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Stepson is getting married

Posted by on Oct. 2, 2011 at 5:25 PM
  • 15 Replies
My stepson is getting married next month. I am struggling to like his fiancé. I have been in his life for 14 years, since he was 11. I have done everything for him and his brother, more than their mother has! This girl has been in his life for a year and he asked her to marry him and has planned the whole wedding with us in the dark! She has even said that she doesn't encourage him to spend time with us! I am lost at what to do! I feel like I am losing my son to a horrible person!
by on Oct. 2, 2011 at 5:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jenessamarie
by The follower :) on Oct. 2, 2011 at 5:44 PM
Hmmmm... Have you met her? Does she like you? Has she met BM? Does she like her?
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jenessamarie
by The follower :) on Oct. 2, 2011 at 5:45 PM
And what do you mean "in the dark", do you mean you didn't know about the wedding until you recieved the invite?
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packermomof2
by on Oct. 2, 2011 at 8:09 PM

We didn't tell my inlaws until after we married... we just decided to get married a week after discussing it ...

ShannaBee
by on Oct. 2, 2011 at 9:16 PM
Ok you sound like my MIL. Maybe you being overbearing is why she does not encourage a relationship with you. You are not losing a son. He is leaving his childhood behind and becoming a man, taking a wife, and forging a life for himself. You have to learn to share your stepson with his wife. I say for now just back off and slowly try to build a more positive relationship with the wife. She probably is on edge and has her guard up.
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JustinsRealMom
by on Oct. 2, 2011 at 9:41 PM
Yes I have met her. My husband and I have been very welcoming of her and have tried to have a relationship with her but from the start she has not wanted us with us and our son, who was raised with how important family is, just let's her control everything! He told us a week b4 he proposed that he was doing it and then lied to us abt when they were planning on getting married. Its not that I am having a hard time letting him grow and get married, i am just having a hard time with him letting her run his life and not let him have a relationship with me! I have told him and her 100 times that I want a relationship and want to call her daughter, I have even asked them to help with the wedding and they ignore my request. I am just frustrated with it all, I thought that him and I had a strong relationship but I guess i was wrong!
ShannaBee
by on Oct. 2, 2011 at 9:49 PM
She is trying to establish her dominance in his life. Now that I've got more of the story I understand your side. Sorry I jumped to conclusions it's just I have been treated like shit by my inlaws and my MIL tried to take over my life, marriage and child. Your stepson will either have to man up and form compromises and boundaries with her or she will ruin y'alls relationship and in turn ruin her marriage. BM did this with my DH, she alienated him from his family and forced him to choose her over them and used their son as leverage. Once she realized she had the upper hands she controlled every aspect of their relationship from how he dressed, wore his hair right down to what he could drink and how he could eat. I hope your SS's relationship isn't like that! I hope you all can find balance and unity.
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jenessamarie
by The follower :) on Oct. 2, 2011 at 10:49 PM

I dunno... You sound strange, maybe i'm misreading this, but you've been his SM since he was 12?? 12?? And your having a hard time with his STBW... I dunno...

Does she like his mom? Does his mom like her? You didn't answer that question...

Arkansasgirl79
by on Oct. 2, 2011 at 10:52 PM
Is your SS justin?
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maybaby22
by Silver Member on Oct. 2, 2011 at 10:52 PM

I am sorry you are dealing with this- that is very hard! My brothers have had gf's who want everything to be about them and their family and it is so hard to see it. All you can do is try with your SS and let him know you want him around and that you love him. Not sure why the other posters are saying you sound strange or can't let go- you are just upset that you arent more part of this part of your SS's life, I understand what you are saying and I feel for you.

jenessamarie
by The follower :) on Oct. 2, 2011 at 11:03 PM


Quoting Arkansasgirl79:

Is your SS justin?


Oh I'm betting the answer is yes :)

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