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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Need your help!!

Posted by on Oct. 1, 2011 at 8:08 PM
  • 10 Replies

 I am writing a paper for one of my classes about steplife.

I need your help!

Tell me something about your steplife journey..

It could be any mistakes you have made, what you have learned, how you handle the exes or it could be a piece of advice that you think every stepparent should know. (Its ok to say how you feel- please dont turn it in to a debate!)

Thanks!

by on Oct. 1, 2011 at 8:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
cruelella2to
by on Oct. 1, 2011 at 8:27 PM

had anyone told me or had i read any of the stories I would have left. I would have never given dh room as a thought in my mind. Majority of step life is not good or fun untill the step mom has nothing to do with any of it they feed the "visitors" and then send them home.

SammyJK
by on Oct. 1, 2011 at 8:36 PM
In the beginning dont expect to have an "insta-family".
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amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Oct. 1, 2011 at 8:37 PM
It's one of the hardest yet rewarding things I've done. I love my little family. My husband, his daughter (2) and our daughter (4 months). I think having an open mind and heart and the ability to adapt are all important qualities in a stepmom. I've learned that there are many ways to be a good stepmom, just as there are many ways to be a good mom.
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amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Oct. 1, 2011 at 8:42 PM
I just want to add that we are NCP and I also love the extension of our family. SD's mom and now SD's little brother. We have our arguments but we have each others backs and we help each other when it's needed. SD has so many people to love her.


Quoting amanda_mom89:

It's one of the hardest yet rewarding things I've done. I love my little family. My husband, his daughter (2) and our daughter (4 months). I think having an open mind and heart and the ability to adapt are all important qualities in a stepmom. I've learned that there are many ways to be a good stepmom, just as there are many ways to be a good mom.

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nmaxwell816
by on Oct. 1, 2011 at 11:49 PM

I have found that most BM's are bitter and spiteful.  IMO-they should put their children's thoughts, feelings and well-beings first!

Angelknot8
by on Oct. 2, 2011 at 12:18 AM

Interact as little as possible if at all with bm. Allow dh to do it. Keep your opinions to yourself unless asked and even then sugar coat them when talking to the child's bp. Unless of course its your spouse asking you. Realize that this will effect every aspect of your life IF your dealing with a difficult bp. Don't say or do anything that would tick you off if someone said/did that to/about your child.

  


 
Owner of the cafemom group
Parenting a child with Behavioral disorders by adoption or step parenting  http://www.cafemom.com/group/115157

Angela_1974
by on Oct. 2, 2011 at 6:47 AM

 The thing I think worked the best was that 1 time my ss called me mom then got all worried. So I sat him and my sd down and explained to them that I wasn't their mom, she was, if they wanted to call me mom they could but i didn't expect them to. That they could call me what they wanted, Angie or something like that. I made sure that they knew i wasn't there to take her place. That I was their step mom, not their "mom". I also told them I was the mom in this house and she was the mom in their house. While they were with us, it was up to DH and I to take care of them and all that entails. Their bm talked shit about me, yes. So i told the kids if they wanted to know something to come and ask me or their dad about the stuff she was telling them. Ss has hit an age where he is asking his dad more and more questions. I love them like my own children and expect a lot out of them. I know they can do it, i have seen it. Their mom just lets them slack off. then gets mad at me cause I push them to be better.

Remember, "LIVE & LEARN" I try to do this everyday.

jessiesluv
by on Oct. 2, 2011 at 7:57 PM

 Thanks ladies!!

Ms.Gwen
by on Oct. 3, 2011 at 11:07 AM
There's no easy answer. There's no cute little quib that is going to make it simple. You just have to get in there and take it a day at a time. Accept that this was a decision that you made and take responsibility for yourself and your actions. That does not mean that you are responsible for the step kids!
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Conforming
by on Oct. 3, 2011 at 2:47 PM
You can't control what others do, you can only control what you will accept.
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