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Forcing children to do activities they dont want to do!!!!

Posted by on Aug. 24, 2011 at 1:18 PM
  • 11 Replies

Ok so I just need to vent a little and maybe get a little advice on what to do about the situation. My stepsons BM is forcing the kids to do activities they don't want to do and I really just don't think that is right. She is making the youngest play an instrument even though he is not that kind of kid and would rather be involved in other things. He tried band out last year and did not care for it and would like to try chess club out this year but she is forcing him to play an instrument. He is not into things like that. He would rather be involved in sports and things that keep him going. As for the oldest he is very smart and very much into music and not so much into sports but she insist that he play a sport. But he has so much on his plate between taking all ap classes which requires him doing at least 2 hours of homework each night not including all the projects he gets, symphonic band which has after school rehearsal once a week and requires the student to have a private tutor. I don't believe he should be forced to play sports if he would rather focus on school and music. I feel that she is trying to make the youngest be just like his older brother which is not fair to him and then trying to make the oldest be someone he is not by being involved in a sport. I just want the children to be able to do things they enjoy and not be forced into everything. Please any advice on how to deal with this would be greatly appreciated.  

by on Aug. 24, 2011 at 1:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ErinRenee815
by on Aug. 24, 2011 at 2:34 PM

Each of us has the right to parent our children how we see fit. Nothing that she is doing is abusive. We can each point to another parent and say, she is doing something that I think is wrong and would never do with my kids. But it's not our place. It isn't your place to say what another woman can and can't do with her kids. Studies show that kids who play music do better in science in math. And we all know that physical activity is good for all of us. This is likely what Mom is thinking when she requires these activities for her kids. You don't have the right to try and stop that. The best thing that you can do is let that go and focus on your own relationship with the kids. 

Good Luck!

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Aug. 24, 2011 at 2:40 PM


Quoting ErinRenee815:

Each of us has the right to parent our children how we see fit. Nothing that she is doing is abusive. We can each point to another parent and say, she is doing something that I think is wrong and would never do with my kids. But it's not our place. It isn't your place to say what another woman can and can't do with her kids. Studies show that kids who play music do better in science in math. And we all know that physical activity is good for all of us. This is likely what Mom is thinking when she requires these activities for her kids. You don't have the right to try and stop that. The best thing that you can do is let that go and focus on your own relationship with the kids. 

Good Luck!

yeah.......that!

makie2
by on Aug. 24, 2011 at 2:42 PM


Quoting humphries4:

Ok so I just need to vent a little and maybe get a little advice on what to do about the situation. My stepsons BM is forcing the kids to do activities they don't want to do and I really just don't think that is right. She is making the youngest play an instrument even though he is not that kind of kid and would rather be involved in other things. He tried band out last year and did not care for it and would like to try chess club out this year but she is forcing him to play an instrument. He is not into things like that. He would rather be involved in sports and things that keep him going. As for the oldest he is very smart and very much into music and not so much into sports but she insist that he play a sport. But he has so much on his plate between taking all ap classes which requires him doing at least 2 hours of homework each night not including all the projects he gets, symphonic band which has after school rehearsal once a week and requires the student to have a private tutor. I don't believe he should be forced to play sports if he would rather focus on school and music. I feel that she is trying to make the youngest be just like his older brother which is not fair to him and then trying to make the oldest be someone he is not by being involved in a sport. I just want the children to be able to do things they enjoy and not be forced into everything. Please any advice on how to deal with this would be greatly appreciated.  


makie2
by on Aug. 24, 2011 at 2:42 PM

damn it, was trying to quote the 1st post.

Ms.Gwen
by on Aug. 24, 2011 at 3:30 PM
I think it's up to BM. If my skids came to me' about this I would tell them to be honest about it with thier parents. I for one believe every kid should play one sport and one instrument, so they wouldn't get much help from me' about it. Perhaps they should cut back on other ECs?
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4kidsmomma4life
by on Aug. 24, 2011 at 3:43 PM

I had to play piano, flute, and softball as a kid.  I don't feel it harmed me in any way.  I didn't like it, but that's fine.  I agree with the other posters, it may not be what you would do, but certainly is not abuse.

trixie0213
by on Aug. 24, 2011 at 4:43 PM

We had the same challenge with my SKs.. BM told them they never have to do anything they dont want to do and then enrolls both in T&F which they both HATED. And then my SS8 told me matter of factly "mommy lied. She said i wouldnt have to - i told her i dont enjoy it and she said tough we all have to do things we dont want to do" (reality is she wanted them in it because it was free and 3 days a week practice.) Believe me I was seething. So hard to hear him say that. I did what was actually suggested by someone else as well - "well did you talk to Mommy? Let her know how you feel? Thats important Bud." So i basically avoided it all together and made it about him having communication with her. Not even remotely sure if thats right but it felt like the right thing to do. I cant / we cant change what BM puts them in that we dont pay for so best i could figure is to do what my gut said and just be there for him.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Aug. 24, 2011 at 4:48 PM

There is nothing you can do about it. You can have your opinion but the woman has a right to raise her children the way she wants.

You didn't mention how their father feels about this.

crs2442
by on Aug. 24, 2011 at 4:58 PM

 I would rather a BM who insisted her kids do some kind of activity, than one who won't encourage her kids to do anything except watch tv...like my DSDs BM! :)

Seriously though, my mom made me take piano lessons from the time I was 7, until I was a senior in high school. Of course there were things I'd rather be doing...like anything but piano lessons lol. And I feel sad now that I haven't touched a piano in 7 years, because that would be something cool to teach my kids.

And really, I almost think this goes along with forcing a kid to eat his veggies...kinda. I have never met a kid who loved all veggies...I have also never met a kid who died from eating a brussel sprout. My DSD loves ballet, and is not so sure about soccer, but I signed her up for both and she will do them both. It won't kill her, and she may end up loving soccer as well.

12mommy3
by on Aug. 24, 2011 at 5:04 PM

While it sucks watching the kids HAVE TO do something they don't really enjoy - it could also open up some new horizons for them. At least she's interested in having that. SKs BM didn't do anything extra for the kids - even lied to them about how things were available. Ugh. Now that they're with us - SD is doing a lot more and enjoys it - I just hope she doesn't fall back into her mother's trap (making her feel guilty for not being with her).

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