think you should go and pay the $20. Obviously, from her response, she isn't going to pay, and SS obviously needs the practice clothes. Just go and pay and get any information you may need and be done with it. Avoid the BM. Take care of what needs to be taken care of. This is all just my opinion though. Good luck!

stepmomsq
by on Aug. 20, 2011 at 12:16 AM

I think that is pretty much what we decided.  It was never an issue of forcing her to pay.  You just think a normal parent knows the child needs something...they are the parent that is there when the item needs purchasing...so they take care of it for the child.  DH just wanted her to be aware that coaches would be asking for $20.

She is turning it into an issue of she will not do for SS because she despises DH and myself.  SO...we will be there tomorrow looking out for the BEST INTEREST of the child, since in her blind madness, she cannot. 

It drives me crazy how she spouts CO, but isn't even holding up her end of the CO (CS, Medical, meeting at meeting place).  Don't spout CO to me if you are only going to try and use it to benefit yourself.  This isn't about her, or DH, or I...it is about a child, and unfortunately, as much as I want it to happen, she will never understand that.  ; (

Queen1382
by on Aug. 20, 2011 at 12:48 AM

I totally get where you are coming from and how you feel. The BM in our case sounds just like yours. She only says things to suit herself....period. No one else. It's kinda like a "damned if you do and damned if you don't" thing. For instance, had you not told her about the $20, the next thing you would have heard from her was "why didn't you tell me about the money they wanted?!" Then a series of accusations and/or assumptions. Your DH took the route of telling her about the money, so then follows the list of accusations/assumptions, which is clearly outlined in her response email. So, no matter what you and DH do or don't do, BM will always find a way to make you and/or your DH the assholes. At least, if your BM is anything like the BM in our situation.

stepmomsq
by on Aug. 20, 2011 at 10:48 PM

So...DH and I showed up today to purchase what SS needed for football since BM refused to purchase anything.  When BM saw us, she went and sat in her car with her two younger children.  Her choice, I guess.  The thing is, she showed up one hour early.  Then, the process took an hour and a half.  So, she basically sat in her car for 2 1/2 hours.  The drive to SSs school is 3 hours round trip for her, so I just don't get it.  She was in her car for 5 1/2 hours to not even be in the school while SS got his equipment.  Oh Well...we are set and READY for some FOOTBALL.

Quinn525
by on Aug. 21, 2011 at 10:17 AM

 

Quoting stepmomsq:

I think that is pretty much what we decided.  It was never an issue of forcing her to pay.  You just think a normal parent knows the child needs something...they are the parent that is there when the item needs purchasing...so they take care of it for the child.  DH just wanted her to be aware that coaches would be asking for $20.

She is turning it into an issue of she will not do for SS because she despises DH and myself.  SO...we will be there tomorrow looking out for the BEST INTEREST of the child, since in her blind madness, she cannot. 

It drives me crazy how she spouts CO, but isn't even holding up her end of the CO (CS, Medical, meeting at meeting place).  Don't spout CO to me if you are only going to try and use it to benefit yourself.  This isn't about her, or DH, or I...it is about a child, and unfortunately, as much as I want it to happen, she will never understand that.  ; (

 What is up with her not meeting at the meeting place?  I would follow the CO as much as possible.  Can't do much with her not paying CS but eventually that will catch up to her.

stepmomsq
by on Aug. 21, 2011 at 5:06 PM
It's a control issue. She wants control so bad. She tried to control with previous order and we filed contempt and DH took custody partially because of her CONTROL. The CO also says keeping an email address available for communication. Now she is stating she will not accept his emails because they are harassing. Only emails DH sends are medical bills, info like this that she needs, and ECs that change pickups/dropoffs per order. It's not harassing...it is her son's life.
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