Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

About ready for her to just go!

Posted by   + Show Post

I thought my 12 yr old SD and I had a decent relationship. In fact, if it weren't for me - she wouldn't be in band (with a brand new trombone that we're supposed to make payments on), BETA or FEA. And she's even asking me to go by the school and ask them to test her for TAG. Well, apparently I was wrong. A few months ago, I bought her a prepaid cell phone. We'd been at the school and a lot of her friends had cell phones, so her father and I talked and decided on letting her have one. Maybe it would help her settle in to this school and be able to talk to her friends. Well, she apparently doesn't have any friends because she's never used the cell phone to speak to any of them. Anyway, she's only used it to talk or text BM. Fine. But her father checked her phone at the end of last week and found where she was trash talking him pretty hard (the SD and BM). All this after we've taken on his 3 because BM isn't fit to raise a puppy anymore. Well, he was hurt and I said I'd remove the phone. Obviously (since this isn't the first time) it's been nothing but a disturbance. She stays up late at night texting BM and if we go anywhere as a family, she can't spend 2 seconds without conversing with BM. So anyway, I got the phone and put it away. DH said he was going to have a talk with her about it that evening. He didn't. Then he was going to talk to her about it this weekend, he didn't. Well, now SD had decided that my 6 yr old and I are the cause of all her life's problems. My 6 yr old was boasting to her that she had $5 this weekend and SD got pissed off, even though she has more money. Thing is, all the things SD has done - aggravating the oldest, who's autistic, until she's having a fit, boasting to everyone about how she has more money in her wallet, threatening to hit the other kids if they make her mad - well, all these things my 6 yr old is doing now. Huh. Monkey see, monkey do. But now SD doesn't like it! Now that the shoe's on the other foot, she "hates" her.

I've about had it. This little girl is about as two faced as they come. No shock there since her BM is exactly the same. But I'm ready to just send her back to her mother! Screw it. She thinks her BM hung the moon even though she hasn't even attempted to visit them in the 3 months they've been here. Has never contributed anything (school clothes, child support, school supplies)! But yet she's Ms Perfect.

I don't ask that my SKs think I'm perfect. God knows that I'm not! But I do ask for some respect. SS has shown me respect and we get along great! I thought SD and I got along great too. I just don't know what to do.


by on Oct. 3, 2011 at 8:15 AM
Replies (11-11):
by on Oct. 3, 2011 at 4:02 PM

The issue with BM is that we had to take the kids because she wasn't taking care of them - letting them roam the streets, not clothing them, one failing school, leaving them with her felon boyfriend. Anyway, I bought the phone for SD. Figured it would be nice. Obviously a cell phone is too much for her to handle at this point. I don't mind that she talks to BM. It's the fact that the only reason BM talks to SD is to spy. When BM had her, she wouldn't allow SD to speak to DH without it being on speakerphone. And anytime BM decides she doesn't like someone - anyone, for that matter - she pumps her kids heads full of trash about them so that they're all on the same page.

I expect respect from SD because I'm the one taking care of her. Her father works a lot and I'm left to handle her, her siblings and my own kids. That makes 6. DH says he's very upset about what they were saying BUT that he hasn't said anything to her yet because he's too angry. Afraid he'll blow up. Anyway, I don't want to be their mother. I only want them to act respectful in our home. They've been here for 3 months. I know things are difficult on SD - I even saw where she'd said something she thought might have been out of the way to her mother and apologized profusely, begging her mom to still speak to her. That - to me - seems like something in their relationship is very screwy.

And no, she's not getting the cell phone back. She can speak to her mother on DH's phone. I tried letting them use my cell to talk to their mother but she was just as nasty as possible towards me - so I said screw it. Not my issue.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)