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omfg BM wins agin i NEED HELP *update

 I have been with SO for three years now, and have never met his folks so we were making plans for thanksgiving to go to WA since he has his kids. well he let it slip to his brothers wife what he was planning and BM has now made arrangements to stay with HIS brother for thanksgiving. So i get to spend a vary uncomfortable thanksgiving. meeting his folks is bad as it is but to have to deal with his x at the same time? i don't want to go but i don't want him to miss having his kids. what do you think i should do

as i said we were making plans, allot is resting on how cour goes this weekend for me and my two oldest sons, so it would be at the hearing when we find out IF we were even going up. Well BM called last night to let SO know she bought tickets for her and her kids, SO is PISSED because it was not set in stone we were going up, and thanksgiving is HIS Holiday this year. Over summer brake during his week to have the kids, she took them to Colorado for a family reunion. SO understands that the kids need other family to but we feel like she is doing it on purpose. 

by on Oct. 2, 2011 at 1:16 AM
Replies (31-37):
by on Oct. 3, 2011 at 12:01 AM

My best advice is to go, be yourself and accept that BM is part of your life and always will be. I spent my first Christmas with Dh IN Bm's home. BM was very open and accepting to me but her girlfriend was a total bitch and made me feel miserable by acting like I wasnt in the room, glaring at me etc. I went, I tried it- it sucked I wont do it again BUT through it all I was pleasant and kind and didnt make myself look like an ass so my thought for you would be to do the same thing! 

by on Oct. 3, 2011 at 2:01 AM

If you plan on staying with this man you need to suck it up.

by on Oct. 3, 2011 at 7:31 AM
I've got to say from BMs POV this is a way to share her holiday with the people she is most thankful for(her kids). Isn't that what thanksgiving is about? If her family is willing to share this time with her and even have her as an overnight guest than she can't be completely fn horrible. Instead of focusing on her maybe you should focus on what you are thankful for. So, what are you thankful for?
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by on Oct. 3, 2011 at 8:04 AM

I haven't read all the replies. just based on your post, it seems you are making this into a hostile situation when it doesnt' have to be. If you are so jealous of this woman that you really can't stand being around her, then stay home. If your boyfriend won't go without you, that's on him. If he lets his girlfriend's jealousy make him decide to skip spending thanksgiving with his family then it can't be all that important to him.

Either learn to share your husband's family with this woman like an adult, or stay away from the whole lot of them. Because apparently they still like her, and that is their prerogative. You can't dictate to other people who they should like or not like. Especially since you are not even married into this family.

by on Oct. 3, 2011 at 8:45 AM

I would def suck it up and go.  Kill her and them with kindness.  Get dressed up so that you look your absolute best and put on your happy face.  If she makes a derogatory comment then just ignore it.  Also, if your SO truly thinks that you are sole mates then he will stand up for you if she tries to belittle you or anything and if you are uncomfortable he should stand up for you or leave with you to go elsewhere, you should not have to leave by yourself.  It might not be as bad as you think it will be, just play nice and tell your SO that you are going to need a lot of support from him that day so he should stand beside you if things get rough.

by on Oct. 3, 2011 at 10:42 AM

I feel for you girl!  The first time I met the BM it was at one of my kids birthday parties and I felt so nervous.  What I did was dress up so I felt my best and went there being as super nice as I could be.  What bad can soeone say about you when you are nothing but nice?  Obviously be respectful of the family and if they are talking to her and in full conversation I would just leave them be.  I would make sure to compliment the house or his mother's shirt or something right off the bat just in case she put bad thought in their head's about you.  You can even go a step further and compliment the BM on something (I'm telling you she wont know how to react to that-especially if you do it in front of his parents).  That will show them that you can be the bigger person in all of this. If she tries to say anything negative to you just say "I am here for the kids and I care about what's best for them and us bickering is not healthy for them."  If you say that it will probably make her feel like you are trying to tell her what's best for her kids so it may sting a little but what it says to everyone else is that you care a lot for the kids and you dont want to fight with her.  With his parents you can offer to help cook or help clean up dishes.  Ask questions and get a conversation going so that you can build a connection with his family and show them that you have an interest in getting to know his family and that you could care less that she's there.  Think "the more the merrier".  I just have to add that his brother is an ass and should have never put you in that situation so if he will be there too, make sure he's not trying to sabotage your relationship either.  Good luck!

by on Oct. 3, 2011 at 11:53 AM

Quoting BluDog:

*F* that noise. Go be fabulous! (even if fabulous means keeping it real and being quietly awesome). That is what I would do. But that's just me.

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